I’ll kiss whoever I’m with tonight
to take you off of my mind.
It’s not the first time
that I’m fighting to keep you out,
but I don't wanna close my eyes.
In the dark you’re all that I see.
He’s laying in my bed but I'm staring at the ceiling, reminiscing you.

I’ll make out with three strangers tonight.
None of them will make it back to my room
but if they did it still wouldn’t matter,
I just don't wanna be alone at times.
Need to feel someone else on me,
so I can stop feeling you,
so I can forget you.

Cause I’d run to you
even if you were just a mirage.
And I’d follow you,
Through a desert.
Through a blizzard.
Through the eye of a hurricane.
I’d run to you!

and it’s been six months,
we still haven't talked.
I don't know anything!
I miss being your everything.
Tonight I’m all alone,
no one touching me, I’m on my own.
I tried the hook-up thing but couldn’t keep pretending.
When I look in their eyes I just see yours, blue and green.
Where did you go?
Why’d you stop loving me?

It doesn’t matter
If I never get an answer.
If you hit me up one day
I’ll still remember your voice,
but I’ll also remember
how pathetic you made me feel.
Alone even when we were together,
looking back is bittersweet.
Fond memories and love,
welled up fears and disappointment.
I’ll always remember you, love.
But I won’t go running back,
even if I want to,
I won’t go running back.

but I hope that you do
I hope you’d run back to me too.

The once sunny days
are replaced with the rainy
as wet as tears on my face

your infectious laugh
fills my ears
so desperately
until I can’t hear nothing more
than a faded memory

and the pictures on my phone
have been looked at
more than the work on my desk

your texts
aren’t as memorable
as the seconds of happiness
i squeezed out of us
like a sponge

and the time we spend
isn’t as fun
when we’re six feet apart

on rainy days
i like to pretend
that i am sinking into the water
so i can drown in something
other than my thoughts.

we met at the crossroads,
our hands intertwined
but i went left and you went right,
we lost track of the time.

so now a few years later,
with lives so far apart,
you are living happy,
and i’m still at the start

is it selfish of me to wish you ill
so we can be in the same place, again?
because at those crossroads
i lost myself in the end

With a thunderstorm at your finger tips
You've peeled the side of my neck with your lips
I've never felt anything like this sin before
I could feel the electricity run through my body
As I realized I needed you..
Like my blood cells need my veins.
Our throats always swollen from fear of yelling more, so we whispered lies as they burned the back of our tongues.
Hoping to heal our decapitated hearts. Pounded by the butcher of love
We were nothing if not completely raw those days.
Now we wish for someone to hold us under the sheets while some ****** movie plays but we can't help being ***** little ****** and tasting everyone the world has to offer, and yet...
I still can help but wish for sleepless nights by your side.

So I'll be doping myself again with pointless regrets, off of worthless memories that mean little more than the hateful meaning I give them.
Now I'm just hanging.... bleeding.
From the barbed wires of life.

Watching

Waiting

Hoping.....

The only consistent thing about you is that you will always leave.
And I will always be the one who’s left hurt.
It would be a lie to say I haven’t missed you
After all this time apart.
Again, now I’m left.
Missing the pieces of myself that I built back together after you ripped my heart from my chest;
All because I thought missing you was worth the sacrifice.
It wasn’t.
It never will be.
Because you will always leave.
You will always hurt me.

i miss you
i miss your voice
i miss your laugh
i miss your presence

but i don't miss you in that way
i don't miss you romantically
i miss you as a person
i miss having you in my life

every year i spend the week leading up until today thinking 
thinking about this day 
it finally comes
each year it starts to feel a bit easier
until i hear laughter and warmth of innocent people singing happy birthday
restaurants are bait for birthday parties 
while everyone else smiles, i hold back tears
i can’t hold it against them 
i know you would want me to smile too
but still it’s hard 

i miss you every day of every week of every month of every year
that never changes 
the emptiness never changes 

but every year, i know you are wishing me the best from above
 every year i know you are proud of me and how far i’ve come
every year i get a little stronger 

every year on march 1st i mourn a best friend 
every year i mourn a beautiful person
every year i mourn my sunshine 
but every year gets a little brighter 

breathe easy
year i miss you more
every year i realize that things may not be the same but things are okay

a.a.