I was completely in the dark.
I had heard your name before, grown up knowing you were always supposed to be there but I was starting to think Heaven was a lot further than they said
You weren't answering me, I thought I must be praying wrong, why can't You hear me.
I was completely alone.
no, I was surrounded by people but they were overpowered by the voices in my head that told me constantly I wasn't enough. I wasn't smart enough, I wasn't special enough, I wasn't talented enough. I wasn't strong enough.
but somehow, I was too much for some people, at least that's what they said. Too much overthinking, too much fear, too many trust issues. too much liability.
I was completely exhausted.
I was tired of trying to be perfect and the person I was expected to be because my Grandma was the Sunday school teacher and my dad was a deacon. Put on the happy face, raise your hands in worship, and say amen loud enough for the person next to you to hear it. The mornings I couldn't get out of bed because I had nothing left to give, I got the passive aggressive "miss you in church, its been so long" text with a bible verse that reminded me to repent of my sins or Id be kicked out of the gates of Heaven.
I was completely confused.
Why did they treat me that way if they're supposed to love me unconditionally. How can they worship you but hate your creation, hate their neighbor. They're using scripture to condemn people instead of Love people like you do, God, do something.
I was completely giving up.
I was at my lowest but I couldn't feel you there..
I was so close to leaving when you said come home.
It was the first time I had truly heard Your voice. I was shaken to my knees and all I could do was surrender at Your name. You picked me up, called me your own, took my weight and carried it on your back as you led me to the place I was meant to be. You told me leave my shame, it does no good anymore. You told me I was loved, even when I was full of guilt. You brought light to the truth in love and spirit. You taught me how to love the ones around me, and to love myself.
I was no longer completely in the dark, for all You brought was light.
I was no longer completely alone, You walked each step I did.
I was no longer completely exhausted, You said rest, child. do not be weary.
I was no longer completely confused, You brought answers.
I was no longer giving up,
I was only complete.