I believe in some things
like happiness, true love, peace
but its always been just out of reach.
I've run into snakes and leech after leech
but its nothing thats ever defeated me.
I've been lost at sea,
in holes too deep to see,
not been able to breathe
but these blessings I receive daily
has been the energy that gives belief of a maybe.
I'm a presence you don't realize until I leave.
I believe in my reprieve. I repent.
I'm heaven sent
to a society in which I do not blend,
I transcend.
Touch lives and survive.
I don't say whats not meant.
I believe in something bigger than me
and I believe in destiny.
I don't not fear the inevitable.
It's what makes me,
it's what breaks me
and it's what will take me.
I'm here left standing when I was created to fall.
It's nothing more than what it's meant to be.
This world was made for me.
The disasters perpetually creating prophecy.
Despite the darkness that I called home,
I still believe in a light that will brighten my nights,
I believe in a creator that makes more than a fight.

I wish someone would ask me if I was okay.
It would be nice if anyone worried about me at all.
Truth is, they could ask but I most likely would claim fine when in reality I'm dying inside.

I communicate well enough.
Thats also why I wonder if anyone cares at all.
In those moments where I'm drowning
and I finally ask for help? No one answers.

I can only rely on myself.
I'm the only one making sure I'm okay
and I'm not right now.
Quite frankly I have no idea what to do
so I decided to write to you.

These days have got me praying to any god
knowing that whatever wave pulls me under,
I always have that split second in between them that I gasp for air and somehow manage to survive that way.. but thats not living is it?

I think about how I must've been really ****** in my past life. It's the only way I can cope with never being able to stand up and breathe for longer than a second. It has got to stop at some point right?

I always say I wanna run away to Mars
but the truth is I'd go to Jupiter with you.

I don't let that slip
because maybe it's inappropriate.
You're on a trip around Venus
but i'm stuck in your orbit.

You have a way of getting by without sharing anything. Yet I feel like you say the most in the moments when you don't speak at all.
I feel the most in the silence,
a heaviness in you that I can't place.
I wish you would let me in more so I knew
what is going on
cause I feel it more than I know it
but without confirmation,
it's delusion.

I have painted in you light
that only exists to brighten the day,
the light that grows saplings,
that creates vitamin D.
See, the way in which I speak of you is to the heights of heaven as if describing god herself.
I ***** adoration of a being so celestial that I can no longer reach out and touch the face
that gives hope of salvation.
So I pray. To a god, to a savior,
to anyone who might listen,
that will take notes on every word I've made up to describe the retching love in which
I yearn for for lifetimes.
You are the reason I believe in love,
but the reason I also think
I will not find if not in you.