Somebody told me I could fly.
I believed them.
Somebody told me I was worth it.
I believed them.
Somebody told me I had a purpose.
I believed them.
Somebody told me I was beautiful.
I believed them.
Somebody told me I was loved.
I believed them.

Or so I told them.
Because the demons in our HEADS never shut up.
They never rest, so in turn, neither do we.
They draw out their ugly claws.
You feel them dig deep into your skin, locking into place.
They see you as their first love.
The kind of love no one ever forgets.
And they SCREAM.
Ear piercing screams driving straight down into your SOUL.
And silence...
Then...
Someone tells you you can fly.
"You'll fall."
Someone tells you you're worthy.
"You're worthless."
Someone tells you you have a purpose.
"You're useless."
Someone tells you you're beautiful
"You're uglier than us."
Someone tells you You're loved.
"By the darkness lurking in your head. Grab the knife, honey."

i tear myself open
like a letter
never meant to be read,
until my hands tremble
and each line
bleeds into the next.

i’m the sum of everything
i swore i’d never be —
the cut, the salt,
the silent weight
of an empty glass.

the shell i’m left with
isn’t worth taking up space.
i became my own enemy,
when i ran out of people to blame.

today I searched for a knife
not to **** anyone in the bright of the night

no I didn’t mean
I only thought about hurting the one who is speaking now

me and myself

I don't know why
wait that's incorrect
I DO know why
but it’s all stupid in the back of the end

let me say that
I was hypnotized
by my own thoughts
searching for a knife
even more hypnotized was I
when I couldn't find it
I almost asked my mom where it hid

cause I was pretty sure I left it on my shelf
looked in all my backpacks
in my coat and even on my night table

searching for a knife

now looking at the time
so much fades away
suddenly realizing what happened anyway

I was searching for a knife

A KNIFE

I can't

looked around
saw the mess
back to the present
with eyes full of innocence

searching for a knife
but still knowing I could bite

I bet my past self hid it somewhere
cause I always leave things behind
thinking I could find

now I’m looking with the eyes of past me
when I was five
asking what I'm doing

all I say to past me five is
survive

and there the feeling is back
me worrying about future me when I'm twenty four
cause I am pretty sure
if those thoughts say the same
this will be no fair game

searching for a knife

I bite
not only with words

when I mean bite
I mean that teeth fill the night
with tears in my eyes
and the pain fills the head


cause I said:

if you want to dream this high
then there needs to be perfection
without any exception

I feel with pain

but the truth is that
I don't know how to stop
cause I do it at all cost
and it all started when I was lost

sitting on my bed
fighting in my head
my hands in my hair
and breathing all the air
my eyes from left to right
never thought that I'd be right

I do bite

and fingers once unharmed
have now scars so deep

I cut it because,
I know that I I don’t.
A cold swollen body,
Won’t always float.
Saltwater’s more harsh,
It stings in my throat.
Traversing the seas
In a decommissioned boat

They say when the lungs,
Swallow it in,
You're taken over by calm,
Three scars on your shin.

You know I don't have a gun
To point at my own head
But there's other ways to
On the bright of one morning
Be declared dead

As I stare at my reflection
Oblivious to what I see
Because the only problem in my life
Is actually just me

The baggy jeans linger over my legs
And I can't live without cigarettes
The scars on my body
The cuts aren't deep
Maybe just enough to keep me asleep

I need a smoke
Perhaps one day I'll be brave enough
To reach my own home

The need to close my eyes
And shut my naïve mind
from believing those stupid lies

The cloud retreats my mouth
Tomorrow I'm moving south
Or maybe just buy another pack
That's just enough to fulfil my lack

Self Harm a harm that makes me feel good
a harm that pains others more the it pains me
Self Harm the way I cope with the pain
A pain that I cannot explain
I hurt those who care
I wish I could stop but I do not dare
Self Harm a type of drug that no one acknowledges

Sometimes I think of going back,
when my mind begins to scream.
When my body loses power,
and I fade into a dream.

Sometimes I'm close to giving in,
when laughter doesn't stay.
When everything feels heavy,
and the light just slips away.

And when I go back, I wonder:
was it worth that brief escape?
A second of still silence,
for a year of endless ache?

I go back... but I don’t speak it.
I hold it in and fake it.
Don’t want to hear their questions,
or see the way they break it.

I know I made a vow,
but I broke it, somehow.
Once again, I crossed that line,
once again, I said "this time."

To you, it’s been nine months.
To them, it’s still unknown.
To me, it never ended.
I’ve faced this all alone.

It returns when I get angry,
it returns when I just stare.
It returns when tears come easy,
it returns when no one's there.

It never really leaves me,
it hides in every mirror.
It speaks inside my silence,
it echoes every fear.

Red eyes, like every time I fall.
A guilty mind, behind it all.
A heart that whispers what I hide.
A soul too tired to even cry.

Going back feels automatic,
living feels so problematic.
Pain is loud, yet I stay static—
and healing? Never truly magic.

Blade
Skin
Slice

Warm
Flowing
Blood

Dark
Silent
Thud

Scream
Sirens
Rush

"It's
Too
Late"

Calm
Quiet
Rest