(Verse 1)
Although right now this means nothing,
all I can offer is an apology
so pardon me for the tears that shed.
I kept us hidden cause I wasn’t ****.
Our world was filled with secrets
that I feared others could never accept.
I eradicated all of the intimate pics you’ve ever sent
All I have are mental mementos.
The memories are only gone when I’m faded.
It helps not to remember because
I’m haunted by “we almost made it”.
I dare not remember the sweetest kiss I’ve ever been graced with
or let the next one even remotely resemble
the control that was over me.
You’re not the one I thought you’d be.
Truthfully, I wish you were here,
so I keep you in my poetry to feel you near.

(Interlude)
I write and write but there’s always something missing.

(Verse 2)
I miss,
sitting on top of the world and being understood.
I miss,
the gaze into my eyes so I could focus on yours.
I miss,
the day's love songs would resonate a bit more.
I miss,
our dope conversations and the breaks I‘d take just to get my fix.
Now my walks home are quiet and my playlist just doesn’t sound the same.

(Outro)
I write and write because there’s always something missing.
I know that I talked your ear off
…I just hope you listened.

Who is that
I see?
Some reflection as strange as me.

Too frightened to
Be alone.
Overcome by a sad tone,
Overwhelming,
Overgrown.

But
Who is this?
Who have I become?

No one.

A fact of a stranger,
Looking through the mirror.

Uncanny,
A weak figure.

But alas,
That is me.

And I,
Have withered.

I have roamed around in the emptiness
for so long, that I have grown accustomed
to the echoes of my own footsteps.

The paintings that adorned the walls of our home
only serve as a reminder of the things
that used to be joyful and beautiful

Oh, I remember every moment that we shared
our love and laughter filled the halls
it is those moments that fuel my desire to continue.

The breakfast table is no longer bathed
in the morning sunshine
only shadows of an empty chair remain.

Grey is my world now, not just from a lack of color
It's the darkness creeping in.
Your love, the light that was in my life, is fading

The picturesque words that my heart spilled for you
now cluttered the rooms and hallways
a testament to our glory days

The only thing that remains are the sunsets
Each evening I sit on the porch swing we shared
and watch as the day has set into its inevitable darkness

The alarm is warning me another day is here
I used to remember everyone I encountered throughout the day,
now I don't even remember driving home.

I leaned over and smelled the paper flower
you made and pretended it still held your scent.
Another beautiful sunset drawing to close
the latest in a long line of meaningless days

I stare out at the blank spotless sky
darkness darkness as far as the eye can see
to the point that I wonder, are my eyes open or not.

Then a spark erupted the silence
that woke me from a restless sleep.
A bright light in the recesses of my mind.
Could this be the hope that I have searched for?

Or is it only another reminder of how much I miss you.

The emotions surge within my consciousness,
Akin to a category 5 hurricane,
Annihilating any semblance of goodness in its wake.

The storm's winds blur my vision,
As if only I exist in this moment with time,
Hurling me through life without forewarning,
While the inner demons seize command.

The eye of the storm draws near,
And resistance becomes futile,
My strength depleted,
The demons gaining ground.

Admitting defeat is a bitter pill,
Yet, no alternative remains,
But to surrender to the tempest,
And relinquish myself.

The inevitable moment looms,
When the battle must cease,
As I'm engulfed by the torrential downpour,
Defeated by the internal tumult.

There's nothing I can really own,
I ache at something that wasn't mine; no memories to recollect and no sound of voice that I could memorize, not even a light could stay within.

And even the sky changes its color, it doesn't even own the stars.

I'm not going to use my love anymore
I'm already moving to fast
I should also stop using heart
if I want anything to last

Hey, I'm your ex.
It's been a really long time since I talked to you.
How are you doing? What has your day been like?
Do you think you'll want kids soon?

I've been doing hard of it.
I don't think my days can continue as they are.
It feels like no matter how much I try to change.
I can't quite move from where I start.

The weird part is, you don't know me.
I was an abusive ***.
And right now where I am, I can't reconcile him.
Who you fell in love with from the past.

But I'm still your ex and I miss you.
I wish we could talk a little more.
I never did quite get over you.
Though, what you did rattled me to my core.

But I don't blame you.
I have long since moved on from that day.
I thought you still loved me, and, well, I was wrong.
I have never been able to trust what people say.

I've tried to get in contact.
My messages to you receive no reception.
Scores of poetry line a man with a traumatic past.
Who never received, even an ounce, of physical affection.

My actions are still respecting your wishes.
When you wanted to cut me off.
You told me so, to leave you forever.
Divide the sea from the whorf.

I looked over some old messages from you.
Its really frightening how I had put on such airs.
I never trusted you, but I grew to, somewhat.
It's a shame I couldn't give you my soul to bare.

I never meant for it to be this way.
I feel like I couldn't have done any better, anyway.
And I'm just telling you, as I had before.
The man you knew, is not the man I am today.

He is so far divorced from his honest feelings, he can barely grasp them.
He is so stressed by his past, he can never confide in.
He is so untrusting of his relationships, he could never partake with.
And he certainly didn't receive the help he needed, as it would always deride him.

As I struggle through my recovery, I can't help but miss you.
Well I always have.
I wish things weren't the way they were.
They do make me very sad.

And they remind me of all my betrayals I ever felt.
Not that I made it easy.
And for you, I certainly did not.
My hopes were dashed that you would ever see me.

I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a good guy.
But I try my best, always to be honest.
I think if you knew me, as I am now.
You would know, to love you always I have kept my promise.

But being kind isn't all that special.
And being deep isn't all that rare.
And these qualities of me now, you found somewhere else.
And so this regretful loneliness I bare.