I'm somebody's daughter
Made of sugar and gasoline 
I wash away the filth until I bleed 
Desperate to be clean

I'm somebody's daughter

A small and hungry crime scene 
Made of guilt and strawberry cream 
But I never cry in my dreams

I'm somebody's daughter

Trying to become untaught 
They love the sound of sorry 
Even when they know I'm not


Sincerely, someone's daughter

in my deepest
exhale
i found the
weight i carried
float away
from me
and now
i can finally
breathe

Come ginger me,
Coz only u feel my pains..
Give me VITAMINS that will take this pains away..
Vitamins like these words dripping from my hypospadias through my finger tips. scribblings have become my vitamins, perseverance my meds,
exercise my up keep, meditation my remedy.
God my stronghold...

the goodness in you
will make you feel like
a true goddess

only if you will try to look it
inside your flesh
instead of other's

because your skin isn't rotten
it's going through a process
that will take time

as being a goddess
is not an easy task
she's good yet carries all flaws

who believes in herself
who stands up for herself
who take breaks when things get hard

she accepts the goodness
with all fears
she learns to face her problems

that's how you become
a goddess
who do good for you

I feel it bubbling up again
Like nausea, the feeling right before you *****
Uncontrollable and unstoppable
And utterly gut wrenching and ugly
A crush---

I can't just crush on you
Without being crushed
The weight of wanting like a boulder on my chest
It hurts, it heaves
It takes over my brain like a parasite
I feel little worms carrying thoughts of you across my synapses
Eventually, my cells will be rewritten with your image
The image that I've created in my head
And the image of me that I imagine you want

I will look in the mirror and I will no longer see my face
I will only see through your eyes, I will see myself as what I need to change to be wanted by you

I can't do this
I'm ripping you off my skin, I'm clawing my way back through the mirror
I am holding my eyes wide open
Reality check---
I can't lose myself in someone else again
I can't break my own heart
I can't crush or be crushed

Don’t lose yourself to the way that
You think that they want you
I keep being people that are unlike
The ones that were once me
And I’m not made that happy
By things, fun, or people
In a couple rotations
I’ve lost myself
And become something new
To become something new again

When they come back around
And you know they’ll come around
Will they see me standing there
Or will I be on the move
There’s a circle to run in
But I can’t just keep running
When the way gets familiar
And I stop looking cool
I have to change
That’s okay. That’s okay I guess
I’m reborn in new action
I’ll just do something else

You have to live with it
Whatever you do
Well that’s life for you
You have to handle it
You’re being destroyed
By the things you choose to
Make decisions for you
But it’s not who you are
No, you don’t have to be
What you’re doing today

I  just can’t stay still
And I can’t keep pace
Just to spiral
I have to change

Instead of ******* her I ****** my hand
While the time she said I’m cute
Played on a loop in my head
I didn’t think it’d be appropriate
If I just started groping her
It’s more like I forgot how to ask
Do you want -
To do it!
We're not romantically involved
I hardly know her at all
Are things too casual for casual ***?

I’m not sure if I can do it for real
Like I can do in my head
So I’ll just stay there instead
Where we’ll experience some pleasurable
Moments at my leisure
Is it possible she could remember
Things I pretend?

I’m just saying
If she’s in front of you
Then you should try making moves
On her
Instead of yourself
You’ve got a lot more
Going for you
Than you might think
So you’ve gotta
Do what you can
Not to feel this anxiety

And go
Just go
Go and put yourself out there

you can do that whenever you want to
and you probably will
if just to prove you can

activities you love are still worth loving
and you realize that
your appreciation of
ice cream and literature
while shared with her
is uniquely yours

separate from her and your love for her

oh darling
it is you who cries too often
and leaves nothing inside herself
it is you who purges
sweat
and blood
and *****
to the gods of self and society
sweat and blood and *****
to void and nothingness

grinning insanity of grief
cries to know and chooses not to
it is pain that you know
and pain that won’t release you

do not forget the heat of what fills your *******
your arms
your genitals
your sweat is burning
your blood is burning
***** burning
it is hell inside

empty your hell to me my love
empty your hot and heavy
loaded words and baggage
neverending flow of **** and ****
neverendingneverending
you are full of fire
and the molten gods of self-sacrifice
refuse to relinquish you
to holy happiness

empty your hell to me my love
I will cool your brow
with lips and hands and water
I will wash you in my love
I will know you with new love
I will fill you with
this serenity
that you can
empty
into
me

cool the fires of fear
and pain and loss and betrayal
with new fires of passion
that are exuberant acts of ecstasy
we are human after all
- only human
and holy holy holy to each other

this is what we are
beings filled with fire
molten images craved
even worshipped
created by gods
to serve as successors
we must stitch ourselves together
and quench this hell with heaven
a reclamation of scars
and scar tissues
we may build our own city
entirely of gold