We joke around and silence hits
At a loss for words, the end of our wits
With topics so ******, we'd never wanna be heard
With laughter so juvenile, ranging to the absurd

Then in solitude, we realise, that moments are just empty time skips
We're empty, riding on hollow vocal ships
We skip from person to person, hoping for a reaction
We hate every moment of the process and have regrets after the action
Like eating cake to have the last say
Then vomiting, in a depressing, monologue of a play

Going day by day, in a monotone manner
having nothing to say, with your Monochrome banner
Humanity carries on, while you stand idle
Like a broken lighthouse, or a stand-still Windmill

Death seems dull, yet excitement feels rare
Every breath is free, yet it catches you by a hair
Like a mannequin roaming an empty dark stage
Trying to wait for the golden years, to realise you're gatekept by your own age

And silence, louder than any bad tune
A blank space, brighter than any rising star
You sit alone, in a room of white space
Unknowing of the world around you

To make sense, of the blank space

I know that you are suffering, I know you are unwell
but when you feel the need to talk, come to me, do not dispel
Sit next to me, and hold my hand, I promise this won't hurt
I know it's hard to understand, but let your emotions spurt

I see the demon at the seams, as its horrors can connect
worry not for I am here, it is my light you can expect
At least I used to think so, till you ran back to the dark
chasing a pointless emotion, curiosity made you embark
I chased after you, unaware it was you running from my grasp
Was I too clingy? too naïve? too nice for you to bear?
You fell and scraped your heart on the tarmac, I tended to the wound
We laughed as I gazed at those moons you seem to call your eyes
Perhaps I did get so attached, that my obsession was disguised
And then you get up, once more, running away without a care

I try to understand you, I try to compromise
The tears flow as I cry, and your words glitter in lies
your never all that busy, to not even donate an hour?
or perhaps you cut off the rotten part like a fruit our love turned sour

I hate you, with a burning passion, yet love you all the same
I never want to see your face, yet its ignition is to blame
the sound of your voice, almost taunt- like in nature
If your vast heart was the ocean, did that make me the sailor?

I had plans of promise rings and our children's names
You had plans for a quick high leading to permanent shame
I envy that I love you, and let you use me so
for when you strike you seem to know, to always hit below

I'm sorry if I smothered you, I'm sorry that I cared
I'm sorry for trying to be there when you were never aware
And yet I wish for one day, we can finally meet face-to-face
To see if it is anger or love that will take place
Your expiations are fleeting, your intentions unsure
Your feelings are feigning, were they ever really pure?

Who's to know who meant what? I the bear and you the trapped cub
I left with the gaping wound and you the sought-after Dub
I'll miss you truly, perhaps more than is healthy
for what we had, just you and I, made me more rich than the wealthy

When first we met it was a treat
My heart practically at your feet
My first time, i hoped to be the one
To hear you say "im not ready" and lie under the sun

Been rejected, still hope clears away pain
Butterflies digested, yet we sing happily in the rain
Known to everyone as a warm soul
When i approach you ignore me as if I'm coal

Smiling away, your happiness drives me
Life is already a mess, emotions deprived from inside me
Funny yet, when I ignore
You ask why i act colder than before

Knowing my feelings, yet still loving the game
Loving how my every attempt is comedy found in my shame
You can't lose a connection that never existed
But i feel it for everyone who is just as persistent

I wake up, unbothered by the previous night(mares)
Struggling to get out of bed, its another fight (unfair)
I think of you, then remember our separation
My smile wipes of my face with no indication.

Brush my teeth, too afraid to stare at the mirror
Every time I see a glimpse of you in it, I start to quiver
place my hands on the sink to pray
stopping the pain from returning, telling it to go away

Eating breakfast, Pizza and milk
terrible eating habits, enough pent up rage to sow silk
a string spanning longer than our feelings for each other
For when we couldn't admit we couldn't tolerate one another

Leave the premises, cracking a smile
forgetting our genesis, regardless has it been a while
Angered by simplicity, yet welcome to it
Fine with lowered expectations, yet nevermore
placing ones guard higher than ever before

for this is the new normal: Bitter, hurt and none the wiser
even as I type this, I miss her and despise her
would it work? was it worth it?
Is it fate to have one curse it?

it doesn't matter, I catch my bus, unbothered
as under my breath I cuss, smothered(by regret)
my anger grows into numbness(emptiness I beget)
I reach my stop and hop off
earphones subside the voices, but their song is almost as sweet as yours was
I wish I was hit by that very same bus
so the memories can leave me like you did
but alas

this is the new normal, **** it up and carry on