I see them,
I see you all
but
unlike you,
they don’t smell like love
and they aren’t completely content
with such fire
where you and I,
both used to savor

-a.

there is some sort of vulgarity
to what sits in
with my fears and anxieties
an unwelcoming addition to my body
and I swear I could feel them the most
whenever I try to reconnect
what is and what isn't
yet I still see my demons all dressed
in a gloriously titled guise
sometimes
I can't quite tell apart

-a.

somewhere
between this darkness
still echoes and recognizes your soul
I can’t quite unfeel any of it
so I let my bones rest there
at the corners,
the ones
you always cleverly used to notice
how my unpretty flaws glow
right before you

-a.

I come back,
I come back to those nights,
those nights that reeked heavy full
of sweaty hearts and poetry,
sweaty hearts and longing hands that
spreads an absolute warmth
only one could recognize
yet I still keep coming back and wonder,
“Is there ever a night that came
and the moon reminds you
of my flawed soul?"

-a.

I know
I’ve seen enough,
I’ve felt enough
but sometimes,
I can never unlearned this ugly habit
of scratching myself out too wildly
and live with the irony of it all
that I’m just too good at weighing
these triggering parts
but never too good at unremembering
how and what made them all stay

-a.

sometimes,
I fear for my own becoming
other times,
I just simply enjoy
sitting before my demons
as I wear my skin slightly thicker
just being
under their lamps
full of all their ugly reckonings

-a.

listen to my skin
and you’ll notice
how only a fraction of the sky
behaves like a mirror
when I begin to spread
these flaws across the stars
for each time I feel furthest, I let them speak
so just pocket me in and listen,
then tell me,
which stars have we fallen into
that made you land right next to me?

-a.

notice how I rebelliously act
over certain matters
sometimes
my inner core refuses to listen
and this has been my wild take at life
so don’t tell me to act otherwise
for I can never rip my own skin
when all these odd eventualities
has stroked itself
so goddamned well and wholly

-a.

just be
nobody passes or fails at being a person
weaponize all that you are
with what makes your entirety
but always learn to choose and pick
your demons well
for this universe loves honesty
and every so often
you'll definitely realize how
they could come out pretty handy
when we need them to

-a.

you held my scars
and showed me the stars
that they are no different than mine
they still loom and glow on
even the coldest part of the night infinitely
and to this day, I can’t help but weave
every bit of me into the ones
you’ve mirrored to my skin
the ones you’ve delicately spoken to about love

-a.