My breath seems like
coming to a stand-still
while it is stitching hatred
to my worn-out lungs.
In some mysterious ways
asking to stop ******* in air,
while I still pursue to live.

My grit decomposing and
breaking-up into tiny pieces of
horrendous curses I want to
cast upon people,
reeking of self-doubt
and deteriorating courage;
determined to cut my own wings
while I sew them back
with a needle of my diminished valor.

The claws of spiteful death
contracting over my  burdened shoulders
and trying to separate
my already-extinguished soul
from my dispassionate body
while I try to set poor memories on fire
to stay warm and in this world.

The dust around my hands
reminding me of endless tortures
for stretching too far
for the undeserving ones
that each cell, each tissue,
the fiber, the skin
burnt in agony and finally turning into ashes
while I still touch memoirs of recollecting past
to feel those hands.

With Life turning my divine light
into pitch dark clouds
raining melancholy and doomed fate
while I am still trying to find my shining star
to create rainbows of faith and
thrive alongside Nature.

In the stillness of my calm, continuous efforts
I fought something I never knew
existed.
A monster devouring my senses,
crushing the freshness of Life and
royally residing inside my head.

I grew a new seed of belief and hope.
Everyday!
The belief of being bigger than this monster,
The seed filling the vastness of the void
with each blooming leaves and flowers
to water my own growth.

It took me long enough
to light the lamps of confidence
and taking back the reins in my hands
instead of being controlled and
that is how I empowered myself.

Schizophrenia pulled a blitzkrieg on my mind
My mind was losing the war
Until I pulled a kamikaze.

To fall for you,
Not your looks,
Your personality.
You to make me smile,
Uncontrollably smile,
Even when I don't want to.
To not feel alone,
Even when I am,
Just to know that,
You are there.
To be happy,
With you,
Because of you.
Us,
But what is us,
Because us hasn't happened.
To deserve you,
No matter what happens,
I'm not deserving of you,
I'm not deserving of happiness.
You.

So many acquaintances on social media,
But no friends in reality.
All alone in this world.

I check my phone to see zero messages,
No one checking up on me,
No one wishing me "Merry Christmas."
Everyone enjoying in their own world, be it with blood or be it friends.

Loneliness is the only thing that I'm surrounded with.

I'm all alone.

All alone in this world.

Always forlorn.

No one knows me; no one cares about me.

I'm just a lonely person with a phone in hand crying over pointless things.

I was not designed to be an object,
And yet a man I once loved
Tried to claim me as such,
Like my body was his
And nothing more than a carbon mass
Whose blood did not run red in my veins.
I am more than the nickname on his tongue
And the doll for *** he made me,
Not a toy to be ripped apart
Into plastic pieces,
Until all I owned was my name.
My body and mind were not free real estate
For him to occupy rent free.
I am not a parking lot for the dumpster fire
Of his problems.
I exist in this world to own myself above all else.
This girl is not an object.
I did not deserve to have my body taken from me.