We could have had a world with tender hands,
A place where love and trust could stand.
Your laughter lived inside my chest,
Your voice—the song that I loved best.

But tides have turned, and we must part,
Unravel bonds that tied the heart.
To strangers now, we must return,
Though every fiber aches and burns.

Your shadow lingers in my days,
A haunting glow, a quiet blaze.
Yet strangers again we must learn to be,
Though love still whispers endlessly.

Your name—a ghost upon my tongue,
A song unsung, forever young.

The pieces of you, etched in my soul,
Remain, though I must let you go.
A cruel design—to love, then sever,
To fade to strangers, but remember forever.

Will echoes call you in the night,
To places bathed in softer light?
Where love was found, where hearts were bare,
Will you still feel me lingering there?

For love, it doesn’t simply die;
It folds itself—a breath, a sigh—
And hides in corners of the mind,
A treasure lost, but still confined.

I hoped we’d never walk this lane,
To sever ties and bear this pain.
For soulmates shouldn’t face this end,
A love so rare should never bend.
But you have chosen another path,
And left me broken in your aftermath.

I hope she gives you all you need,
A love that sets your spirit free.
But selfishly, I still believe,
It’s me who holds the key to “we.”

No matter how hard I try, I can’t let go
I wish it were me you’d choose to know.
I want your joy, I want your peace,
Yet I ache to be the one who brings you ease.

So though we’ll walk as strangers now,
And wear this fate we disavow,
Know this: no time, no fate, no fear
Can make the love I have for you disappear.

Tragically, the path we were on has reached its end,
And now will leave us strangers once again.

I’ll take a step back, I’ll say goodbye.
I’ll put on a smile, even though all I want to do is cry.

I want you to be happy, no matter what that means.
I prioritize your happiness and well-being over my own, it seems.

But that’s what love is: being selflessly devoted.
I’ll gladly continue to sink as long as you’re the one who has floated.

After everything you’ve endured, you don’t need any more stress.
So, I can walk away—I just need to get this off my chest.

You are the most incredible person I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting.
That’s why I don’t give a **** that my heart is the one taking the beating.

If she is the one, your person, your soulmate,
Why was she in your life for so long before she realized? In my opinion, she’s too late.

Yeah, maybe that’s selfish thinking, to bring up our instantaneous connection.
But you’ve known her for how long, and she’s just now mentioning how she’s always craved your attention?

Maybe I’m bold, maybe I’m just insane.
But from day one of meeting you, there’s no way I could have kept that a secret; you truly consume my entire brain.

If I were her, I would’ve blurted out that I loved you from the moment we met.
So why, after all this time, does she want you to know? It’s like she doesn’t want you to forget.

I don’t know her; I won’t villainize her.
I’m sure she’s a lovely girl. But, sorry-not-sorry, she won’t give you the world.

Like I will, if you’ll let me. It just honestly doesn’t make sense.
How could she let you live life alone when you’ve been begging to be seen?

I see you, John. I’ve seen you since the moment we met.
I don’t want to give up on us—not ever, not just yet.

You’re telling me she could have had you this entire time,
Yet just recently she let you know that you’ve “always been on her mind.”

I’m not calling her a liar—it’s not hard to see why that could be the case.
But I’m just worried she is playing a silly game of chase.

Whereas I am playing the long game; I’m not going anywhere.
I want your love, your heart—****, I want your last name.

Maybe I’m the one who is delusional, or ridiculous, or crazy.
Honestly, I can’t help it; ever since I’ve met you, everything in my life has been a little hazy.

The only real clarity I’ve been able to see is you.
While everything else is dark and hopeless, the only thing keeping me going is how my feelings are true.

I’ve never felt this way, John. There are no words to describe how I feel.
Saying “I love you” doesn’t come close to expressing how this has to be the real deal.

The love poets write about, the kind people die for.
I swear to God, these feelings shake me down to my core.

I BURN for you, in every ******* imaginable way.
You are always in my head and heart, every second of every day.

