Inevitable

Inevitable Jul 7

I'm busy finding myself and getting aquatinted. Feel like my past body is on the pavement.
It always had to be me who saved me.
Now it's a different picture being painted.

Put me on a t shirt; that death was inevitable. Prolonged for too long because
I was told I wasn't capable.
I dug a grave and now I stand on top of it.
This life has always been some twisted monopoly. So I framed a death for new possibilities.
New ID, new area code.
A brand new home where no one knows me.

Im back to my old dream
since living in a false reality.
Heavily medicated had my foundation cloudy.
I'm out and I'm free from
the chains of my mentality.
Here comes the sun and the summer.
Pink cloud mornings bring on the thunder.
No rain can drown me out.
I prayed for a storm in the face of a drought.
I will scream in the name of resistance and
demand the change that persists. This is it.
Its inevitable.

Wrote 7/6/24 @ItsInevitable229

Inevitable Jun 24

"goodbye"

When the night creeps up
and the street lights come on,
sometimes I'm transported
to your childhood home.
The rain is still falling and there you are walking.
I pull up beside you and there you were
sopping wet
but I still let you in and in ways, you never left.
In times im alone,
I go back to our memories.
and when I look at my phone,
I know you wont be calling.
After all these years
I'm still droning on
about the girl I never really had
yet I still write these songs.
Im still hung up on yesterdays
but its been you all along
but ive got to let you go now
even if I dont know how.
It's just the sound of you that I love
and the way your hand fit in mine
like some magical glove.
I whisper my secrets above
right up to the stars that you say
you don't believe in anymore
If loving you intially wasnt a sin
it for sure is now.

and I don't know how
to go on without you.
I cant help but fall down
try to evaluate the truth.
I decide on solitude and doubt
and you moved on without me.
I think when you heard my voice
its was you then that was doubting.

and there's a new girl in my life now
and shes a renowned artist like you
A Leo Sun and Mercury too
and co star never fails to remind me
that it's similar to you.
but I refuse to hear her voice
even after these 7 months
I refuse to let her in and fall in love.
She's everything I've wanted
cause it's always been you
but her face is like mine
and I can see the shades of blue
in her eyes and then I cry
im stuck at a crossroads
like the one I picked you up at
and im unsure of what to do.

and I dont know how
to go on without you.
I cant help but fall down
try to evaluate the truth.
I decide on solitude and doubt
and you moved on without me.
I think when you heard my voice
its was you then that was doubting.

Im letting you go
and I'd be lying if I said
the key wasn't above the door.
Ive washed up ashore
but I'm sober and bored.
It's like I liked the turbulence and the rush of it all.
Cause when I felt like I was drowning
I thought of all the memories of my surroundings
there's no beach here but we were there
in less ways than most.
I know the reason I left from that place
and moved further from the coast.
Being here with you in those days, felt like home.
I just never told you that
and I was always fleeting
on four wheels of chrome.
I never knew why I was running
and I still dont know to this day
but in the late nights
when the street lights come on
I find myself say

and I dont know how
to go on without you.
I cant help but fall down
try to evaluate the truth.
I decide on solitude and doubt
and you moved on without me.
I think when you heard my voice
its was you then that was doubting.

Wrote 6/23/24 @ItsInevitable229

Inevitable Jun 11

Letter to The Inevitable

Born again.
It ain't no euphemism.
Dealing with this anger and depression
it's like I got the **** youth again
and I don't have any friends.
The people that call me don't read my pen
and they don't repent
but it doesn't make them any less heaven sent.
I've been learning and failing
for as long as I can remember.
The lessons I've learned has been simple tinder
for this fire in my soul and ain't no dent in my bumper that can muffle this thunder,
cause you're going to hear what I have to say
even if I cant find the words to muster.
My smile glistening with blood in my teeth
from all the rocks that I swallowed
when I ain't have nothing to eat.
I refused to claim defeat.
You couldn't walk in my shoes
cause I had bare feet.
Blisters that made them bleed
and it never stopped me.
I was beaten black and blue
but I kept silent to appease you.
What you said you'd do if I told,
wasn't what happened when the truth unfolded. Instead I was scolded.
Lost wandering in this world and
always cold shouldered. Considering it all,
I kept the chip of mine.
Walked the line and called on the divine.
Then I woke up one day and decided not to live past 9 cause when I called up to God,
I got the busy toned line.
I woke up and there was no one home to find me.
The message was blinding.
No one was going to save me besides me
so I got to the soul finding.
I woke up again and I was 25.
My old life was behind and I had a chance to shine.
No direction to go in,
just went where the river was flowing.
Without even knowing
I was living and growing.
The old memories were like a dream
but theres one I've been constantly chasing.
I refuse to forget
when my memories constantly erasing.
It's been hard to face dealing with a body that always felt out of place.
Defending my energy with a can of mace
and suddenly it's only me left to embrace.
So I do, until I turn blue.
Transcending time and space trying to find you.

