i’ve put you out of my mind.
pages, chapters were turned.
we’ve carried on with new lives.
but seeing you stirred
something in me
i can’t quite comprehend.

we were so good for a while.
overwhelming,
and grossly fun.
i remember the shivers
that ran down my spine
whilst you opened up my heart.
why you stopped,
i’ll never understand.

you were taken aback
by the chemistry,
the almost-could-have-beens.
you called me the enigma,
full of mystery —
a work of wonder
left feeling cheap.
words off your mouth
like ambrosia i drank.

and now i’m having dreams about you
when i’ve filed you away.
i would have been yours,
if you’d asked me to.
i’m sorry you realised too late
that you ****** it up
right at the start.

Unfortunately I did it again,
I fell for the daydream,
I idolised men.
Now predictably I’m in way over my head,
Your presence I’m used to,
Your breathing in bed.
You’re part of the furniture now,
We can’t stay away,
Your love is a grass stain,
I can’t wash away.

i dream of
running my hands through
his black curls
but his heart is obsidian
and i am an iron pickaxe

help me smother
these chaotic sparks
you’ve fed, fuelled
and let grow
whilst gasping for air,
my bleeding heart
submits quietly
to your soul.

though i may want you
i don't want to hold your hand
backtrack any thoughts or words
written with you in mind
regret devoting so much
time and energy to study your features
or wondering whether you can end up
making the mistake of being with me

a slurry of fire and magma can’t escape
through the crust, being stopped by a
thin layer of earth, unable to express
itself, to wreak havoc upon the earth.

it’s passion is bottled up, its fear is contained,
his fury is sealed, saved for another day
when it can express its emotion.
but now, the crust encases it like a weighted blanket

I see her in school some times
no lipstick, no fancy clothes
even in these boring uniforms
dim lit lights and stressed minds

her face shines
like the necklace she always wears
her presence
brings warmth like class’s fav teacher

when I hear her laughs
the school turns into an orchestra
I go to school everyday
not because I study well
just to see her
to get lost in her eyes one last time

outside the chauffeur waits for her
while I run behind the bus
heard that she has traveled the world
while I struggle to visit a nearby hill

she’ll never love me
I won’t stop loving her till I die

when I’ll have enough money
I’ll buy not some luxury gifts
but a bouquet of flowers and a book

As it’s because of her
I write
I feel love
I want to live