I want you to know you are so loved, whether it’s me you pick or not.
I’m constantly trying to figure out if I should give up or continue shooting my shot.

You see, I don’t want to make this harder on you; you don’t deserve to feel torn.
I just want to fight for this, fight for you, fight for us—because the love I feel we’d have is all I’ve ever wanted since I was born.

My body literally shakes just thinking about you.
My emotions are so strong, I genuinely don’t know what else to do.

This is something special, something truly unique.
A love I know you and I have always tried to seek.

We could have the world’s sweetest love story, two people completely obsessed with each other.
But to get there, we both have to endure this current purgatory.

I know you don’t want to hurt anyone, and if I have to I’ll take one for the team.
Because, truly, I’d rather be the one to die than have any more shots taken to your self-esteem.

You are beautiful and wonderful—what the world needs more of.
I have no problem expressing that you’re the one that I love.

If she feels this way too, then I won’t be able to assist.
But honestly, I can’t see that happening—how did she not know she loved you from the moment she realized you exist?

Because that’s what happened to me. And yeah, I wear my heart on my sleeve.
Maybe that’s my problem, but I don’t care; I actually believe.

I believe in us and what we could become.
I believe we could be the greatest love story—a love so strong we’d both forget what it ever felt like to be numb.

I want that for you, more so than for me.
I want you to feel true happiness and love—I want your soul to be set free.

Free from the pain, from the demons you keep.
I just want to be the person you wake up next to and the one you’re with when you fall asleep.

I don’t want to make this harder on you; I just want to express how I feel.
Because I know she’ll do the same, but I hope you can tell which one is more real.

I don’t know about you, but I want someone who is sure they love me—that I’m their home.
I don’t want someone who, after years, finally decides they want to be with me because it’s better than being alone.

If, after all this, I’m still not the one you choose,
Please don’t worry about me. Even though, I’m sensitive and easily bruised.

But don’t let your heart be heavy. Don’t worry about me at all.
Because, although I hope I’m your person (and honestly, I feel I am), this story—our story—will always be my favorite to recall.

I love you. I adore you. I’m yours, if you’ll have me.
We could have the world’s sweetest love story—that’s a promise I can guarantee.

It’s easier to be mad at you than it is to admit that I miss you.
It’s easier to pretend to hate you than it is to admit that I love you.

I don’t think you’ll leave my mind any time soon.
Genuinely, You are the stars to my moon.
Honestly, I hope you never will; I hope it just gets easier on my heart.
I patiently wait to hear from you still, which honestly sounds really stupid—I swear to God, I’m actually pretty smart.

It may not seem that way because you’ve turned my world upside down.
I promise I don’t typically walk around with a constant frown.

I’m fine, really. I’m just trying to heal.
Most of the time, my brain tries to convince me that you’re not even real.

You see, my brain does this thing where it makes me forget.
You’d think that would be helpful during hard times like this.

And although it can be helpful, it also really hurts.
Because I don’t want to forget you,
Remembering that you exist keeps me from living in the dirt.

Okay, that may be dramatic, but I can’t really help it.
I’ve always had emotions too strong to control, but I’m trying my best to deal with it.

They say it’s a superpower, and I swear I’m trying to believe them.
Because honestly, it mostly feels like a curse, not a hidden gem.

My emotions have always controlled me, so I’m trying my best to learn to control them.
I figure it’s the best way to solve most of my problems.

You see, I am emotional, loving, and kind.
But most people don’t know that because I don’t let them into my mind.

But you? You’re stuck there. Like I said, you live rent-free. But I need to try to move on because I also understand that I need to let you be.

We both have demons that we’re fighting with every day.
Although I wish I could be there to help you fight yours,
I don’t want to stand in your way.

In the way of happiness,
The way of a future with her.
You see, I’d rather you be happy, even if it’s not with me—
Even though you are my clarity while everything else is a blur.

You see, that coping mechanism that I mentioned,
The one about subconsciously forgetting?
Yeah, well no matter how hard I’ve tried to fix it, I can’t; which is extremely frustrating and upsetting. Honestly, mostly I just find it so ******* confusing. I don’t ever have control over it, but I guess my feelings for you are the reason it’s diffusing.

