One of my spoken words. You can listen to it here;
https://soundcloud.com/elithelostboy/rope

I don’t know if I’ll be alive much longer. I spent every day trying to get stronger and stronger. But I still feel the same. Like God is just playing some sick and twisted game. I don’t remember the last time I felt alive, it’s just constant hours of feeling dead inside.

And it’s all your fault. It’s all your fault that my life is coming to a speedy halt. I opened up for the first time in years. You broke down my walls and helped me conquer my fears. You said you’d always be there, that we were going to be the perfect pair. But you lied, and now everything is crumbling down like a landslide. Where are you? While I’m here in the dark, with blood dripping down my wrists, a razor in my tightly grasped fists. Where are you? I need you. I love you. Or maybe I hate you, and my emotions are clouding my judgment. If I survive you can bet your *** that when someone new comes and takes your place, I will be reluctant. Reluctant to let my walls fall down. Because when the last person said she’d be around she killed herself. And now she’s just a memory on a shelf, like you’re going to be. Forever haunting my dreams, breaking me down at the seams. You’re just like everyone else. You’re not different. You’re ******* ignorant. You’re a liar, and a heartbreaker.

And now there’s a rope around my neck, and I’m writing you one last letter before I jump off this deck. Before I go see God, I need you to know that you were single most significant person in my world for a while. You were my second chance at love. But when push came to shove, you left too. Sure you’re alive, and she’s not. But I’d rather you be dead than alive. So instead of being distracted by the guys who treat you like ****, so instead of having to live in the same planet as the person who ripped out my core, you’d be dead. Just like her. You’d become a faded memory of something that once was. So instead of you dying, I’ll take the bullet. Because I don’t want to live in a world where I can’t be near you. Where I can’t love you.

"State Line"

Downpour

The torrential kind
In which
You forget
Through overexposure
What it feels like
To see color

Yet remember
Everything else

Clarity in flashes

The earth spills
Its daily struggles
And I bottle mine

---

"Welcome to Earth"

Condensed
Supersaturated

Breaching and scorching
This tortured sky

Will Smith is too expensive
To save us now

---

"A Thousand Words"

In the storm
Shadows and highlights
Are nonsensical terms

Indistinguishable

Black level, high
Contrast, immeasurable
Noise, present

---

"Peripheral"

Push it
Go as fast as you like
I'll take my time
And watch you spin
Out of control
Just outside
The point of
No return

---

"Patience"

Accuse me
Again and again
Convince me I'm wrong

I'll hurl my innocence
Into the storm

Wait for it
It's coming back

---

"Double Down"

That isn't light
At the end of the tunnel
It's just less dark

Double down
It's not over yet

---

"Joy"

Persistent color
Through the fog
Shrek on wheels
Snoopy on ice
They pass and
We follow

---

"Crossing Over"

There is a pain
That comes after

In the relief

In the recuperated vision
An aching remnant of
Stolen senses

You almost miss it

---

"Recovery"

Dreams resurface
Broken
Sparse
Waist-deep in white noise
A melody identifiable as my own

Crickets chirp
Incessant
Ironic
Soaked in stagnant thought
A denotation of the passing storm

I can't remember the code
To get in

Normally it's not a problem

Numbers are like puzzle pieces
To me

Seven and three
Three and fourteen

Fives are blue and
Tens are black

They all just fit

Magnetically
Charged and begging
For togetherness

And understanding

Like the eagle understands gravity
And thrives on it

Despite resenting
Its usefulness

I stand
Outside

I push
Buttons

I hear
Sounds

I understand
So little

Sick and secluded
I discover myself
Bouncing between
Feelings and hot water music

A poetry pong master in the making!

Or perhaps a mere loner
Lost in wild blue?
Criticizing deflections and
The distance of the moon

These tides are my own doing
They'll drag me back in
They always do

A drunken realization of
What matters most
Wanders in and out
Of consciousness
In and out
Of solipsistic getaways
In and out
Of this existential rain
Then miraculously sticks

Becomes static

Electricity
Crackles and lingers
In my ears like
Bubble wrap buttons
Snapping and
Slamming this
Contemporary chatter
Back into the reality
Of these off-white walls

A residual impact
I can feel in my bones

I wonder who knows

He was
A fallen star
Ever spinning
A hidden halo of
Hawking radiation

He dragged her in
Kicking and screaming

Swallowed her fire and spat out
The ash, now stripped of all color

Into a world not unlike the one he'd stolen her from

Her particles
Now formless
Drifted without purpose

A monochromatic diffusion of her quondam existence

The sepia shade of her filter facade
Barely deflected the stupid questions
She'd never have the answers to

But she knew what to do

She knew how to drift and spread herself
Across this rock of coruscating life

With a thinness nothing short of impressive

Like a flattened chameleon
Hidden in the midst of
A bustling city sidewalk