to kiss you senseless until i am a seaglass buried deep inside your skin. to lick salt off your palms with paper-cut lips, until each breath has gone haywire. to quietly sigh your name until it baptizes my heathen tongue. oh, the wars i would start; the wars i would end — darling, there is something soothing about all the violent ways i can love you.

How many more girls should die in my poems just so I don't become one of them? How many more girls should die by their hands each time I felt like dying by mine?

Nights now belong to January, and I have started losing count.

Stop asking me if I like you. I don’t know—I don’t think I ever will. And that’s fine with me. All I know is your reflection buried under the dust mites smudged on the mirror. I live in rented apartments with bugs scattered evenly around. You live in the articles that I never approved of. You live in silence hoping for someone to bring out the beast in you. You stay quietly around the corner. Observing every conversation. But you never initiate one. You never become the bear with claws. Rip their articles up. I see them still in my dresser drawer. Rip your teeth out. You still bite viciously through that fragment of paper.

The ale smell stained on my shirt. The bricked wall of my rented studio apartment. The state of dealing treachery. The ill-lit midnight lobby. The sun crayoning orange shadows over the ghastly, grotty bathroom. All for the mite chance of my words prancing on the article.

Who is the fool?
We are playing a game.
One of us is it.
Who is it?

I chase you in circles when,
I pin you underneath my thighs
Thrusting myself into self proclaimed
Victory.
But,
you escape.

And now, I am the hunted.
You sneak through open doors
Blinding any semblance
Of a vision
I had to be free.

Free of these games
Free of you

I walk away forfeiting
Only for you to remind me
Of the moments where
I almost
Had you.
And the game starts
Again.

You say the fool is me.
I say the fool is you.

I don’t know who is winning.
I do know
Be careful with a fool.

****, you feel good.
Your mouth on mine,
******* all my love
Off my lips.

I know better.
I know being with you takes my soul to dark places.
But, once you start,
I can’t stop.

Every forceful touch,
Every heavy breath,
I willingly
Ask You
....
Devour
Me.

But then what are we left with?

You left
Without saying anything,
So I assume
There must be a strong reason
to leave
Or perhaps
I couldn't see
the writing on the wall
because
There was no reason
to stay at all

On the New Year's Eve,
As the clock hits midnight
and marks the new beginning
- The show begins
In a flash,
the night sky
gets lit on fire,
Fiery flowers hissing and fizzing,
their crackle and boom
steal the silence,
and in the midst of this frenzy;
I begin to ponder
that with each passing year,
we are racing towards - our destiny,
so I look back
and question myself
to contemplate
the mistakes I made,
the promises I break,
the unrealistic goals - I set,
and in this moment
I know why many of us
(when entering into the new year)
misses the mark
just like the kids who were
shooting rockets - in the dark...

zealous
not jealous
make a zen
count to ten
will be in the
zone
no zip
no buts
all those
zzzs
and
zooms
let's turn them to
zephyrs of hope
zines of bravery
zero negativity
but trust the zodiac of love
for every year is
always us
yours
and mine

xo

this year was never
yours
it was all about
you
your choice
yourself
you yielding
towards any
yeses
yays
yums
yucks
but most importantly
this is all about
you
so just let's turn everything around
with new hellos
turn those yawns
to happy smiles
paint them yellow
let's yell
our young selves
with yearning

xo