When it comes to you, it’s hard to forget anything you said. When you spoke, it’s like my brain was writing down notes by carving them into my head.

Like, I remember your middle name and that you were born in March.
I even remember the color of your eyes and the way your smile has a slight arch.
You see, you mostly sent me pictures of your smirk, and I think I know why.
You’re busy fighting your demons so much,
Trying your best to forget, even if that means getting high.

So, you can’t genuinely smile much because you’re in so much pain.
I can relate and it makes my heart hurt,
And I wish I could help take it all away.

I could write for hours about you, but I should let my brain rest.
As I mentioned, you’re living rent-free in my head,
And I need to get some energy for tomorrow.
You see, every day I’ve really been failing the “I don’t miss you” test.

Your heart is so loving, so beautiful, so kind.
There’s not a single day now that goes by
That you’re not on my mind.

You’ve touched me in ways I’ve never been touched before.
You’ve touched me, yet you’ve never actually touched me before.
By that, I mean my soul felt found, as it’s always been lost.
I understand that putting yourself out there comes with a cost.

I am so thankful you exist and that our lives somehow crossed paths. I will miss seeing your smile; I will miss hearing you laugh.

My heart is bruised, my stomach in knots.
Many other people are shooting their shot,
But my basket is moving, swerving all of the *****.
I’m no longer interested in entertaining others;
I hope one day your heart calls.

You live rent-free in my head.
I think about you 25/8—if that even exists.
Who knows? You could be my soulmate.

I’ll never forget you, and boy, I don’t want to.
I hope one day you’ll let me love you.
You’ve made a dent in my brain the size of a crater.
This isn’t “goodbye”; this is simply “see you later.”

It’s not your fault.
12 days of knowing you; I practically love-bombed myself.
I should know better, that’s a me problem.

At least you were honest.
We barely know each other.
I can’t judge you at all.
Yeah, it still stings, but that’s a me problem.

Do what you want.
Do what’s best for you.
I’m a hopeless romantic; I crush too easily.
That’s a me problem.

Words are just words. I’ve always been gullible.
I clearly built this up in my head.
That was silly of me, but that’s a me problem.

I can’t have double standards.
Apparently, I still need to grow.
You knew her before I even existed to you.
That’s a me problem.

It’s not a big deal, even if my brain tries to make it so.
It’s valid to be disappointed and hurt.
But I need to remember, that’s a me problem.

I’m so stupid; You’re single.
You’re not committed to me.
I can’t be upset with you for just living your life.
That’s a me problem.

Truly, it’s no big deal. I’m fine, really I am.
You’re allowed to be happy, and I want you to be.
Don’t worry about me; that’s a me problem.

Words are so pretty, so beautiful, so addictive.
I thought we were on the same page, at least that was my perspective.

But words are just words; they have no meaning if the actions don’t match.
Our connection was so powerful; it was hard not to get attached.

Why do I do this every **** time?
God, my brain is so dramatic; I feel like I’m going to die.
Every word you said suddenly feels like a lie.
God, I feel so silly; shut up, don’t cry.

It feels like my heart is in my stomach, no air in my lungs.
It was going too well; I knew I shouldn’t have taken the plunge.
There’s a reason for the saying “too good to be true”.
Why did I think there was an exception when it came to you.

I finally thought I found what I have always been searching for.
Turns out, when one door closes, sometimes there are no more.

No more windows, no more doors to open, I mean.
Which at first I thought was fine, because for once I felt seen.
But it’s not fine, not at all; now I’m stuck in the house.
It’s burning; it’s on fire and I can’t get out.

You held the match and at first it was keeping me warm.
Now she’s at your place and my heart is torn.
The flames are spreading and I can’t find an escape.
You said “talk to you later”, but I’m worried it’s too late.

The warmth now burns and it’s starting to cause pain. Now I’ll be up all night overthinking; won’t be able to calm my brain.

