I wake up to blue light
I see it when I close my eyes

frustrated and weighted by comparison
I filter my intensity
condense my personality
I show tongue and teeth but no failures or flaws

I see you in your squares, in all your glow
I want to see the dirt under your fingernails
want you to see me cry, my pores up close, counting your eyelashes
I don't want to see twenty pictures res of the same sunset
cascading down a feed that never fulfills
shades changed and tweaked at exposure
I am exposed ever day
but am I known
I want to see the world by your side
not through your phone
hear the sunsets reflect in your tone

I don't want to lose a bet with myself that I don't stare I don't scroll
lose my evening to a screen
my life to anxiety of how people see me
but I want to be seen

I want to know you beyond squares
and validation screams content for moments till I review my content
view myself in the eyes of another
a narcissistic shudder
I doubt and judge myself
wishing not to compare not to care
yet impulse is too lovable
addiction and algorithmic luring
habits savaged a daily instinct
to share
to show my life through squares

I didnt wanna tell you I was drunk
I didnt want to crush anything much less the heart of yours you let me see
it really is a beautiful gift to have
it is a repeated cycle of loneliness and saddness
why is you who always has the key out of it
you with your set voice that could melt snow on a the coldest of days
but I was drunk
and I am lonely
and sad
and here you are
and im falling again
falling where I shouldn't be
I am not yours
I promise i won't or can't ever be
it's hard to not talk to you
I just wanna excite you dude
like you do me
I wanna treat you like you treat me
but it seems to be mixed all the time
and I can't stand you
but you do things that make me smile
you remember
your *** doesn't let me talk though
like someone else I can name
is there something wrong with me
why does no one want to listen
idk
I need to forget again.
**** the *******.




July 3rd 2016