Throughout my life, I have been taught and told about the pain behind the loss and the heartbreak
But never about the pain of wanting to love someone who has been perfectly crafted for you and feeling as if you're unable to feed them the required love they deserve due to the emotional paralysis you are now inflicted with from your inner brokenness and from the world draining and milking whatever feeling or emotion you once had as your heart has now been melted to stone
And that is when you finally come to a realization that you are now left with absolutely nothing due to the oblivion of what it is to love or be loved and if whether or not you are enough.

THE GARDEN
Walking in the garden today
I felt the beauty the garden had
I felt it speak to me
I felt me in the roses and flowers in the garden
I saw a beauty everyone saw, that made them come to it
I saw a gardener trim the garden
I saw lovers enjoying the beauty of the garden
I saw students, enjoying and having their fun time in the garden
I saw a novelist enjoying the quiet atmosphere the garden gave to help her imagination
But then,
Even though it was a garden filled with beauty,
Flowers that covered its nakedness
People all around it to keep it from being lonely,
Saw all kinds of love around it,
The garden never truly felt the love that filled the atmosphere
Because
No one saw the importance of a garden
Only it's BEAUTY.

I'm waiting for the day when I get to freefall,
experience weightlessness;
with no worries at all.
Let the wind evaporate my tears
and let the whispers of it blow away my ears.
The whispers will launch me into reminiscing;
which may bring me back to a realization,
that this is the sound,
the sound of the unfinished fall.

I wonder why I don’t see the beauty and the sparkles of the blossoming cherry trees.
Why I don’t feel the joy hearing the songs of the birds near me.
All I see now is the surge of political hypocrisies.
Blames and hatred ignited by partisan politics fueled by cruelty of humanity.
I thought I was part of the world filled with love, light, and beauty.  
But I am now in the midst of uncertainty,  
where cooperation, unity, and solidarity among people are indeed illusory.
Everything now seems dark, cloudy, gloomy.
Stigma, racism, discrimination, and xenophobia,
the ugliness of humanity.
This crisis tests our capacity to understand, to overcome.
I am now sitting quietly in darkness to transform my fear to trust humanity,
To have patience and slowly erase anxiety.
I am trying to continually believe that we all live under the same glow and glitter of the sun.
And that though we may even have different rivers and mountains,
we still speak the same language.
The language of peace and harmony, the language of love and shared humanity.
I am looking forward soon, on the very day when we humans wake up to a new reality.
With our helpful hands, open arms and compassionate heart, shining each other’s  journey.

Your smile nukes me, obliterates logic, burns my bridges to sanity,
Your eyes, deep depths of the ocean, my covert escape from reality
This feeling it seems so wrong, but feels just about right
Some moments of ecstasy, some days spent feeling contrite
The heart so very forgetful of the past, the pains and the ache
These dreams made of brittlest of glass, bound to crash and break
It takes me further away from the truth, my wild running imagination
Dropping these anchors, my words may need to weather, storms of tribulation.

At that moment. That night.
When I watched them dancing at the concert.
I realized I love him.
And he will never know.

-3nwlry