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):)
The Red Woman Apr 2019
):)
i smile

i laugh

i cry

i'm no longer laughing
and the corners of my mouth have changed direction

why won't you stop?
The Red Woman May 2019
after i posted a selfie
a boy from my small town wrote me
"were you always kind of sweet"
"you look good"
"come over ;)"
i answer
because i don't want to be rude
sadness and anxiety bubbles up inside of me
i hate this
i dont even know what this is, but i' feeling a bit weird
The Red Woman Jul 2019
i aspire to be
a breaker of
standards and norms,
expectations and obligations
so that you can live
in peace and quiet
in harmony and happiness
but to do so
i must first
break my own
The Red Woman Jun 2019
i finally
want to
move on
The Red Woman Nov 2019
from birth
the cup is filled with water
dust will and can land
directly in your cup
but fear not
for it goes to the surface
stones are a whole different thing though
they weigh more
than your water in your cup
they’ll push it out
leaving you
with a cup of stones
and tiny spaces with water
that used to be clean
The Red Woman Apr 2019
you smell like
bad decisions
and cigarettes
The Red Woman May 2019
i'm gonna show you
maybe not today
but one day
i'll show you everything that
you lost
when you treated me
as if i was nothing
a stranger on the street
all this beauty
all this fire
will be spent on
someone else
and i hope your heart crumbles
when you see
everything that you
pushed away
The Red Woman Jun 2019
am i able to
love myself
and hate myself
at the same time?
The Red Woman Dec 2019
angel wings
or devil horns
eagle eyes
or flower thorns

i mean really
who the **** cares?
The Red Woman May 2019
they told me to take pills
so that i would get better
now i'm taking pills
and i'm only getting worse
The Red Woman Jul 2019
still to this day
when i am unbothered
my mind strolls
to a single thought of
you
The Red Woman Jun 2019
i want to write about a
specific person
but putting him into
words
would be like trying to
explain
life
itself
S.
The Red Woman Apr 2019
i know that they're
"small things",
but
you don't know
my world's
aspect ratio
My mind works in a very mysterious way, and the 'smallest' things can push me over the edge, or trigger something in me. In the beginning I felt like a total outcast because of it. Now I have realised, that not every person has the same aspect ratio.
The Red Woman Apr 2019
i'm tired of
sounding like a
cliché
but probably even more
tired
of the fact that it's normal
to feel
what i feel
and to experience
what i have experienced
The Red Woman Aug 2019
i want to feel
i want to feel it all
but i dont feel
i kind of fall
but not into love
i fall into a void
of self pity and hate
The Red Woman Jun 2019
i feel like i see
all the things that
you don't
The Red Woman May 2019
i would give up
the thrills of a
thousand lifetimes
just to be yours
for a single day
The Red Woman Apr 2020
imagine
writing a book
bhuuff
The Red Woman Dec 2019
i thought the black
was a reflection
of his soul
i was wrong
but not really
it wasn’t a soulless black
it was the colour
of all the colours
The Red Woman Apr 2019
a black beverage in front of me
alarming
but at the same time
exciting

i know that it's dangerous
especially to me
but i drink it anyways
in one go

and now i'm crying
black
you made me cry
i knew it would happen
I always let the toxic people into my life. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. And in the end, they destroy me. I knew it would happen.
The Red Woman Aug 2019
i feel like a
colouring book
that has been left
blank
The Red Woman Apr 2019
you see me
as if i am perfect
but my dear
you have been blinded
by that kind heart of yours
a letter to a friend, who loved me, whom i couldn't love back
The Red Woman May 2019
teary eyes
purple, orange, yellow
green, blue skin
a forced smile
The Red Woman May 2019
i always approach new people
everyone thinks i'm just that social
but i'm actually just scared of boredom
The Red Woman Oct 2019
you can braid your hair
so tight that it hurts
but no matter what
some will always
stick out
The Red Woman Oct 2019
i see the cracks in your brick wall
it’s okay
my walls have damage too
The Red Woman Apr 2019
i sit here
with a heart that is
burning
it's burning fiendishly
for acceptance
and love
for happiness
and a future
and you're a carrier of water
just like me
but you don't extinguish my fire
instead
you pour alcohol on it
and then you leave
me
The Red Woman Dec 2019
the butterflies in my stomach
turn to wasps in my head
The Red Woman Jul 2019
i can’t let you go
but i can’t hold on to you either
The Red Woman Dec 2019
the chalkboard chatters
in its different languages
ancient ways
am i supposed to understand?
understand all of this
it’s just chalkboard chatter
- not important to me
i’m important to them
The Red Woman Dec 2019
when christmas came around
the world wrapped me
in wrapping paper
made of anxiety
The Red Woman Sep 2019
i used to be
a coffee ***
full of warmth and energy
but too many people
had a taste
took too big of a sip
and now
i'm empty
i'm to no use
without my coffee
The Red Woman Aug 2019
i wear
colouful clothing
in contrast
to my
grey soul
The Red Woman Apr 2019
after all this time
that i have spent
being miserable
i have begun
to find it
comforting

