there is a tall boy living inside my chest
he is the fingerprints all over my memories
he's why i stand at the edge of this cliff,
and why the view burns my lungs
he is the reason i breathe
and the reason i can't
he is the answer to every question
and why i'm always asking more
he is the mist hovering over the ocean,
sometimes i can't see him
but i know he's always there
he is the reason i feel small
and why my hands can touch the sky
he is the tall boy living inside my chest
and even death will not take him away

just the thought of you drives me insane but my presence is merely nonexistent to you.

To this old, defeated apple
Skin blazoned in rosy tunic
Slippery as fate discarded, fate in a bubble
How you've crossed my sight like a cynic

You rest cold and unamused
In my warm, subversive hands
It's as if your insides have set themselves loose
Unarmed in their pure dwindling strands

Fat worms whiffed spotless fields of honey-gold
Floundering shallow water fishes in unconscious fathoms
Seared the sweet flesh with spawns in manifold
You stand still in spite of downtrodden autumns

I took you in my mouth, your rot conspicuous
As if you whimper upon my numb tongue
That you won't last an age longer in this limping malice
Where your seed grows only to get wrung

To be
a  husband, or a wife,
a friend
a sister, a brother
a mother, a father
an aunt, an uncle
a grandmother, or a grandfather,
one has to be a stronghold...an indestructible wall
amidst storms and droughts, never to fall
be thought of as Fire and Ice:

be the Fire, the steady flow of heat on icy, or wintry nights
the wood crackling, to fuel the flames dying...
a burning spur for the mind, when nothing comes out of the well
fire to boost the wilting spirit..bringing in newborn courage...
the warmth from hands that would hold... heal and  save
to fight for those near  you...even the ones farthest from you

be the Ice that never melts, right in the middle of the fire
to gently freeze anger...hostility...madness
neutralize the fiery air, to balance the atmosphere
to be a cooler head, among violent minds
make glaring eyes and deaf ears, receptive to reason
from red-orange...be an icy blue...

"Are you a shrink?"
i was asked once...
the thought lingered for a while...

Why, maybe...yes!
i've got no license, though
all i have are experiences,
a drop of wisdom...here and there
from times, when i failed
to notice what i was wearing
even the weather prevailing
because i was swimming
floating,
coping
with troubled, murky waters...

As heads of our families
Fire and Ice, we have to be...





Sally

Copyright September 6, 2015
Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan

some people already have a view, a light over the horizon.
their feet are dipped into an ocean that holds many of their secrets,
but they become bored with the mundane & seek more meaning to their existence.
perhaps someone else's ocean will taste differently.
perhaps they'll finally learn how to swim.
willing hearts & open hands accept these travelers because maybe they're an adventurer just like me.
but really they're just passing through.
they only want to experience new flavors, to swim in unknown seas.
they need to escape but they'll never leave.
cowards perhaps, to temporarily give up the comfort of the river and sink into the oceans' depths.
but the ocean is not quiet & neither is the wind.
she will shred your sails & sink your ship.
she will not forget how you stirred her waves into a tsunami and left her there to drown.
when the night becomes indifferent, seek change first within yourself.
you will never find light in another if you do not love your own hands.
do not take arms you know you will eventually let go of.
do not awaken hearts you cannot call your home.

and so we go on. and the ocean waits alone, for the next light on the horizon.