taking the trash out one night,
i begin to fantasize about my own disappearance.
with the way it's raining, loud against the
metal of the house,
of the car,
of the little, singing bud in my ear,
i think to myself,
i don't think anyone would have seen this coming.
i find my place between the mazda and the bins,
walk there to the beat of this song which sounds
so much like an insistentlyapproaching bootfall,
and the bag is heavy as i swing it up and in,
and i return inside for the second.
right, the second.
i think about the documentary after i'm gone,
when they do the re-enactment.
and he walked inside again, mom will say and
dab at her eyes, for the second bag. i saw him, saw him go.
out of focus, the false me will wooshslowmotion with
a grocery bag of scraps around her and out the door
and then he will be gone forever
and he will have been taken so much for granted
and he will have incredible ratings.
this bag is smaller.
it takes no effort to toss,
and i latch the lid of the bin closed
with bungee rope like needy restraints
and i slip through the gate,
unfollowed,
close it behind me,
untaken,
up the steps beneath the awning which shouts
with rain,
and when i enter the house,
it is empty and sleeping
and dark and nothing.
there is no one to miss me in here.
