Nothing in my life ever lasts
but I need you to
because I didn't even know
what home felt like
until you fell asleep in my arms.
I can see entire galaxies
inside of your eyes
and they're swallowing me whole
but I won't fight it
because you make me feel
like an astronaut.
I want to get lost
in the constellations
that you are made up of.

It was a room crowded by people.
They talked in groups with so much eager.
But beneath the laughter and joyous sight
was a girl who saw not the light.
And there she was, standing
in the corner, just pretending
that she was happy to be around,
when, really, she was screaming with no sound.

Everyone was so happy,
but all she wanted was to flee.
None of those people cared of her!
Why should she stay and drown in fear?
None of them even noticed her there!
Like she was just another gust of air.

When there was yet another party,
who got uninvited? None but she!
When there was a share of cake,
She was lucky she could have a take.
Then  why? Why did she stick around?
It hit her. Because for another year is she bound.

You just have to keep telling yourself that you're a **** good person and you don't deserve any of what he put you through.
You stayed and you went back even when he didnt deserve it.
You were always there to pick him up when he couldn't do it himself.
You would've swam oceans for him.
But he'll never realize that until you're in someone elses arms and you're truly happy.
Only then will he truly realize what he had and how good you were to him.
And he'll hate that you're happy with someone else.
And you'll be blissful.
Truly in love.
And you'll have someone that would swim oceans for you.

"Court, you can't die with him. You have to let go."

But what if I need to?
I can't go to that coffee shop without losing my ability to breathe, as if I was hanging next to you.
I can't  listen to "Chasing Cars" with thinking about lying next to you and forgetting the world and myself.
I see your cousin at school and I see so much of you in him.
I can't go to the movies without wishing our fingers were intertwined.
I see flowers on the side of the road and all I can remember is your parents in all black kneeling at an alter in prayer.
Snow globes, hot chocolate, super hero movies and all the things that reflect us pull me through our timeline and remind me that I can't bear to look at rocks without seeing your name in that stone.
I can't drink coffee without tasting your vanilla kisses.
I can't look at ropes or strings or laces or ribbons without seeing your body hanging from your ceiling.
You used to leave me with smiles and stupid jokes but on October 13th, all you left me with was our history. And now its slowly carving my name into a rock and that's all I've ever known about letting go.

is there a reason why I can't imagine my life ten years from now?
people know what they're passionate about
I used to know what I was passionate about
until real life hit me like a truck
and shattered my dreams into fragments on the concrete of my self-doubt
why am I so afraid of my future yet so unsatisfied with my present?

sometimes i feel as though
my mind was set
to self destruct,
and i just cant seem
to find the switch
to make it stop.
maybe that's because
it's buried beneath
the very thoughts
that set it off.

You wear the halo like a crown,
you come from heavens in the nights,
and you leave me with a shimmeting dawn,
gleaming with the stars that revolve around you.