What is life? What is love?
Do I have faith in God above?
What is religion, what is faith
If not tools to make good men hate
Is there salvation
Or only damnation
You live your life in very simple ways
Trying to get through our very simple days
We try to understand the things we cannot
But it seems love has been forgot
So many riots and so many screams
This world is an evil one it seems
Turn on your tv and go to news
Funny name for a station that shows nothing new
I don't pretend to know or understand why
Men take it upon themselves to decide others should die
What is this world I live in                
So much disgust covered in sin
We claim to love as we hate
We claim to understand only to degrade
Yeah I see the stares
Yeah I know its not fair
I don't know when it started
Perhaps I once did but I forgot it
Yeah they I've fallen
But I've just started
The old me.up and died
I swallowed my faith and my pride
No I don't know when
I never knew such a sweet sin
I've seen life and witnessed death
I've held my brother in his final breath
Now they say I've fallen
But I've just started
The old me up and died
Forgot my beliefs and swallowed pride
No I'm not fallen
I've just forgotten
How to act or what to say
I don't know when I became this way
Oh when did it begin
When did I start to love this sin
Turned my back on my God
But it was me He forgot
Tg ey say I've fallen
But I've just started
To realize
All the lies
I prayed it wasn't true
But the greatest lie was you

6/3/19
What gets you outta bed in the morning?
What is your motivation to live?

Buzzing alarm, groggy eyes, aching back,
Yelling mother, honking bus, ringing phone,
Bright sun, freezing air, thin mattress;
Surely there’s more than this?

Yes, surely there has to be a reason,
There must be a passion!
There must be desire!
There must be something!

Maybe you live for another life,
Maybe you pursue wisdom or knowledge,
Maybe you aspire personal glory or attention,
Your goals will drive your motivation.

Yet, maybe there is no passion,
Maybe you have no reason to go.
Or your reason is not bigger than you,
Your passion is not well-founded.

Maybe you keep going only for
Others’ expectations or demands.
There is only desire to please,
No passion for actual progress.

Don’t you want to just fly out of bed?
Don’t you wish to just love life?
You cannot hide your life away,
Because there is passion, reason, and desire!

Did you hear that?
That shear pain
That sounds like scratches on a chalkboard.
That horrible sound that makes you think of the last rejection from your crush.
Did you think about that one moment that everyone around you knows the truth about you but you
That’s funny because you see the truth all around you,
All you could hope is that no one notices all the issues in your life
Everyone sees what’s going wrong in your life while you are putting on this big cheese smile,
Knowing that your whole world is on fire
And I don’t mean a little campfire fire, I mean a fire that could take out an entire country
A fire that could burns you from the inside out.
You can tell who have been fighting this fire within themselves
It’s worse when all the people involved end up acting like they know nothing
You just have to sit there and wonder what is going to happen next
This is that moment that you hear that shear pain all over again
You feel that fire that burned you
Sometimes you just got to think about how you got there
Did you ever think that someone is setting you up to fail?
That’s something I always thought about
Why, why would someone like myself think that way?
Well, let’s get real.
Everyone has an agenda, whether you were meant to be there or not.
That agenda changes more times than I do into an outfit to go out in
Which is upsetting because all I do is try on different sets of shirts to get told
“Just wear that, no one is going to care”
Sorry that I actually care about my appearance
Sorry that you wanted me to just choose one shirt
But I am not sorry for making myself look different
Because when I am out, I want to be a different person
That is my moment to meet someone new,
Every time I’ve gone out with my friends I made at least one new friend
So I am not sorry for trying on different sets of shirts to remind myself that I am meeting someone new
Someone that didn’t know I was going to change their agenda
But one thing I will always notice is that once you change someone’s agenda
Your agenda stays the same,
This one person I met at a bar
We chatted it up, I learned they lived in my same borough, they got me a couple of drinks
All I gave them was my Facebook profile…
Clearly I was making “a move” as my best friend told me
That’s the moment that I questioned where my agenda was taking me
My agenda wanted me to feel that shear pain again
But it raises the question of why does being nice have to look like flirting now?
How does that make sense?
So if I compliment your outfit, does that mean that I want you in my bed?
No...it means that I think your outfit is cute
I just can’t even comprehend that thought process of how we got to that point
My mother always told me to be nice to everyone
I guess that would make me a flirtatious person…
But guess what I am not that person
I’m the person that fights for what I believes in
Fights for the people closest to my heart
This is all about that shear pain that makes me think of a scratching on a chalkboard
That shear pain wasn’t created physically
It was all about the words that was said aloud to me

I feel the gloom come to me when I was alone in the parking lot.
It told me  that I didn't want to be. I knew that if I sat long enough I wouldn't know the difference between It and me.
Today was a good enough day.
Why can't I ever be good enough?