It has been 5 months
Since you passed
Heaven-
Must be truly blessed

A birthday cake
Big enough for two-
A piece for Jesus
And a piece for you

Although I miss
Your warm embrace
Loss is something-
That we all have to face.

The number 16
A constant reminder
Of what happened five
Short months ago

A lot has happened
Since he passed
Should have made- the time count
While it lasted

But instead-I took everything
For granted
And now I am left-
Completely stranded

Along way from home.

the weeping window breaks
washing away past mistakes
the thunder claps
and the lighting strikes
threatening to shut off your light

the Rain-
cries a river
the Wind-
tries to catch its breath
Human-
just trying to get a break

and while the cards are stacked
in someone else's favor
I'm stuck-
doing their hard labor.

It seems like just yesterday
That you left my life
But this is the second time
But I guess I am satisfied
Since you at least remembered to say good bye

Now if only some one would tell you
How much I miss seeing your name
Pop up on my computer screen
At any given time of the day

I guess things are never
Meant to last forever
And I guess that it is a little too late
For closure

Since you deleted me
From your precious life

All I need is 60 seconds more,
I'll be on my knees at your front door,
I won't let you leave my sight,
I won't let you disappear into the night

I need 60 seconds to explain,
I am not going to let our friendship go down the drain,
too many left before,
these feelings I refuse to ignore

I am so tired
Of being- second place
You are never admired
And no one sees your face

I'm tired of others
Being first in your mind
When you knew
I had your back

All this time

But I made one stupid mistake

But that doesn't matter anymore
I already lost this race

bigger,
means better,
older,
means smarter,
muscular:
a two faced hustler
comeback after comeback
lie after lie
yet we never know why

A necklace
I hold close and dear
In memory
Of someone I lost last year

Beautiful
As far as the eye can see
But it means
So much more to me

Appreciate
Every second of life

Because

you never know
when you might die

I have been traveling on a road filled with broken glass,
I think of first but finish last,
getting stabbed left and right,
and deep down inside of me I know things won't be alright

with each cut I get closer to the vain,
a sigh of pleasure I enjoy the pain,
the tears of those I have pushed to the edge,
disappointing; just like the lost hope of a dream you failed to reach

i would let myself die
if i knew everyone would get by
as for now I live in pain
as for my friends; i am glad you came

I don't want a
diamond ring
I don't care
about the bling

all I want
is someone
that could
hold me close

I go to sleep
at night
with no one
by my side

when the
Sun rises
I am
still walking alone

what I would
do
to have you
here

when I
need you the most
and when
you need me

my insecurities
keep creeping
In
and keep
tearing my heart
into pieces

until there is
nothing
but ashes
left
of me

I've given up on love
And on life
Be very afraid when I turn off the light
And when I sit alone,in the dark at night

I try to hide how I feel
Because everyone gets depressed
When I am being real

I lost the only true man in my life
The guy that showed me
What true love was like

He is my grandpa
He is my knight
He is the reason that I continue to fight

The only man
I will ever please
Because he is the only man
That will ever love me

A break
From reality
A step
Away from insanity

Peace and quiet
A healthy state of mind
I'm not missing
What I've left behind

A quick glance
At the scenery
I am finally aware
Of the world around me

Someone that  you used to know,
one little mistake,
they are gone away with- when the wind blows,
want to say sorry but you are a little too late

didn't mean to hurt them,
but I can't help who I am,
they will get over it in time,
for now I just continue to climb

been ignored maybe once or twice,
sat here and heard about all the lies,
time passed,
and now they are back in my life

I'm done putting faith in
Back stabbing *******
Who never gave a ****
About me

You never gave a ****
Never gave a ****-
About pretty
little me

Stop pretending that you care
This is not a love affair.
Your love- I shouldn't
Have to share

But you never gave a ****
Never gave a **** -
About pretty
Little me

I am -
Such a fool
Will never be more
Than a broken power tool

stuck in the middle,
I want to cry,
because I don't want to say goodbye,

I really want to be civil,
but I can't make up my mind

which person is right,
which person is wrong,
I'll find out tonight,
when the wind knocks out their light,

Now I stand by the bay,
and I am sending one of them away.

Don't know if my decision was wise,
you can see the uncertainty in my eyes,
should I go after and plea,
that they will stay with me?

Miles away by now,
I lost my opportunity.

stop and stare
say what you want to
I'm gonna be me...
I'm just.. gonna be me..

