Birthdays and gravity, the cause of it all
The older I get the more often I fall
Too old to have nice long hair
Too heavy in the middle to fly through the air

Birthdays and gravity, you are slowing me down
Old and heavy, I’m stuck to the ground
Too many candles and too much cake
Birthdays and gravity, that’s all it takes

tracing strings backwards
pinning moments on a board
only too become entangled
      by     a      feeling  
that   shouldn’t    need      remorse  

unravel the ties
to keep from fraying
weave     in    and    out
to  stop   each   cravings

knit my words into your brain
stitch your chords into my skin

intertwine to rewind time


reclaim  
respire  
consider  
desire


rinse. repeat.


live in denial
    or  
start   a    fire


reclaim  
respire  
consider  
desire


rinse. repeat.


strike the match
stoke the fire

burning bridges
(so i thought)
it doesn't matter
(an afterthought )


its getting late
it's time to think


              (for)   a   lot     more

                       laughter    (a  love   long  after)

-

Old woman,
you shuffle past the bus stop,
coat dragging like the years you’ve worn,
eyes clouded,
face soft like pages turned a thousand times
and almost forgotten.

You walk like you’ve been walking
your whole life,
through the noise,
through the quiet,
through the people who left
and the ones who never came.

And me?

I just sit here.
Watching.
Like a ghost who hasn’t even died yet.

Because I don’t think I’ll make it there.
To where you are.
To where your bones ache but
your breath still rises.
To where your silence means survival.

I don’t think I’ll ever grow old.
Not like you.
Not like anyone.

They say ”you’re young, you’ve got time,”
but time feels like a hallway I can’t find the end of.
Like a clock with no hands,
ticking in a room no one else hears.

My days are…
blurry.

Tight in the chest.
Heavy in the head.
Like I’m dragging a life behind me
that I never asked for.
Like I’m underwater
but smiling at everyone above the surface
so they won’t ask
if I’m drowning.

Old woman,
how did you do it?
How did you live long enough
to forget some of the pain?
To bury people,
and still get up to buy bread
and feed birds
and water plants that will outlive you?

I can’t even imagine next week.
Let alone
next decade.
Let alone
wrinkles and soft sweaters
and stories that begin with
”When I was your age..”

I’m scared that I won’t get that far.
And part of me doesn’t care.

Is that awful?

Some days I hope I disappear quietly.
Without the drama.
Without the note.
Just.. a light going out
that no one noticed was flickering.

But you,
you’re still here.
And I don’t know if that’s strength
or just what happens
when you forget how to quit.

Old woman,
you’re not my grandmother.
You’re not anyone I know.
But watching you
makes me ache
for a future I don’t believe belongs to me.

I don’t want pity.
I don’t want advice.
I want to feel something that tells me
I might still be becoming
instead of slowly unraveling.

So I sit here.
And I watch you.
And for a moment,
just a moment
I imagine
that maybe
somehow
I’ll last long enough
to forget how much this hurts.

That maybe one day,
someone will watch me,
and wonder how I made it.

-Anvita Dharma

The fabrics of time are like a silky material.
Once it's gone, it's gone.
It slips through my hands and falls so effortlessly on the floor.
It plops down
Restless.
I try and try and ache and ache to pick it up.
Just to feel its soft warmth on my skin again but too late.
It has fallen, it is still falling.
I tilt my head back and see it is falling deeper and deeper.
It is getting later and later.
When will it ever stop escaping my grasp?
When does time ever stop falling?
It slips from grasp just out of my reach.
Just a bit too late.
When will it ever harden?
When will time freeze and when will it be in my grasp again?
I can feel the heat rising.
The tension is boiling.
The silk is almost at my finger tips.
Once again I feel its warmth enlighten my hand.
It sits in my palm ever so elegantly,
Just waiting to fall.
Waiting to be lost.

Old men sit
in plastic pink lawn chairs,
smoking cigarettes
halfway down our street.

Counting the cop cars that drive by,
One. Two. Three.

They laugh
with heads thrown back
and missing teeth

at little boys who
roll and play in shopping carts,
crashing-
One, Two, Three!

Little boys lay
in the space between
grey gravel road
and thirsty green grasses.

They laugh
with heads thrown back
and tiny white teeth.

Down the hall
Back and to the right
Past a broken neon sign
Through an unlocked door
Then down four flights
A hole in the wall
In a room on the left
Follow it down
Through dirt and rock
After more than a while
You'll see a faint light
A oil lamp hanging
Kept by those who travel
So bring some won't you
The oil that is
Not much further past
You'll  find what you seek
The city beneath the city
The world and the way
That we abandoned long ago
The past they made us forget
And the future that might still be

Ohhh she was desperate to meet her
To run her fingers through her silvered hair
And cherish the memories and wrinkles scatter around her eyes
How she would ask a hundred question
Like if her dreams were meant
Not just a fews kids and a husband
But was the book written and cherished
Did she move next to the ocean and become its best friend
Was she able to voice the words that were kept so deep within her lips
Did she jump and sing at every opportunity
Did she learn sign language and attend those stain glass classes
She would love to sit next to her and memorize the clothes she wore
The way she lifted her chin a little higher
Steady in her being
She couldnt wait to sit next to this her
Sit next to her peace
And just a little awe

we encourage them
to carry on
as though the party
isn't over and everyone
that matters hasn't
already gone