Her faint pop music,
The giggles they make
in the dark
In one room
Different worlds
Deep in slumber
Or awake on the surface
No in between
Sleep won't sink in
Patience wearing
Head ringing
Throat feeling bile
I'm tired.

Green smudge
stains
the purple shirt.
The heart nonstop,
and the night uncertain.
The three legged cat searches
for his owner,
and I search for sleep.

Amid the darkness,
the moon shines bright.
The sky scattered with stars.
You lay your head.
The day is done.
To pause for a moment,
To recharge.
Is the world asleep?
Are you the only one
With heavy lids,
With ticking mind?

Needing sleep,
Your brain refuses.
Is there a list to write,
a moment needing worry?
You check the clock
the time ticks on.
5 hours till your alarm,
Four hours, three, two
Will you get any sleep?

Panic starts to creep
You'll oversleep,
You'll  miss the day,
What if you never wake,
What if no one wakes?
How can you sleep?
There's thoughts to be had.
There's chores to list,
Your day to plan.


Where's the pause button,
The off switch?
The mind can wait,
Tomorrow will come.
Rest those lids,
Let yourself go
And drift away.

Some nights are not as good as others
for example I have never loved Thursdays
no Thursday is what you want it to be
and no Thursday night offers enough rest

some nights, maybe Thursdays, I'm awake
laying where I'd sleep with eyes closed
but mind wide open, wishing to be empty
or filled with whatever rest has to offer it

I lay lucid, still as sand, wishing gently
for your warm hand in my hair, shirt
wrapped in me, pressing me into oblivion
on a stupid sleepless Thursday night.

Heavy breaths bounce in the corners of my room
while tears stream down my face as I wonder
what's the reason this time around.
In the back of my mind, I know for sure
why it's 1am and I can't sleep again.
It's scary to say it out loud.
I pull up my phone to distract my brain
since it seems like it can't keep quiet but
all the images remind me that I
don't have anyone to call to ask them
to help me out.
Even my dog leaves quietly towards
my parents' bedroom even though they
haven't got home yet.
I don't start to calm down until
these words make their way
into the notes on my phone.
I can breathe again.
- panic attack.

1 AM
Still awake
Walking down 9th Avenue
Wondering where I'm going

I lost track of my steps
Now I am just wandering
Few steps later
I'm at 32nd

Oh you doubtful
When will you ever realize
That this journey has meaning
And are you willing to see it

Look up
You're getting there
Keep walking
Till the sun comes back up