I'm gonna show the world
that I'm worth it
leave em begging for mercy
outside of my.. front door

because I know that
I'm.. Worth.. More...

I'm gonna.. look you in the eyes
.. and say
that
I'm no longer.. afraid

You Are a miracle
you Are irresistible
gotta love yourself because you Are special
the words that you write are influential

love yourself because you Are Beautiful
them haters are being un-truthful
they are being hateful
and ungrateful

lift your head high
and soar across the sky
because listen to me
i know true beauty when the birds sing

I'm afraid
That I'll always have to keep holding my breathe
And I'm afraid
That it will be this way
Until my death

I keep having to
Bite my tongue
Because I'm afraid
That fighting will erupt

I keep trying to
Make everyone happy
But I guess that it
Can never be that way

I have a lot of things on my mind
My true happiness
I
Set out to find

This journey
Began with a single step
After I decided not to follow my dreams
But to chase them

My world
I never defined in black and white
Because there is so much
Hidden
Amongst the grays

I know my life isn't perfect
But I'm thankful for what I have
Because no-one can go back
And start completely new

But I can start from today
And make a better ending

Because I have this dream

I had your back
Through it all
I was blinded
When you let me fall

What kind of friend were you?
What kind of friend were you?

A knife, in the back
Is all you'll ever be
But you
Will never get the best of me

Another chapter of my life gone
With no regrets-
Because who knows
What I'll find

The broken side walks
Are broken beyond repair
They will need replaced

the girl
In the back of the room
the girl
That never raises her hand

the one
Who's afraid of sounding stupid
the one
Who's scared to get hurt

the person
That everybody judges
the person
That isn't good enough

that person
Was me
Before I found my voice

Harmful things here and there

These things happen everywhere




Day by day you hide in despair

You wonder what happened back there

Bullies just try to bring you down

Don’t be afraid to stand your ground


When you think you have reached the end of your rope

Don’t give up- there is always hope

Don’t let them get in your head

And never think that you are better off dead

EX
You broke me down,
And never came around,
We kissed than broke up,
The fighting would erupt
-------------------
      Sam
It was a normal day,
When he walked in front of me,
Like he wanted me to see

he said that I am beautiful
and intellectual
---------------------
           EX
you said you wouldnt miss me,
Now go away and let me be
---------------------
          Sam
It wa last night,
When he said that he loves me, that I saw some light
he held me in the hallway,
If only I could stay

Black
And
Blue

No matter- what I do

I can't escape
this madness
I'm being held
Captive

I Tried to break
down these walls
But they're just standing
Up so strong

I tried getting through
But I guess
Nothing
Ever gets through  to you

Beauty of nature
Renewal of life
The cherry tree blossoms
And lights up the night

The weeping tree's branches
Cascading down after a full bloom
A butterfly; once trapped
Flies out of its cocoon.

We have talked about it for awhile
He looks at me and I do nothing but smile
When the time comes we both chicken out
And I sit there in doubt

We sit in dead silence
It is so bad that I can hear sirens
I have kisses other guys before
But they all left and shut the door

Should I be willing to take the chance
It is like forgetting how to dance
It is like going from ten to zero
I guess I'll find out tomorrow

the day you left,
flashes in my eyes,
now you are back-who would have guessed?,
this time I will make sure that there is no goodbye

I remember the first day,
I sat there and cried,
and I knew that there was nothing I could say,
a part of me died

thank you for giving me another chance,
for bringing me up again,
you woke me up from this trance,
and now that you are here I can't complain

I'm like a present- on Christmas
Only good for a month or two
What were you thinking?
Pretending-that I was wanted
Toying with my emotions

I am done-
Hiding
I am putting everything
On the line

I'm tired
Of being put last
So tired
Of being thrown away

I am not
Some piece of trash
I will be rebuilt
Ash by ash

I wish I could read the thoughts with in your mind,
Knowing that they hurt you makes me die inside,
Your two hearts will connect as one
and will be placed in the hands of the one you love

Dont be afraid to hurt me
ive been hurt plenty before cant you see?
Let my tears be your motivation
let my life no longer be a complication

i am done standing in your way
although I do want you to stay
I do miss the old days
but know that i love you more than i can say

Words can not describe
How I feel
Because this feeling
Seems so unreal

I have never felt
This way before
I have never been so-
Unsure

And every time I see you
My heart beats out of my chest
Because I have
Something to confess

Troubled and
Insecure. I'm a
**** up and make mistakes. And I'm
Faced with the consequences
And I wouldn't want it any other way
Not now or ever shall I stray away
Because
Yesterday all my fears- flew away

And trust me baby
I'm not going away

when you walk into the cafe this is what you see
everyone turns and is staring at me
i look at my friend
and he reaches for my hand

I pull away and get back to the dance
thinking that these guys don't even have a chance
**** and I know it comes on and guys show off their moves
thinking that they know how to dance to the latest grooves

group dance one comes on and my friend has not a clue
I've got to show him what to do
my eyes and smile are the key
he can only dance when he's looking at me.

