last spring
i was somewhat happy
you kissed me on a street corner after we spent the day drinking coffee and beach combing
then you tried to push my boundaries in your car in a random parking lot
but i wouldn't let you.
then things were okay
and shortly thereafter we put a label on it
then you met my parents.

this time last year
i was waiting for a text that i never received
i was waiting for a call back but the phone never rang
i had never been so hurt before
you planted roots in my heart and my brain, though retrospectively i realize they were superficial at best

it has been over a year since that day
and i still wonder why you ended things in such a cowardly way
was it because i wouldn't let you touch me?
was it because i didn't want to be just friends? or just benefits?

since then
i discovered it takes incredible strength to put myself back together
but just a few simple words to tear my world apart
i let myself be played and taken advantage of because after you, that's what I thought i deserved

last year i lost sight of everything
i lost my love for life

we sit. weary pupils dilate as we watch
the dying day mourn lilac tears onto
rosy cloud-cheeks,
eyes widen like it's an action movie
and the night has begun to wake
its warriors - or worse,
it's a documentary, and
someone's burning van gogh's stars
back into oblivion. lord, we're watching
universes fall and bleed
-but the film stops there.
our sentiments are unscripted,
it's just that chill that creeps up our
collars and strokes our
amygdalae enviously-
               and i daresay, to our sightcaptor
        who begins to reach her way in
                    and withdraw, simultaneously,
      i dare speak:

          do
          not
        touch
          me

but it's hard to stay cool
when you love the face of the sun
and must sing her to sleep.

I wish you’ve never heard me laugh,
I wish you’ve never seen me cry.
I hate how without even looking, you can tell I’m upset,
I hate when you can tell I’m lying.
I want every night to be like November,
I want you to race back to my house and spend two hours with me in the driveway.
I want to be your biggest fan.
I love how you say you’ll call,
I love the tattoo on your right shoulder that you never posted,
I love how irritated you get when I say ‘never mind’
I love to imagine I mean something to you, maybe just a fraction of a thought.
I want to yell at you and pick fights,
I want to tell you you’re insane when you swerve on the road to avoid the potholes,
I want to be the best friend you thought you didn’t need,
I want to hold your hand.
I know you’re leaving me in the rubble,
I know you’re driving far, far away,
I know why you’re leaving too.
I want to know your heart like how you’ve come to live in mine,
I want to know you like how you’ve come to know me.

there's a world all around that is nothing as it seems
what we see may not be there or is it our mind in disappear
rivers of colors flow, as golden fish jump out of the pond as they begin to freeze
the clouds are sliver  the sky is pink
this cannot not be real or so we think
the more we see we cannot believe
as it start to rain falling leaves
they hit the ground and grow into trees
being confused you continue you decide to walk
to the ocean to see the sea
but the water in the ocean is not what you think
it  is soft like wiped cream and has cherries floating that are pink
you mind must be having a melt down
or your eyes need to get fixed
because something  must be playing  a weird kinda trick
then you see you brain up in the air
you try to catch it but it looks at you with a stare
so you  grab a ladder and climb on up
take hold of your brain as you wake back up
on the couch you sit up
as you look out into the sky
everything is back to normal
then you let out a relieving sigh
for you will never know what caused this
all you can do is be more careful next time

a turquoise thunder
were the color of her eyes
against her golden skin
her freckles looked like chocolate
her long brown her blowing in the strong wind
love at first sight,
a beautiful sight, the pulled me in.
as soon as she laughed, she took my heart captive

I’ve moved countries.
I’ve moved, and it’s the little differences that remind me of this.
It’s not the massive skyscrapers and old town squares,
the gray skies and cold weather
(oh so different from the heat of skin on skin I’m used to)
It’s not the fast paced life and sounds of a foreign tongue surrounding me

It’s the little things,
like the subtle quietness of my apartment,
and the clack of heels on the floor above me,
the waterfall of TV advertisments,

It’s the sense of loneliness
and the nostalgia of your touch

It’s how I forgot the colour of your eyes,
and the shape of your nose,
your crooked smile and heartfelt laugh

I don’t miss my country,
I’m missing all the aspects of you that are still locked back there.