I lay awake at night,
Pondering how paths diverged,
With the underlying question
Of what could have been
If only you had been there,
Guiding as a father should,
Perhaps then I wouldn't feel
Like a mere void in existence.
I cannot face my reflection,
Without questioning my essence,
Trying on masks, seeking one unbroken,
In the labyrinth of self-discovery.
It's all so vexing,
A lamentation of lost chances,
I resort to scars to uncover,
What remnants of you remain.
And the ache intensifies,
Knowing siblings exist, but unseen,
Do they yearn for connection,
Do they dream of knowing me?
Why must I be ensnared,
In this cycle of longing,
I endure the weight of ignorance,
Of a life left unexplored.
I wish these emotions could resonate,
And impart the depth of my sorrow,
You do not merit the title of father,
You are but a stranger I regret "knowing"
My father was never in my life pretty much. He used to text me and call me for less than 3 months and then completely disappear for a few years and do it all over again until I had enough.
