Feeling numb from my head to my feet. Like a musician who can't hear the beat. But that's what happens when you're making your name in the streets. Can't trust anyone you meet. So where do you start when you can't trust anyone, let alone your own heart? You take your time. Think everything through. Because only you know what's best for you
maybe i do like getting into dangerous situations but im a showwoman every night i force a bottle of *** down my gullet and feel it burn in my throat i put on my heels and strut to the stage and i climb the ladder up to the top to walk the tightrope of love and inevitably i fall off into the safety net but the next night i do it all again because i have to
not for anyone else but for me because no one thinks i can make it no ones ever thought i could make it anywhere people go home from the circus and laugh at me they call me an alcoholic hack they comfort themselves with the idea that im worthless that all ill ever be is the ******* who gets drunk every night and tries to walk a tightrope in heels
and ive learned to be okay with that because when they leave and the circus is empty i take the *** with me up to the rope and i sit there and i picture all their faces in the crowd everyone that has looked on me with disdain for trying the same old thing night after night the ones who tell themselves they know ill never make it to the other side everyone who thinks im an idiot for thinking ill find my happy ending everyone who thinks ill never amount to anything but some sad joke to boo at every night
and i picture their faces when my heel clacks onto the other platform how amazed theyll be how theyll be so enraptured with my success they rise from their seats and scream my name and how their thunderous applause will soothe all those impacts into the net below but in the end it doesnt even matter if theyre there at all because ill always be chasing that dream of touching the other side
and even if no one sees it all that matters is my foot clicking on that opposite platform and every night before will be worth it
and thats the meaning of life a dream one that means more to you than the booing crowd one that means more to you than the glimmer of your skin in the spotlights one thats all yours and yours alone one that even if no one else knows about it it will finally make you feel complete
and one that even when you complete it the first time youll always come back night after night to do it all over again and be comfortable with the fact youve finally made it because in the end youre a showman one married to her work and as we all know the show must go on
really spoke more than you really ever had spoke like friends (maybe more than friends)
and though I thought I was prepared I’d practiced hating you I’d gotten over it found someone else (though that’s not going particularly well) but no
and I know you that’s the hardest part I know you
I know that this you this you I’m falling for again after so many **** times I’ve lost track
this is not you
this you is the quiet you the you that likes me because I’m feisty and a little different the you that teases me, but never to embarrass the you that knows I’m vulnerable and cares the you that flirts but doesn’t force that is kind and friendly and opens up and tells me quiet things
But I know that tomorrow you’ll be someone else in the hallway in passing across the room
so I’ll miss this you I’ll get over it slowly, as you proceed to ignore me
only to fall once more just when I think I’m free a smile thrown as you round the corner where I stand your eyes crinkle at the edges they see it all and they know me and my heart leaps once again
you know I know It’s all happened before
ode to those feelings you can never truly be rid of ...
"They buried me with Mum." That haunting sense I'm just a pilgrim wandring in betrayl These des'late wastes all else call home, sans bail Despite new clothes, accessries for pretense, And dearest friends to joy with me from hence Or weep or who-cares-what, this world to scale Some dish that wants salt, lacking flavour--they'll Assure me tis grand--mocks life sans defense. If Hollywood laughs in the face as twere Of good and righteous, where designers too Are filthy past all words and smiling fer Applause, I'm sans a home sans her. Then You Remind me "one thing's needful---" to bestir Hope that my home, LORD's: You. Life. O! Who knew?
Dunno why the verse in my title pulled the carpet out from under my feet, but there you go. (If you want to see it originally posted I guess 4 hours earlier on AP--[https://allpoetry.com/poem/13825794-Cuz-Thanks-Be-To-God-For-His-by-Cheeky-Missy]
for Courtney S. Jennings' "upon the surface of the deep"--
Depression's clammy fingers slip fr'intents 'Non twixt her empty ones cuz in betrayl: She is a woman. Like some ghost t'avail, That mist creeps through her veins til ah, from thence We feel it in our bones, as if good sense Bows low the head to yield to that detail Which eats small joys erst wont to be more hale, And she melts through the floor, a puddle hence. Thus I embrace November's ghastly tour Of Death and call grey hours MINE likeas due. Find solace in these naked boughs that stir But dimly to winds' chilly breath, as't woo; Yearn thus to wander through the firs, in poor 'Scuse? Nah, cuz Thy voice seems there, or is't who?
My ears hear all the words that you sing c.6.21.14 And it sounds like the whisper of spring Your smile captures my fainting heart Although we seem to be worlds apart Your lips say the words I want to hear Your fingers hold my heart so sincere I'm caught in your spell so mesmerized And your eyes they got me hypnotized So stay with me and leave your scent For me to remember the time we spent You build me up and tear me down You can do it all without a sound My moves are measured by your grace My love is measured by your embrace Upon my heart you have written your name The one I love, I.. will never be the same So feel my skin, and touch my soul My heart is yours to have and to hold And if it should break into tiny pieces In the shards of my heart our love releases
As always, comments and critique are appreciated! Thanks for taking time to read my attempts.