I saw a heart with a scar
The scar was white
I saw a heart stop
The heat from the lights slicked the gloves to my skin
I saw an old man reconfigure a body
While making jokes about women’s bodies
The knowing glances passed between women behind backs, over masks
These old farts think they have this world under wrap
This dinosaur may come to find
His time is up
His time is past
I am the meteor 
Lighting up the summer night
You may depart with a bang or a whimper
The boys club is gone
Cigars are out of fashion
There’s only so far your generation’s hearts can last and when at last with scars, they stop
Then I joke in the OR about silly men, while I fix your broken heart

it's been years now
but it's because of you
that i don't think i'll ever
look at potential partners
the same way
again

i remember
the breeze on my skin
and the texture of the blanket
i remember
letting you in
because i couldn’t say no
i remember
feeling disgusted
and asking myself what i was thinking
i remember
finding out the word for it
a word i had already known
a word i didn’t know i could apply to this
i remember
writing my first words about this
scared to share my pain
i remember
the first time i lifted my head
and said “me too”
i remember
the first time i told someone
scared that they’d think less of me
and now
i am beginning to come to terms
with what happened to me
and soon
i will remember
all of this
and i won’t panic or shut down

I woke up like this.
Face caked in sadness,
eyes swollen of pity and anger.

I woke up like this.
Heart slowly starting up,
veins warming up.

I woke up like this.
Arms bent out of shape,
legs spread out for -

I woke up like this.
Head spinning,
body sinning.

Did I sin?
Or did you?

Did the girth of my thighs and the way they
Run this earth shaking, quaking, leaving
Fireprints on their paths behind,
Scare your flammable, charred-bark colored eyes
Did my five feet and ten inches fingers toes
Two filled lungs feeding heart and brain
Tower over your equal height and
Half sized mind, was the thought of a
Home between my legs really too much to
Believe is that why you felt the need to
Break and enter when the door was locked
Windows bolted and shut, the word
“No”
Out of my mouth and out of my gut
Do you kiss your mother with the same mouth
That burned holes in my back
Do you shake your father’s hand with the same hand
That tried to rip me in half

I am still here still tall and still strong
Still flying beyond the foulness of
Your being still seeing beauty
Gracing this earth and this skin
I am in, ivory and speckled and
Tenderly taught, thick to the core
I am so much more
I am
Too woman for you

Your Story

What trauma do you hide,
behind that fine smile of yours,
see with trauma mine isn’t necessarily mine,
and yours isn’t necessarily yours,

there’s no need to hide,
we’re all on the same boat,
see there can be an infinite amount of meaning,
for the same quote,

so what traumaa so you hide,
and which do you not,
an understatement would be to say,
that we’ve had a lot,
because we’ve had it all,
at the top of the top,
and still they keep bringing us more,
another top off another bottle brought,

it just doesn’t stop,

and in order to finish something,
first you have to start,
need to let go of who we were,
to be who we are,

so tell me your story,
how did you find yourself here,
please express to me everything,
please express to me without fear,
because the only way to get through the fog,
is to be absolutely clear,
so tell me your version of your self in 1st person,
and please remember to be absolutely clear,

communicate,
openly,
and that should restore the Love we hope for,
at least hopefully,

open please,
reveal so we can heal,
don’t let those wounds fester,
let them be revealed,

let the sun shine in,
bleach the bones from your closet,
I am open to anything you have to say,
as long as it is honest,

so tell me,
what traumas do you hide?

∆ LaLux ∆