there is a young lady who, in most scenarios, exudes an air of elegance. her eyes are as brilliant as a star in the sky. she possesses the power, grace, and boldness that one would adore. she is a woman who never lets someone down and who doesn't perceive wrongdoing. her magnificence radiates within and pours outward like an adventure along a lengthy path. her dazzling smile illuminates the room as brightly as the sun breaking over the horizon, and it comes as no surprise that she is also very wise and works very hard. she is the kind of woman who would go out of her way to help someone who is struggling yet despite all of the effort she puts forth, no one ever sees her crack under the strain.
however, people will eventually become exhausted. people typically stop being the same person they were before they reached their limits since, after a certain point, they are needed to be tired. when people reach their limits, they tend to stop being the person who they were before.

...and that ended up being the case with her. that nothing, not even sleep, can solve her exhaustion, and that everything around her seemed to be pointless. she is tired of the noise of her sorrows, tired of always facing her fears, and tired of struggling with obstacles that continue to return in her life. she is worn out from squandering her days in a state of hopelessness, from having words stab her heart like sharp spears, and from leading a life that is nothing but a constant source of misery. she is dead beat of pretending that she does not care when, on the inside, she does care; she is tired of being imprisoned in unhealthy relationships and environments; she is fed up with hypocrisy and lies in a room full of fakes and shells. she is drained out from fighting against failure, putting up a show, and continuing to believe against all odds.

she's merely gotten weary of being so downcast. she genuinely wants someone to come and save her from her pain, but she can't even help herself from grief. and again, the whole world is neglecting her cries for help. now, tell me, how can she possibly be saved if the world is unable to protect her from enduring agony?

the world is such a harsh place.

...isn't it?

Katanya, tak baik untuk memendam
Tetapi, tak semua rasa mudah memadam
Katanya, janganlah selalu dipendam
Nyatanya, tak semua cakap bisa meredam

Mereka, bisa menuntut
Tetapi, haruskah hati selalu menurut?
Mereka,  bisa bertindak sebagai penuntut
Tetapi, rasanya.. jiwa tak perlu selalu berlutut

Ada masa.. untuk menarik diri
Untuk bersimpuh, dan memberi diri afeksi
Ada masa... untuk menangis, memendam semua emosi
Untuk menyadari semua hanya proses menjadi asri

Terima kasih, sudah selalu kuat
Berdiri dan menjalani semua walau terasa berat
Terima kasih, sudah selalu kuat
Untuk kamu, yang terhebat..

Dear Love,

I found you in the back alley way
near the barn on a bike
and swimming in the glen.

Saw you jump right in,
*** out, into a freezing pool -
middle fingers in the air
like some weird baptismal funeral.

I felt the weight of your losses on my shoulders
like a backpacking trip from hell,
and the way your lips pressed against one another
in an empty room.

Heard you laugh in an empty room
and fill cars with God-awful karaoke,
windows down and smiling the whole time.

I tasted your tears when you laughed
so hard that you cried, or cried so hard that you laughed,
bittersweet like a chipwich in a 711 parking lot.

Smelt your pain like a two-day-old dish
just waiting to be scrubbed, and
your happiness in clean clothes and roadside flowers.

They say soul mates aren't real,
its just who you put the work into.
Each day I wake up to you,
raw and real and still trying,
still learning and loving and giving it your all,
and honey that's just why I love,

Myself

This life accused me.
I didn’t answer,
Because under my skin;
I found Anima Mundi.

dear basil,

i know long distance is the bane of your existence
and you feel like the only person that understands you is
more than 1000 miles away
(maybe that's true)

i also know that you are cursing yourself at 3am
for wanting to be held
thinking that means you are toxic and codependent
but it's OKAY to want love
(i promise)

it's okay to cry yourself to sleep sometimes
because loving across distance is hard and painful
as long as you pick yourself back up in the morning
do your skincare routine, feel beautiful
sing to yourself, be whimsical
smile at strangers, wear your heart on your sleeve
(your heart is not broken, just tired)

but you can do it
live in text messages and phone calls
write letters, send care packages
until you can kiss his soft lips goodnight
every. single. night.
(it will be worth it)

(i promise),
basil

One day
I will look into the mirror
and not hate what I see

One day
I will be glad that I am finally me

One day
I wont be disgusted by my reflection

One day
I will love my imperfections

One day
I will rise from above
And finally give my body love

I sat alone, with thoughts so deep,
A mirror showed my soul to peep.
It reflected back my deepest fears,
My pain, my doubts, my unshed tears.

But as I looked into that glass,
I saw beyond the pain amassed.
I saw the strength that I possessed,
To rise above and face the test.

The fire burning bright within,
The will to fight and never give in,
To break the chains and be set free,
To rise above, and truly be me.

So now I sit, not quite alone,
With a newfound strength I've honed.
I see the beauty, the love, the grace,
Reflected back upon my face.

With every challenge that I face,
I know that I can find my place.
For in that mirror, clear as day,
I see the power to light my way.