The fire came, but the bridge wasn’t burned
Every scar I’ve had are ones I’ve earned
Deleting conversations from the earth
And the way I acted still makes me hurt
This is my fourth day in row being sober
Fourth day where I didn’t wish this was over
I’ll count my blessing like four leaf clovers
The love you gave makes the heat feel colder

and just like that,
light, fresh air, seeing everything, seeing Myself, seeing how i've lived up to this point, everything, all of it
all at once.
the veil was lifted again and the person i was seems so far away.
there is no past.
this is a clean slate.
i am a new person.
i am not my past, it just happened to me, i am not stuck there because if i was, i wouldn't be here.

i am here.
i am not there or anywhere but here.
going up and forward.
no more looking behind my shoulder,
no more opening scars,
no more of that.

i am reborn.

I love the smell
Of the rain
Lingering upon my skin
The slight chill
Working its way up my back
As I inhale the cold air
Sharp and crisp
Flooding me
With tomorrow
As I exhale
Yesterday
In short puffs of steam
And I feel
Reborn
As every drop collects
In the plane of my body

I don't have to be sorry
Not at all
My conscience will fall
And let me alone
I will not regret
Not one thing
Not one
I will feel
Instead of fearing
I will see
Instead of hiding
I will go there
Meet it
Face to face
I will not let myself die in disgrace
I will fight for what I want
I will go there, fall, get up again.
I'll be strong
And stronger
Than I have ever been
I will be golden
Rock solid,
Deep with every emotion within.
I will fight, I will fall, and get up.
I will know how to call myself up.
To be able to look it in the eye
No matter how scary,
No matter how much I denied everything before.
Now and forever more
I will be who I truly really am
I will be myself, honestly
I will be and be and be and I will BE
Fierce and fiery and unapologetically ME.

46, 47,.. her lips was counting
how the clock is ticking
when the time is frozen
she couldn't move,
but the limbs are shaking

and what to think of
the care they promised
now in a lonely freezer
her bones are cracking
to think of the living

and wish she be braver
in the next life
they be together
and she would die again
no regrets!

she shivered,
and soul descended
with hopes of forever
in another universe
again.