I understand you’re lonely, but you’re not the only one. I won’t judge you for this, but I hope you know what you’ve done.

They say a crush is just a lack of information and now I’m starting to think that’s true.
I got attached to your words and your potential, but I’ll never know if any of it was the real you.

The house is on fire and burning to the ground. It was silly of me to imagine what I’ve always been searching for was finally found.

Say I love you, Ms. T
Willing am I, to change
And expand my range
But I will change only my behaviour
Not my nature
For you, can I be silent
Become less brutally honest
Speak more softly
Walk more slowly
Keep some distance
Be less tense
Irrespective of the situation
Give you more attention
Even go to jail if required
As long as the cause is good!

Say I love you, Ms. T
With you, will I always be
Loyal to the tee
Through sunny and rainy days
Even if I never get my way
Your secrets, will I keep forever
For you, deeply will I care
However, never will I be overprotective
No matter what, will I do my best to stay positive
After all, are we a team
And you make me beam!!

Say I love you, Ms. T
So much fun, can we have
And so much, can I give
A night out at Elliot's Beach
Swapping tales at lunch
While I savour a Beef Biryani
Writing poems about each other
Listening to Harris Jayaraj songs together
Dissing the central government
Getting into a Harry Potter related argument
Travelling in a "toy train"
Dancing in the Chennai rain
The list will be endless
And will I make sure, nothing you miss!!

Say I love you, Ms. Y
If you love me back
I swear I will always have your back
Because, are you my world
And it is your hand I will forever hold
If not, then thank you for this beautiful opportunity
To write yet another piece of romantic poetry!!

Although ugly,
Something beautiful happens.
The air suddenly gets thick.
Your hand ***** up and flies
up to your mouth.
Lungs ache, just as we do.
They cling to breath as if
It's the last thing they have.
I cough, and my whole body heaves.
Just like you when I am behind you
My eyes tighten, and after a moment,
It's over.

A wet kiss turned inside out,
Bottled up and forced out.
An act of surrender,
Forced out in urgency.
A noise that signals sickness,
But at the same time
Searches for a fresh breath.
At times, a cough can be sickening,
Sometimes nasty.
But when everything rattles loose,
And that ache is gone.
Sometimes,
That's the best kind of love

All I need is a whiff
Of You
And I expound a million poems
On bare tree limbs
innumerable theories of multi-dimensional possibilities
I explode into the wind surfing with countless wings
And I sing in languages
I had never heard or learnt before
All I need is a whiff
Of You
And suddenly it's spring
The stark days of empty eyes and
void within
The dark days of drought upon my heart
And blue necrosis of my pen
Are things of the past
All I need is a whiff
Of you
And Like unfinished paintings on a
Rain washed golden coast
Washed clean, shining,
I am a plush new page
aflush with spring
Easily forgotten the eons of glacial silence
I am ready to somersault and sing
A whiff of you
And I spin parallel universes
Always You my emperor & I the empress
Repeats in each world I create
And here I am espousing paeans
Of what's turning out to be of epic proportions
Of orginally my two para hymns
All I need is a whiff
And I know not where and how or even why
these Thoughts come flooding in
And I am rolling out an endless red carpet
of ceaseless verses
To soften your footfall
in my dreams
All I need is a whiff
And I am in eternal spring
I am a tender shoot racing to embrace the sky
A vein of gold - lode, created in an instant
And I go wild I am on a rampage
Waking ravenous
I am a dictionary of hungry cravings
Despite last night's sumptuous fare
All I need is a whiff
of you
And I am a turmoil
All my theories stand de-constructed
My defences dismantled
My spiritual pursuit mis-directed
My lofty claims in dust
I am a muddy urn of unfulfilled desires
A whiff
All I need is a whiff..
------
©SeemaKJayaraman
Seemakj
Mumbai
17 Mar 2020

Love weaves poetry
from two voices
defter than any poets pen
and in silence
imbued with passionate memory
my pen weaves
just an echo
backlit by Love!