She claimed to be dying,
I asked to join her.
'I die alone.'
She's just so tired.

I screamed 'together,
Or not at all!'
She collapsed at my feet.
I wish I could carry her.

Take her pain,
eat or bury it,
lift her above,
but I'm just too weak

I am insignificant.
I am unlovable.
I am the abomination that travels time
     in my mind,
never finding peace of this life.
Reality overwhelms and depletes me
for I am undeserving.
I am nothing.

I am the echo of a mother who had no
     affection,
the image of a grandmother sick and
     divinely twisted,
the mimic of my father and all of his
     masculinity
channeled into the pound of a fist.
I am the heart of this home- empty,
my void filled with self loathing.
Pain.
Suffering.

How do I accept this daily?
How do I find the motivation to use
     my tongue,
to speak out?
How do I climb above what is done to
     me?
I don't.

Happiness was never meant for me.
Love was never to be a piece of my
     future.
I am this,
the ghost that fades through life, touching no one,
hearing everything,
feeling it all.
And I weep.

I weep for what I never had,
but always imagined to be in my
     grasp.
I weep for the loss that is my life.
The suffering.
The abuse.
The constant, dismal dismission.
For that is all I’m worthy of,
this is all I was meant to be.
Nothing.

I am the ghost.

Grass sticks to the bottom of my feet.
My head tilts back,
capturing the kisses of rain
as droplets race down my throat.

The foggy glow seeping from the east
softly turns my world into a prism.
Colors dance as rain flashes,
the music of thunder humming to me.

Hands circle my waist as lighting
     strikes.
A whisper in my ear urging to come
     inside.
A tug on my wrist as I reach for the
     sky.
I never wanted to be safe and warm.

The Earth is my friend
but she's not my mother.
Together we heal and work to mend.

I don't recognize the features of these
  people,
the way they think and react,
their need to destroy to create.

I'm not above,
I'm simply seperate.
A marble among a puzzle.

I stare at the stars
and sincerely feel
I was never meant to be here.

The snakes sent by Satan,
Slither past our skin.
But you and I are special -
You and I are beyond sin.

The apple is forbidden,
But you and I have set our eyes,
On something that is much beyond
The realm of Paradise.

The Day I find you is peace

My heart will circulate with Joy

So much for sorrow and Chalice

That keeps me from being played like a Toy

I feel childish whenever you stare at me

your tall frame compliments mine as we both smile

I feel a sense of pride, your aura is a family

to the secret lily your rose made from a mile.

The ribs God broke out of me fits in you so well

and your hands never tire of letting me hold them .

If ever you need
an instant reminder
of your mortality;
cast your eyes
toward the night sky
and gaze upon
the endless stars.

"He left me
high & dry
fondling
just the
fizz of
us."
|| shoo.shu ||