The suffocating feeling, as the frayed hairs of the rope burns my skin. Thinking that I have taken my last breath. No struggle, no regret, no remorse, and worst of all... The feeling of fulfillment, the serenity of calming beatless peace. Sight, slowly becoming more and more blurry as it slips away. Speech, unable to scream or cry or even whisper, and accepting it. Silence, the overwhelming negative space that fills my ears with the unrelenting nothingness. Feeling, what was once numb, now pulsing, fighting a battle I have already given up on. Then, consciousness itself is lost in the limbo of mine own meaningless hell. Insanity has beaten down reason, and logic delivered the final fatal blow. No more struggle, no more feeling, no more reason. No more me. And good riddance.

Laying in bed. Starring at the ceiling. Each beat of my heart is a thunder crack inside my head. I can feel the blood pumping through my eye, even though I can't see out of it. The swelling has half blinded me. My face, numb yet I can taste the blood filling my mouth. My knuckles, possibly the only pain I can feel. Cracked and bleeding. This isn't enough pain for what I've done. But I can barely lift my own fist. Slowly fading. This is too familiar. I don't deserve this pain. I deserve so much more, I deserve to be hurt so badly there is no healing. No coming back. I need to be hurt more. Or else She'll never feel safe.

What was once numb. Now feels the soft embrace of an angel. That which heals all scares and wounds. Eyes that were blinded by tears and blood, now gaze into a beauty that could only be described as a horizon of supernovas reflecting above an emerald tinted ocean. Ears tormented by the ridicule and screams of those superior, suddenly serenaded by a voice so soft and comforting it was as if peace in its purest form was speaking. Lips, the same that would spout Black blood and nonsense, are now sealed, in the warm lock of another pair. A mind clouded by hatred and insanity, is overflowing, filled with thoughts and feelings just waiting to be portrayed through actions and meticulously planned sentences. All concluding with the same three words,
"I love you".
A pulse, beating inside, a heart. For once, no feeling of anger, or depression. Just happiness, just love. Just her.

I sway from side to side. Floating, hovering above the ground. My heart beat is starting to slow down. My vision fades subtly. My eyes feel like they're going to pop out of my head. The cold leather coiled around my throat, starts to chafe my skin. No feeling of air inside my lungs. Not breathing feels comfortable, it feels right. It feels peaceful. My mind casually slips away from me. Sweet serenity graces me with a final kiss I've been waiting for. Black. Everything is so fuzzy, and so shifty. I can't see straight. I collect the fragments of my mind. Above me hangs the remains of my neuse, frayed and torn. I lay on the floor. Unbelieving at this sight. This attempt has failed. Hopefully the next won't.

I want to find someone who understands. I want someone who knows what it's like to feel crowded when alone. Who can always feel the conflict within. Someone that has their own worst enemies shoved inside the same box as them. Someone who understands the feeling of ending your life not out of self pity, or an injustice in life, but ending it to save other people from yourself. I want to meet someone who embraces the reality of being insane, instead of denying it. I want someone who knows to put me in my place when I change. I need someone who understands.

You are my everything. My heart and soul is yours forever. Such a cliché. How about, my broken black corrupted soul is yours to do whatever you want with. My deranged perverted enigma of a mind is yours to spit on or kiss. You can't break me.

I loved you most. With all my heart, with all I've got.
I loved you, ever only you. And still, I deeply do.

they said 'simple things matter'
and i think that's a lie
because my dear,
you are very complicated
yet you are what matters to me most