I woke up with a headache
the morning greeted the pain like a friend
The hunger for relief was insatiable
However, instead of getting up for coffee and medicine
I stayed in bed and lingered under the sheets.

I don't know why
But as my thoughts began to reverberate
And echo, i forced myself to listen to the whispers
Materializing in the back of my head,
The silent sizzle of white noise
bled through every nook and cranny of my
Dilapidated bones and skull
And from it arose a call
A message I am well fond of:

It beckoned the future;
It crept in my bed like an old lover
And here it sang a lullaby that lulled me to sleep
Stroked my hair; it cradled my doubts
And bottle fed my insecurities,
It nurtured my over thinking mind
And in my dreams they blossomed
And manifested into nightmares.

There the weight on my shoulders
Got colder and more overbearing
Above me the clouds were made of concrete,
Falling ever so slowly.
I noticed the ball and chain
Around my ankles made me unable to move
However, as moments passed, i felt like i was
Or  everything around me was.
My world became a whirlpool
Looking out from the center of a hurricane
I watched as things go whizzing past me.

My heart started racing towards something
It tried to grasp on a reality in front of me and when reality
Would come to brush the tips of my fingers, it would vanish.
And I am realized of my stagnant state
As the wind began to leave
Carrying with it my aspiration and hoping
I feared  I can no longer move
And my chase would be futile;
I can no longer escape
I am forever trapped
Waiting for the clouds to crush me.

I was feeling the weight around my ankles
Daring myself to take the step.
Daring myself to live.
And when the urge finally came to grab hold of my senses

I woke up.

The future left without saying goodbye
But i know it would be back soon
Like a lover, unsatisfied
The sun had decided to take its leave
But my headache had not.
It sat still on my head ringing the distant tones
The lullabies sung,
The distant echoes of my now unforeseen future.

I laid the body wounded from war,
marking the pain of bleeding scar,
they drip no blood but crying word,
scream of whys is all can be heard.

This warrior fought without a gun,
the sword was laid on the ground.
Flew in the war without a shield,
embracing the fires of the field.

The warzone is silent and cold,
daylight is starting to fold,
omitted gore has no trace,
but agony and pain mantled the face.

Alone, the warrior stood with yielding feet,
the armored belligerent took their seat.
They watched this warrior drown with tears,
their laughter bit the bleeding ears.

The archenemies took off their casque,
these are faces of the warrior's past.
Hopelessly he fell on his knee,
looking at the grinning enemies.

Armored with the sharpest sword,
strengthen by their greatest lord.
They rumbled drums with deafening sound,
plotting the line of the warrior's bound.

The warrior faced the strongest foes,
murmur of vicious wind starts to blow.
No armor can block the slashing assaults,
as these are words comes like a lighting bolt.

Words stabs deeper than a pointed knife,
blotching doubt in warrior's life.
Painted the warzone with unwanted shade,
every glimpse of light starts to fade.

The warrior with no hope to win,
carried darkness with tattered skin.
You can't win against yourself,
they will reveal voices left in the shelf.

The warrior dwelled in the cold and dark cell,
fall of the tears in every hit of the bell.
Tired of the biting lullabies marching like a band.
The white flag was raised with trembling hand.

Dear diary,
I just can't explain the amount of thoughts that I have daily!,
that continuous mind charter that I have daily....!
I'm filled with thoughts, every minute, and every second of my life.

My mind just keeps switching from one thought to another,
& The amount of day dreaming....
well!!!
you know my silly screaming ??!!!

Sometimes, they are really funny!
And they keep making me smile,
so that I keep glowing!
But some thoughts...,,,
They are really too dark,
That ,when I confront them,
it breaks my heart apart!!

I'm like a confused soul,
who's in search of meaning of life...
Who's in search of peace ,
Who's in search of shine!
But the moment I start thinking,
ugh!!!My head starts cracking!!
I just can't concentrate on one particular thing !

Today, if I feel like being a doctor,
Tomorrow I might think of being an engineer,
& If today I feel like being an accountant,
Tomorrow I might feel like,
" I just need an Oscar...!"

An Oscar for what??
I don't know ...!!!
It's sounds too cool and looks good to show !

Will I work for that award?...
honestly, I don't know !
I'm so lazy,
I don't even get up to "shoo" a crow !

But hey!...there's one amazing part about me,
Guess what ?
"Anyone can come and speak to me."

Being an overthinker,
has also opened up my mind,
I don't form immediate opinions,
till I get a clear sight !


I really don't know this journey of thoughts well??!!!
Will it ever be stable ?
Will it ever end ?


But ...If it ends,
I'll die for sure,
But hey!,
I'm sure there is some way to cure!

Which way?
Hey !...I don't know again !
Is that way gonna be simple
or another amazing pain!

But hey hey hey!!! I don't know why did I write this ?!
Was I trying to find a solution
or was encouraging my thoughts already  in a continuous motion?!


But hey!,
it's ok if you're an overthinker,
Try to be amazing my friend,
even if nothing is clear!

am i important? just like the other people?
and then, i started questioning my worth
just like that tears escape again from my eyes
questions and thoughts like those filled my head
overthinking really got me spared

Round and round I go
Merrily dancing
in circles
To a tormented tune
nobody else can hear
Over and over obsessively, silently,
Invisibly turning, constantly
Dizzily spinning,
endlessly
Searching for the horizon,
A conclusion, a compromise,
to stop the ceaseless wheel.
But the train just goes faster and more passengers board.

shallow water,
the tide would go back in and out
i saw you, you were floating
while me, i just kept sinking down and down
no matter how hard i tried,
i couldn't get up.