I saw a photograph in a room, the same place where we were supposed to lay down before. It is still fresh in my memory, and I can't help but smile whenever I remember it.

You were a person who avoided taking photos, and to get a shot, I needed to make my whole effort by saying how cute you are.

One night while we were staring at the sky, you took our photos, and I felt how happy you were. The smiles on your sweet face are genuine, and then you whispered, "I love you."

You asked me for a photograph, not knowing that it would be the last thing that I would hold whenever I missed you. I felt the pain of losing you. How am I going to face the world without you?

I won't see you forever in my eyes, and I will only reminisce about our memories together by that photograph. A lifetime where I could no longer touch you nor hear your voice.

My love, your genuineness is reflected by that photograph. If the world can't keep you, then I will keep you in my photograph. The love we shared has a special place in my heart. Until we meet again, my child.

Insecurities cloud my mind,
A mother's heart, so intertwined.
Changes sweep, both body and soul,
Yet love for my child, makes me whole.

Though pain may pierce, my spirit's strong,
A mother's love, forever long.
Through tears and fears, I'll persevere,
A beacon of hope, dispelling fear.

So understand, my weary heart,
A mother's love, a work of art.
With every step, I strive to mend,
A mother's love, till the very end.

In a world that sings with bright colors,
I dream for you, my son, in light.
With every hue, each gentle gleam,
I weave for you my hopeful dream.

May you find peace in who you are,
A brilliant, unique, shining star.
With laughter that breaks through the night,
And eyes that see with special sight.

I hope your heart knows boundless love,
A gift from earth and skies above.
With every word and every touch,
I wish you joy, so deep and much.

May you discover your own way,
With courage to embrace each day.
In a world that might not understand,
May you find strength to boldly stand.

I dream of friends who see your soul,
Who help to make your spirit whole.
With kindness, patience, and belief,
To share your joy and ease your grief.

May your mind dance with endless wonder,
Explore the world, above and under.
With questions sharp and answers vast,
Embrace the future, learn from the past.

I dream you'll find your voice, so true,
To sing the song that's only you.
A melody that's sweet and strong,
A place where you know you belong.

In every smile, in every tear,
I hold your dreams, I hold them near.
For you, my son, are bright and free,
A wondrous part of all that’s me.

So here’s my hope, my whispered prayer,
That life will treat you kind and fair.
With dreams that soar on wings of light,
I wish you love, pure and bright.

What would it be like to lay on your chest
and cry about my dying dad?

I wonder sometimes, if I'm being dramatic
But, no.
It's not dramatic, as it is right now, he is dying.
The chemo is killing the tumor and it's killing him in equal measure.

My mother held me today
In the crook of her neck I rested my head
Her arms wrapped perfectly around my back
And I listened to her heartbeat
The heartbeat that my whole body knows
I rested against her secure, warm body
With my own arms curled into my own chest
I cried little sobs
That she soothed and cooed

Is this what it takes for me to rest against
My mother's chest? (the judgement of my vulnerability asks me in its relentless way)
My father's decline and weakness?
No, not just this (I respond in patience)
This and many other things.

I want to be a good mother one day
a wonderful mother
I want to be a secure partner
Someone who is not anxious and avoidant
And fearful
Maybe this is all allowing me to heal that (the part of me that wants to make sense of this suffering suggests)

I left the house
Then I thought that I should go back inside and hug my dad
Who is still alive
So I did
And a tear slipped as I told him to take it easy

Then my mother saw my crying face
And burst to her feet
I'm sure she thought he was dead and I was coming to tell her
He is that fragile (with this phrase I wonder who do I need to convince that he is as unwell as he is? Myself of course, the part from the beginning of the poem where I wonder if I am being dramatic)
But I told her he was okay and I was not
And she told me to sit beside her
1 month ago, two months ago, 5 years ago, 10 years ago, 15 years ago,
I would have never ever sat so close to her, rested against her chest,
Listened with such open ears to her heartbeat,
Let myself admit how soothing it is,
How it is her special heartbeat,
Her firm, warm arms
Her voice
That can soothe me only in that way
And that this is okay
That this is natural and I am beyond lucky to have such a mother
So, in pure, lovely vulnerability
I let her hold me and she did not let go until I pulled away,
And I did not pull away for a good long while

Healing occurred in her arms.
The healing of a small, scared child who was still waiting in my chest to be held in this way.

