i smile

i laugh

i cry

i'm no longer laughing
and the corners of my mouth have changed direction

why won't you stop?

a black beverage in front of me
alarming
but at the same time
exciting

i know that it's dangerous
especially to me
but i drink it anyways
in one go

and now i'm crying
black
you made me cry
i knew it would happen

after all this time
that i have spent
being miserable
i have begun
to find it
comforting

it's a bit like stockholm syndrome
in the beginning
i hated my misery
but now
after all these years
i long for it
and miss it when it's gone

i am used to it, you see
i grew up in it
and that's quite sad
a sad comfortable misery

Like an old friend inviting you to come inside.
Familiar. Comforting.
It will grasp you in its arms and hold you close;
And when you're ready to leave, it wont let you go.
You will beg and plead to be happy,
and it will put up a fight.
It will make you think that the only way to escape it is to take your own life.
If you are lucky, you can break free;
and it will sit and watch you from afar.
Calling your name.
Welcoming you back into it's arms.
It will intrude your thoughts.
Make you think you are worthless.
That you're better off dead.
Just keep telling yourself that it's all in your head.
Keep moving. You will get far.
Depression is not who you are.

and you were my
unofficial prince
in my
unoficcial fairytale

you see me
as if i am perfect
but my dear
you have been blinded
by that kind heart of yours

It is hard
To write
When all the words I want to say
Are scrambled up inside
Poems about love and betrayal.  
It just seems so overused
But no matter what
It is hard
To write
Anything other then about that.