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Myrrdin Jun 2023
I knew I was good
I felt it when I looked down
Reveling in the work I'd done,
Yelling and proclaiming
So that you would know too
That I was good.
Oh, how small I was,
How small a thing to make you so angry.
I didn't know yet
How to make my joy quiet
For your bad days.
You would have loved it
If you'd have taken the time
To look at it.
To really look at it,
To look at me.
Would you have looked?
If I was good?
Steve Page Jan 2023
If pain was a friend instead of a burden
– if I could make peace with the unwelcome
– if perhaps I could see her as a teacher,

not in a lecture theatre (distant and with sharp echoes),
but in a private tutorial with soft furnishings
and perhaps a vase of flowers.

– If her lessons came with handouts,
exploring, with pictures, the reason for the searing,
the overwhelming

– but no,
my pain is that annoying parent on a pointless trek,
refusing to stay silent,
incessant in her insistence
that we can’t part ways.
a re-working of 'pain free'
S Smoothie Dec 2022
Sorry! Pocket dial!
It's been a crazy Christmas season!
Never a dull moment
and never without a drama.
Strength doesn't come by on its own,
it requires training i suppose.

Have a beautiful day today
where you can really smell the crisp air,
look at the garden and the trees
doing their best everyday come what may,

see the wonderous sky and notice
the potential for peace and joy
the way your father appreciated
the very important things in life
that we often miss...

We can learn so much and appreciate so much
when we are given the time to reflect on the past
and dream into our future.

The answer is yes.

It will be more than okay,
It will be better and you will be stronger, wiser and more loving than you dreamed,
The answer is yes
I hear you
Yes, the answer is yes
Sing a song in your heart,
sometimes you pick,
other times life wants its soundtrack.

What ever the case,
sing your troubles away,
sing your joys out loud
A song is a prayer
And a prayer is a conscious action to begin moving to a better place
In connection with the kosmos
Everything is with us all the time,
we cannot separate ourselves from any of it;
not what we see or don't even know about,

We  just move through it in different ways together. Even when we feel alone we are still all moving in it together,

always.

sometimes its as simple as  remembering to reach out with a prayer
and breathe in the answer

Losing a parent is no small thing no matter how you feel about it. Hugs and prayers
Vi Aug 2022
I'm afraid that if I die

People wont know things only I know

Like how N likes their carrots

Or how L loves her dad

Only I know this, like this

Of course others know some of this too, some of the time

But no one

Not one single person knows that you

You two

Are perfect

I mean this literally

I was gifted this knowledge when you were born

I know this viscerally, like this.

Or that you're beautiful in ways that make me hate words

In ways that render language hollow, meaningless, obscene

I am not being dramatic.

And also that you are good

By which I mean loveable

Like very and always

Fundamentally, inherently

This is not something you can ever change even though you'll probably try

And you might convince other people

Maybe even your dad, or your therapist, or your lover, or yourself

But you'll never convince me

I don't know why

I just know this

And I need you to know this too
This is not exactly a will. More like "I cant bear going without you knowing".
Survived May 2022
I have to make them proud
but I don't know where i doubt
They make sacrifices for me
but all I do is to let them down
I always endeavour not to hurt them
but it's me because of whom they cry.

Maybe I am cursed to make their life miserable
Maybe I am a loser who is destined to fail forever
Maybe I should stop giving them hope
Maybe I should move out from their lives

I'm hopeless, I'm empty, I'm broke, I am faithless, I'm vain, I'm a failure.

Just for once i wanted to hear them saying that they feel proud because of me but maybe I'm their doomed son and just like me my dreams will also be in vain...
Steve Page Apr 2022
I do not mind carrying you,
you carry the conversation while I breathe
and your breath warms my ear

I do not mind the angle at which I hold you
as I bathe you and listen to you sing
and your arms soap my cheeks

I do not mind the slow fall onto the bed
your light keeps us aware of the night
and your dreams bruise until you forget

I do not mind,
but I wait for a dawn alone.
I led a staff network of parents and carers for several years.  They are champions.
Persephone Mar 2022
I lost my faith in religion when I lost faith in my parents
If they couldn’t save me, what chance did god have?
M Tamura Mar 2022
I see you so often in my dreams,
working magic by being close it seems. It's hard to believe you've gone away, that I'll never get to see you, with my hair all grey. But I'll never have to decide for you which treatment you may need or have to put you in a home because your mind had seized. I always worried that someday I'd explain that I need to take away your keys, and that you'd look at me in pain. Those are the only positives I can muster with your loss, I can list those with a half smile because I'd feel uncomfortable being boss. Love for me in this world, went down dramatically when you left, for who loves unconditionally and who knows best? I can only weep and mourn you just like I had with mom and hope to god I'll see you both, in the ever after beyond. I am so very thankful, been lucky enough to have had such a loving and awesome dad.
Chris Bee Sep 2021
Because you sang to me when I could not sleep; because you held me when I needed it; because of the years of laughing and crying and other lovely and terrible emotions I see in the lines etched in your face; because you never once held me back, never once doubted me or my own path; because you never let all of the painful moments and mistakes I had pass without showing me what God wanted to teach me; because you accept my flaws, accept my needs, and push me to realize I am worthy of love and happiness; because you gave me the strong belief system that I rely on daily; because you showed me what a healthy family is, striking the dream of growing my own one day into my heart; & because you are my mom and dad; one I share your namesake, the other made me your spittin' image, and when I hear my name, or see my image in the mirror, I can't help but feel you close to me, and no matter the distance, I feel you holding me when I need it, and hear you singing to me when I cannot sleep.
Part 1 of 4 of four works I did for an emulation portfolio. This poem is an emulation of the style from Samuel Green’s “Some Reasons.”
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