Enough glass analogies for me
Your sharps words are your apology
Even though I’m yelling at ghosts
You are what makes me hate ME the most

I hate the rocks I carry for you
The heavy stones you used
To smash me into pieces

I was gonna say broken
But broken parts can  be fixed
And I’m yelling at ghosts
I’m screaming at the smoke

That’s not a few stitches
It’s a lifetime of surgery
Piecing together the old memory of who I’m supposed to be

It’s a lifetime of being soaked
Naked with no clothes
Drowning in the rain that always came
The predictability is what killed me
But most times it was your name

I keep saying you
I have no clue who I’m referring to
Just a big monster taking up space in my brain
A collection of mementos colored by pain

I wish I could tell you,
Just how tired I am.
But the word tired is not strong enough.
Exhaustion would make it sound as if I had been running marathons.
Yet even sitting in my room all day,
I am exhausted by noon.

The moment I awake in the morning
With the sun rising, the warmth on my skin
and butterflies flying, birds chirping away the day.
As soon as I open my eyes to the trees in view,
I am tired again.

I can sleep all night and never make a sound.
I could sleep like a rock, and still.
I am so tired.

I am tired when I am alone
and I am drained when I am not.
I am tired of fighting myself all day long.
I am tired of being tired.

Even though I want to say hello,
I am too tired to engage.
I am too tired to stand up for myself,
or interject to correct.
I am sorry my being tired gets in the way.

It gets in the way every single day.

I've seen how beautiful you bloom
That's why I work so hard for you
I've seen the power of your flourish
That's why I stick around
Even though you pierce me
That's why I bleed so nice for you
But all my hopes and dreams are memories
That I tried to plant on snowy grounds