When did I last lay against someone and cry?
Allow myself to be held?
Allow them to feel the hitch of my shoulders?
And relax without that stiff little guard keeping my heart in the box?

Probably in college with a close friend, but I don't remember.

So, in my reality,
This is the first time.
A new life began for me today.
A new agreement to be held safe when I feel scared and sad
A new agreement to be soothed
And to feel safe
To be regulated
To recover
To rest assured
Rather than rest in anxious suspense or  in distracted quiet as I do other times.

Yes in this new timeline,
I know what it is like to rest against
A chest and cry
Not just any chest, I chide and remind,
My mother's chest
Wow, how soft am I becoming?
That I can enjoy this special medicine?
What other medicine's that life has to offer will I
Enjoy soon?
In what other ways can I become soft and open?
Open to receive and allow.

mother, i hope you understand that i have my own path to take. i can hear your voice reaching through the halls of my mind, pushing me to follow in your path and be the one to carry the flame of your unfulfilled dreams. but, dear mother, i beg you to realize that my desire is entirely unique to me; they are a symphony of hushed voices that sing to the pulse of my existence.

i want to chase the palette of my grail. i seek to paint the world with the vibrant hues of my imagination and draw a future that reflects the depth of my soul and the beauty of my own dreams. your ambitions have cast a shadow over mine, and the manner in which our tales collide has suffocated the burning spark that dwells within me. i have an intense thirst to be able to look at the world through my own prism and to walk along the road of my heart's desire without the shadows cast by yours. i am begging you to listen to my words because they are burdened with the weight of a soul that longs to be set free.

mother, allow me the ability to roam; i want to experience the thrill of venturing into the unknown and determining my own path. i beg you to release me from the chains of expectations, for my soul craves the ease to move with no boundaries within the boundless horizon of possibility. give me room to breathe and a chance to uncover the layers of my own existence without the burden of your hopes and ambitions. let me have the freedom to find my way through the labyrinth of being alive, to trip, fall, and get back up on my own pace. please spare me the unrelenting storm of judgment and control that washes the color out of my entire existence.

how can i be open in front of others when i feel like i can't breathe because of your suffocating grip? i can't let out the complex web of emotions i've been feeling because you're always holding me back. how can i let others in, if i can't even let myself be vulnerable around you?

i am sick and tired of living in the shadow of your expectations;

i am begging you my whole life to please at least—
at least, let me create my own story and be the writer of it.

or perhaps your dreams would be the death of me.

Your cooking and your beautiful heart
is not the only thing which keeps us all alive.

Throughout the years you have been through pain
and faced obstacles bringing you restless nights.

You were the one that kept the light in your children's eyes vibrant and bright.

Your heart blossoms with love and spread beneficial energy to those around you.

Nothing is complete or worthwhile without a mother's touch.

Il tuo amore guarisce

Happy birthday in this life time and many more for future times ahead!

Eyes open into newness
And find a smile
Dimpled giddy
With the happiness
That took only one look to awaken
And one little life to nurture.
Nine months worth of waiting
Melt into a promise of forever.
My love for you is an endless
Beautiful thing.
Bigger than the both of us
Loud and bellowing.
But I whisper it
because I want to let you sleep.

I live in this world full of love
With the gift of my mother sent from above,
You take care of me even when you're tired
For the nights that I cried.

I am glad to be your child
There's no secrets to hide,
You are my first teacher at home
I never felt that I'm alone.

I learned to do what's right instead of wrong
You never give up on me no matter how long,
Raising me up was never easy
You showered your love unconditionally.

Thank you for supporting me
In everything that makes me happy,
I will study hard to make you proud
And continually live with a faith in God.

You have all of my respect
Even though I'm not perfect,
A mother's love will never be replaced
In every challenge that her children will faced.

She is the incarnation of true love
The love that is enigmatic!
She is every beats of my heart
The heart which is abundant with her love
She is the soul to my body
The body which she prudent with her love and care
She is the mentor of my life
The life where she immersed me with euphoria
She is the light of my darkness
The light of hope and encouragement
Her qualities are beyond the horizon
She loves me to the eternity, so do I

I will love her every bit,
But it saddens me that even if I give all my  love to her it will always be a shortcoming.
Because her love for me is enigmatic !!

But  still "oh dear mother I love thee!!"