Decked out in chiffon and lace
young Ella, called after mom,
never felt so grown,
rushing to mother’s call
to pilot the stroller today.

The streets to market were bare
save for a frail widow
guiding her walker to their right -
smiling at the girl in chiffon.

Without a sign, electric shocks
seized the old woman's frame,
spreading her supine like a crucifix
beside the irrelevant walker.

Battling through glazing eyes,
she clung to images of mother, stroller
and the girl in chiffon -
their cries a distant echo.

But their images presently faded
and old dear Ella returned to primal dust.

*July, 2006

Annabelle does sit at play,
In her usual, cheery way.
She does not worry, nor does she fret,
She hasn’t reason to be scared yet.
Then, the seizure overtakes her,
Perhaps caused by a noise, an innocent whir.
“Mom, it’s happening”, she cries,
With her hands she covers her eyes.
“Annabelle, Annabelle, ‘twill all be fine,”
We calmly say, with deep fear inside.
We knew that this was epilepsy,
I wished it wasn’t her, but me.
But she endured the pain and strife,
Now a part of her daily life.
She was strong of heart and head,
Even in her hospital bed.
After a minute, the nausea stops,
And our level of fear gradually drops.
Annabelle returns to her lovely self,
But we know that more seizures will take this sweet, young elf.

Fear is that rock
In your throat
When you can't breath
And your eyes
Decide they're dry.
It's that numbness
That starts in your face
And paralyzes you whole,
Everything from
Your toes
To your brain
Until you're thinking
A million things at once
And nothing.
Fear is
Watching your best friend
Lose control of his body
On his kitchen floor
Because he was born with
A dysfunctional kidney
And not knowing how to
Make it stop
And realizing you might
Never laugh with him again.
I lie awake at night
With that image
Scarred into the
Back of my eyes
Because I'm afraid
There will be a next time
And that the next time
Will be the
End.

here comes number two
this time I didn’t want to be through
this is the second overdose
at least I’m not comatose

first I had this headache
but then I felt my back ache
my hands were kinda trembling
my legs wouldn’t stop bending

my head began to tighten
my mom needed to be enlightened
I tried to talk with her
all my words were blurred

they asked if they could help in a way
I just needed to keep my body at bay
it was hard to breathe
I knew I needed to leave

in the car came more spasms
I don’t think she even fathomed
this is what happens you see
when you need meds to be

they ask me how much I took
to overdose on lithium
I just gave an astonishing look
I didn’t do this for fun

I’m here because I’m seizing
on a dose that was wrote
by my doctor you see
so I could finally be
normal to me.

you just lay me here to quiver
and you’re in here faking
this alarm is awakening
BP one forty three over ninety four
I’m convulsing, almost to the floor
my heart rate is up to one fifty
this could not be anymore ******

you wanna give me ativan
after I tell you they said no benzos
plus I’m on this other,
atypical antipsychotic
oh, I forgot to mention that other overdose.
I don’t need to frolic
in a white pill sea
that’s now beneath me

I just want this to stop.
this constant convulsing
the unwanted tightening
it goes from bottom to top

over an hour later
it finally chose to stop
when the blood work was fine
my heart was on a normal line

my body shakes from the cold
that’s normal - at least its what i’m told
my whole body shakes
its like i’m an earthquake
an earthquake inside
waiting to break my mind
its so hard to tell
when i hear the bell
if all of this is truly real

I am sitting on the chair
and suddenly I fall,
my head is banging on the door,
my body's shaking on the floor.

I know what's going on,
it will never be better,
it will only get worse,
I've lost control.