The dreary darkness drifts
across the vast blue sky
wispy clouds
travel around
gradually attracting another addition

All but ONE
a lonesome cloud
struggling silently
nobody sees a thing

Bluntly Blinded
they turn the tables
on ONE of their own

sitting here in the depths of dead silence,
want to cry but reply with kindness,
waited for so long,
waiting for you to come along

we talked about it a long time ago,
as you get older you learn to go with the flow,
I sit there and look into the distance,
and wonder if he even knows of my existance

he knows that something is wrong,
he tells me to be strong,
as he slowly wraps his arms around me,
I know where I belong

I am stuck
cornered
inside, my hypocritical mind

Answers.

That I cannot seem to find

Why?

must one fall- into darkness
to see light

Deception

Lies

hidden with- in his devilish eyes

Blinded-
Un-aware

of the truth.

the words I speak,
rose up from their grave,
tonight they became my slaves,
I used to think that I was just so week
Now I let my soul pour out

the words I write,
they might not make everyone happy,
I used to feel ******,
I'm not holding back tonight

I will release the wind with-in me,
tonight I will stand my ground,
through this I will be found,
these words set me free

So many things
To be- thankful for
But with desire
It flies out the door

Why can't we appreciate
The things we already have?
Would you die
If they were cut in half?

It's the time of year
To spread some Christmas cheer
So hold on to everything
That you hold dear

Life will never
Be an easy breeze
But with your help
It might go on- with a little more ease

when water builds up
all on the surface is lost
families re-build

sick and tired of his lies,
the words he spreads around will lead to his demise,
and then I will no longer have to cry,
when he tells another lie

he does it behind my back,
trying to throw me off track,
I will not let him bring me down,
until blood is splattered on the ground

he talks about the ones I love,
and he stands there thinking that- it is something to be proud of,
karma will knock his lights out,
and we will be the only one's- to know what that was about

the devil came to take me to hell
but I'm already there
as far as I can tell

I keep asking myself
Am I insane?
what is with the thoughts that are
trapped in my brain?

I don't know
but for now
I'm blind with rage

Lift the
Weight off your shoulders
Make ammends
With your mistakes

Today is the start
Of a brand new day
And I plan on taking
Your breath away

Live life
To its' fullest
Don't surrender
To your fear

Because fear is
The devil in disguise
All he wants
Is to make you cry

Let God
Open the gates of your heart
Because this
Is a brand new start

I moved on from the past
A long time ago
Because time travels fast
When you go with the flow

I moved with the currents
That make up the sea
I want everyone to know
That I'm the best I can be

I'm showing the world
That I'm worth it
Going to leave them so
F* up and confused

Can't wait to see the shock
That devours their face

When they realize
That I'm standing
On the top of the world today..

I'm looking down...
Smiling
Because I know
That I won this game

I was a little girl
Only eight years old
Full of innocence
In a world so cold

Bad things- happen everyday
If only we could have it
Some other way

Wish that I-
Could turn back time
And make sure that I got
An eye for an eye

The things-that you are forced to do
No one knows what you've been through

But they are still-quick to judge you
Maybe it's time
to try something new
Just know that I'm moving on
I'm over you.

"no wonder why
you have no friends"
who said
i ever cared

i would rather
have no friends at all
if all they are going
to do
is stab me in my back

i am not
here for friends
i don't need anyone
but me

you say i
complain too much
you say you
don't complain at all

i look at you
like you are crazy
what do you
think you are doing then?

pretending

you cry to
all your "friends"
you say that
I am being mean

so i confront you
and i tell you
that you are
a hypocrite ..

and of course
you didn't like
what i had to say

so you started
screaming
and said that you could
"take me"

then you
stormed out of the room
into an endless pit
of your lies

i don't have the time