you're in my system
leaving your mark
on all my innards
and body parts

I'm hoping that with
this drink to my lips
I can drown & purge
the throne on which you sit

what a time to be alive

you see me licking my wounds
& I see you creating new ones

what incredible timing

drunk on company, on beer
and the "holiday cheer"

but that's not what it sounds like

we all got pretty ******,
it's a surprise I didn't *****

the room kept spinning

it was the holidays, though
and there was certainly cheer

my ears were ringing

oddly enough though, I
accepted it as a blessing

I can't fight against time

time is beautiful in the way it indiscriminately destroys

I'm not one to resist beauty

it's so chaotic and it makes
absolutely no sense at all

but it takes you places

I couldn't find the sea and
beauty led me there

even though life is loss

you get used to it and those
terrible beautiful things

can fill the cracks in your being
if you let them seep through you

you feel disgusted with yourself
but in the eyes of the concrete
you are viewed as wholly reborn
there is an uncomfortable beauty
in every shape of the pain you feel
and it's all you've known, you see
barbed-wire for that safety net
a heavy head filled near the brim

but a soul exists within that form
separate of the tormented skin
the scratching & clawing within
there is an eternal essence of all
being, there is flawed divinity in you
one must stop and really breathe it

you've survived your mind, brother
of mine, and that alone is no small
feat, there's fear all around and it's
always drawing near, but you can
continue onward, you can still live.
at the end of it all, when you return
to the universe, you can at least
have with you in those final moments,
complete unity and understanding.
you can view the grand precipice of
your being with full awareness,
and that is yours. you take that with
you as you cross over, into eternity

you bound me in despair
to your will and body bare

I decided that's all that
happiness was

the choir is singing hallelujah, now.
my best isn't much but there's sweat on my brow. everything went wrong, everything goes wrong.

I'm in an irrational routine with these things. I write and sing and drive and act out of turn.
but there's something right about now

I like the sleepless nights
I feel free and alive
It's sweeter than bright
brighter than sweet

I feel I have a purpose
I feel in control of those
Opposing forces
the one guiding the wheel
the one gripping the pen,
covered in ink and dirt

I embrace it with whatever
parts of me I can muster

I become a different person

but this nirvana will end soon
there are other people I am
required to be at times, and
that time is now upon me

it all could be so easy and
I think it's becoming easier

such I fool, I am
it's hard to think about at times

I pulled into the parking lot
found the idea of you and
sped off like the fool I swore
to never be

you do this to me,
time and time again

but I think if I let myself
realize it, I'd realize I
missed you more than I
thought I never needed
you, dear. have mercy.
find compassion. release me.