it's a bit like stockholm syndrome
in the beginning
i hated my misery
but now
after all these years
i long for it
and miss it when it's gone

i am used to it, you see
i grew up in it
and that's quite sad
a sad comfortable misery
trying to put my depression into words
The Red Woman Jul 2019
the only compliments
that i will ever
accept
are the ones from
you
the people who see
my stripped down
soul
You guys don’t know what I look like. You only know my words and my thoughts. When you compliment me because of those things, I am willing to listen and accept
The Red Woman May 2019
i'm sick of this crush culture
where everyone wants to be in love with looks
and no one wants to be in love with personality
The Red Woman Apr 2019
i love darkness

you can't see me;
or
i can't see myself

in darkness i am finally
okay
The Red Woman Jun 2019
dear ex friend
when did you
fall out of love
with me
with our friendship
with our memories

was it when you moved back
or when you got a girlfriend

actually
why
and when doesn’t
matter
what matters is that
you left
when i needed you the most
(note for him in my language, even though he’ll never see) Kære tevelis. Du er en nar. Du forlod mig. Bare fordi du fik en kæreste. Jeg troede os to og alt vi havde gjort var specielt. Jeg har altid forsvaret dig. Altid. Og altid værdsat dig og husket dig. Du er sådan en idiot. Jeg er så sur på dig, men jeg ønsker dig kun alt godt, så jeg lader dig være. **** dig. Farvel Mantas.
The Red Woman May 2019
dear you
i wish i was beside you
the one to keep you warm at night
the one to give you comfort in life
and praise every single asepct of you
but i'm broken
and scared
my heart wants to come home
but it can't
The Red Woman Oct 2019
death is normal
death is inevitable

it's the way death happens
we won't accept
The Red Woman Aug 2019
i fell into a deep grey void
and i can't get out
there's no sky
nothing but emptiness here
but i can sense the other side
so i scrath the walls until my nails bleed
red
i'll never reach the colours outside
so i'll settle for the red blood that's appearing
in my attempt of trying
The Red Woman Apr 2019
oh my
all you dumb ******* boys
who see me
and think
'hm alright'
and meet me
and think
'she's funny'
maybe also cool and kind
but you guys
you're so ******* dumb
because you haven't really seen me
and you give me hope for
that someone would actually love me
but i know that it's a ******* lie
i hate you for giving me hope
The Red Woman Dec 2019
for years
i’ve been eating
without tasting
The Red Woman May 2019
i'm not gonna end my own life
but i'm thinking about it
i would never do so
putting that kind of weight on another soul
is a cruel act
that i could never do
The Red Woman Apr 2019
Will I ever fall in love
and be truly happy,
or will I just fall
and be truly lonely.
The Red Woman Jun 2019
i spent two years
looking up to you
admiring you
your work
your thoughts
your being

and then I got sick
i crumbled mentally
vanished bit by bit

i started doing stuff
that I wasn’t allowed to
i wanted to feel something
be something else than just a
grey matter
in a grey world

you disapproved
but you didn’t say anything
nothing
you almost let me
self destruct

and now that someone has
intervened
i am trying to make a
mence  
but you don’t care
you only see the few bad things
you forgot me
and us
you forgot that i
need you

you used to inspire me
and make me laugh
now all you ever do is
make me cry
The Red Woman May 2019
i see you
and feel nothing
i see you
and want to feel something
- wanting to feel something
The Red Woman Dec 2019
my bond
to fictional characters
come from the lack
of real people
The Red Woman Aug 2019
flower petals
look so pretty
falling down
as gently as
the touch of our
fingertips

but they die
and so does our love
but even in death
they look so pretty
and yet again
so does our love
The Red Woman Oct 2019
i ask myself
- was it hard?
and i answer
- of course

but what was worse
was forgetting your
voice
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