Wrote 6/11/24 @ItsInevitable229

Inevitable Jun 8

Letters to IO Pt. 2

I wish I knew what I knew now.
I wish I waited until I was more well.
I disturbed your peace and left you bruised when I knew better than to pursue so soon and what ensued wasn't meant to be in the books for us.
I still believe that true,
Im made for you as you are for me.
It was and still is destiny but I feel like
how I went about things was tragedy.
It's not your fault to have found a new solace.
But I never broke my promise.
I had things to take care of and I wish I let you help but it wasn't your inflicted trauma dealt,
it was someone else's.
It wasn't your problem to fix so I went into the abyss and you found a new misses just as quick as the time ticked and I admit I was angry.
Looked for a way to hit back
and that was dangerous.
It created the illusion of an untrue thing
and I simply wish I didn't.
It was always you and still is.
And I feel like it's only me left feeling this.
I lied once in all I told you and
every moment not yours has been blue.
I told you I didn't want any parts
but I truly wanted all of you.
I never wanted you to leave but
I had to make you believe because
I didn't feel like you deserved me in that state.
I am filled with almost hate.
Never towards you even now
when things have been so obscured.
I know theres no cure. I just wish I was honest.
I wish I didn't decide the fate for you.
I always intended to come back because you said you'd never leave and you'd wait for me.
I couldn't expect that even though I did.
I guess I deserve this but I know my intentions.
The couple after you was forced.
The poetry was prompted and
in the back of my mind was always you.
I was used by them and I let them because unfortunately I had the same intention.
To cloud my weary mind of the one I left behind but desperately tried to grasp for.
So I live with this. It's been almost 2 years celibate and no matter how many times I try to let these
willing suitors in, I cant. Trust I tried.
To enjoy the ride but I can't count how many times I cried in the middle of the night laying beside one or on my own because they weren't you or
you weren't here and couldn't hear.
Theres no book thats helped,
"how to move on for dummies",
the funny looks I got when I said I wasn't hungry cause I barely even ate with you.
All the memories we never made.
The few I have stuck on replay.
The silence doesn't help.
The karmas been dealt.
How can I even be mad when
this is the reality I orchestrated.
I cant even be mad you didn't even
wish me a happy belated. Im jaded.
Almost self hatred.
A book left unfinished because I refused
that the ending was the ending.
So I sit in the late night and write you letters and I admit the past month has me sheltered and quiet. The dreams come nightly and I call myself crazy. Im hanging on a sip of hope that keeps me sated.
No one will ever be enough and I hate to say it.
We never even got to know what it would be like but in my soul I know we were/are fate.
How can I explain it? I cant.

Wrote 6/8/24 @ItsInevitable229

Inevitable May 17

I don't need a doctor; I need a friend

I could ask for a call and still not get it.
That only makes me regret it.
In the off times I prepare myself to be vulnerable
and then not get the chance,
I just stay to myself and
keep everyone closed out.
My problems, I've addressed on my own
because every time I picked up the phone,
they feared the emotions were waves
that would take me in the under tow.
but little did they know, I'll always float.
and I know thats not much of living
but its been the cards I was given.
I don't fight it anymore
and I choose to adore the shore
that I can never quite reach.
I watch the beings that I'll never quite be.

Wrote 5/17/25 @ItsInevitable229

Inevitable May 6

I AM LEGEND

In my world,
I live in that movie.
I go to the shops
begging someone to speak to me.
All I find is mannequins
and blood *******
flesh eating
monsters.
In the outside world,
it's just my dog and I
and keeping those monsters
hands and nails from gripping onto us,
keeps us locked in a waste land.
Ive been looking for a cure,
a vaccine even,
but all I come up with is words
no one is listening to anyways.
A real cure would be a heart or conscious
but thats not something
that can be gifted or bought.
So I stand with those who
have known nothing but being fought,
I speak for those who only have racing thoughts,
for those who live in fear
and those who consistently miss a meal
cause those monsters are no sponsors
and they'd rather see you bleed
before they feed you.

Wrote 5/5/24 @ItsInevitable229

Inevitable May 1

Expectations

Expectations have a way of breaking your heart.
They highlight the grey line between
thought and the actual know.
You never know anything unless its explicitly said
but in my life, even the spoken words
hold no weight anymore.
There is no trust in the mere words that are spoken to me because without action, they mean nothing. Same as an apology;
would rather skip the sorry and see/be the proof.
I have not always been right.
To be honest, i've been more wrong.
Life has a way of humbling you and
showing you exactly what you need
and most of the time, it's just you.
And even in myself, I've had to learn to
not have expectations because after 26 years,
I'm still learning what I'm capable of and
who I am.

Wrote 4/30/24 @ItsInevitable229