i want to take it all slow. stay damnnn near still in this space of blossoming. to explore by step all that makes u. drag my fingers through your hobbies. pause to soothe your demons. stare and stare some more at your laughter. the colors that surround u. to be compassionate about mistakes and thumb over every sharp edge i find. to adore your human ways. the hard ways and the great ways. to cry at the direct way u ask for me, all of me, bc no one’s ever demanded each inch of me. my chest feels so full. my feet so grounded. my mind many more brighter like u waved away the clouds with every ‘why not great?’ to my ‘it’s okay’. i feel safe beside u. anywhere. im looked after not from obligation, from sincere appreciation for my presence in your life. u kiss me never just once. as insignificant to u this could be it makes my stomach flutter that u don’t get your fill off just one. when i speak i’m heard, and when i hesitate u lead. u take the time to heal where i need healing and be patient when i’m selfish and keep from being the same in return. u are someone that i will love no matter the future stones we stand on. there will not be anything higher than this. a bright patch in my night. the sun to this moon, in every literal way.
yet as the same way u are strong for me, u shoulder your darkness so your chest is free to comfort me, u beat your own struggles to death and trap them in a yuengling bottle. i am your silence when the sound of your doubts try to break u. i’m the night to your ever restless day. the lap to close your eyes in. i’ll take on the isolation when you’re tired. the cloud phases where u may try to push me away. and protect u as best i can.
i am not sad. i am tired. defeated repeatedly by my mirrors. i am just a pretty face. a good time. for a short time, not a long time.
cross my fingers.
not a long time.
crosslegged on a bed. i’ve caught myself capable of great thoughts in this position, but today it’s my place to heal. i can feel a pressure, almost like the fist of a hand against my lower chest... right where my rib cage ends and my vulnerable spot begins. where my emotions spread first. i tighten up in my attempt to best protect it. and breathe as my thoughts reach it. “a waste.”
i hear daily. but no matter how it stings I’ll listen. so I can/it can heal. our darkest corners need comfort too.
'do you hear me?' 'this is the voice of an imperial past' 'the sound of horses, and the strong walk of men' 'do you feel me?' 'this is your cultural thrill, the smell of a powerful land' 'can you see me?'
...I want to protect the beauty in this world. The ones I've seen and the ones I have not. I want to stand a wall between the pure hearted and the hate. To preserve the magic that happens when, without labels being used, there's a silence when all is not lost and so much is to be looked forward to. To experience and know that I shall not be had. When looked at me, I will reflect all this world has offered me.
this video was more than words can say
In life you live first and then learn.
And sometimes you learn again, bitterly.
so she drifted from him.
not because she wanted to
b/c her greatest enemy was becoming selfish
so she could no longer love the selfish man.
I'm a woman that questions God's existence. And I know that makes me sound Atheist, but when you've felt what I've felt at young there's nothing left in a child's mind but to question and doubt. Shrouded in dark you start to speak it's language. You start to learn the games it plays. I'm a woman that doubts strength and power outside my own. And I know that makes me sound conceited..but when you've brushed bottom, slammed down on it at times even, and manage to break surface yet again; you cannot say you'd credit any other power but your own. That you could undermind your own will to kick up and live again. All I've overcome was me, my refusal to bend knee. You will never find me thanking a questionable higher power, and not from dignity or pride or lack of manner. My ability and faith in myself should not be sold short. I'm a woman that question's God's existence, as I am today. But the day I'm face to face with my own child, I'll question how my own power alone created this and begin seeing Her outstretched hand.