I'm ready for the rain,
ready for the pain it brings,
ready for the cleansing,
the healing,
the arrival of feelings I've been inviting for months...
I've been avoiding for months...
I've been fighting for months.
Because I believed that numb was better but now I crave the harsher weather.
Now I need the hurricanes,
need them so desperately I can hardly separate me from the want.
The savage desire to light a fire I'm unwilling to put out engulfs me.
I want to set myself aflame, but blazes lead to blame and body counts.
So instead, I'll await the rain.
Best to just let it wash away.

She was not forewarned that with fresh starts come broken hearts
and rebirth is never pretty nor pain free.
To escape the misery it was necessary to first feel the burn,
only it was never meant to hurt quite like this.

Hoping to kiss an old friend goodbye to the tune of a lullaby you've long out grown,
but instead having them trace your skin with knives and ice as you stand blindly believing,
facing their shadow and mistaking lies for eyes as yours water.

It's okay you didn't see the weapon.
It's okay your hands shook as you ripped it from between ribs then stitched your chest shut.
It's not okay they walked away without harsh words, deserved, hurtled at their heels.

But know your freedom is battle born,
and strength comes to those who know their own worth and do not waver.

I had dreamed
that by now
I wouldn’t feel the chill
under my skin anymore.
I imagined by now
I would have
warmed it away.
How many days,
eyes closed
raised to the sun,
will it take?

I feel the restlessness
rustling
unfolding
unwinding
with every drop.

I cannot fly
with wet wings.

the rain is playing
its jingle again
between the trees

night unravels
liquorice tongue
pricked with stars

your fingers
look perfect
between my fingers

our language
an ephemeral blush
on windowpanes

fall into myself again

i am the pale flower
you left out in the rain

never growing

but these things take time

one morning will sing

ring-a-ding-ding
inauguration day

become yourself again

champagne voice
or a cliché of your choice

does the new year
come in April

leaves that surf the breeze
got yourself going green

soak those lungs
with that fresh air

will it come it will come

you don't think it
but know it

the fog can only cradle you
for so long

until you grow

like spring flowers

I will find any opportunity
to have a fresh start.
Sure, I like to use
the monumental ones
like New Year’s Eve
or my birthday.
But I like to find
a blank slate
in the everyday things, too.
A haircut.
A new tube of lipstick.
Looking at the first
blank page of a sketchbook
while I sharpen
a brand-new pencil.
Starting a book
I’ve never read.
Wearing a shirt
I’ve never worn.

I will find any opportunity
to start myself over,
to try to get closer
to the girl I could be.
To get a little closer
to her.
to me.

you came back

a fresh start
a new beginning
taking me
out of the dark
and into the light
so i can heal
from what you
left me as
petals wilted
leaves browned
wounds now mending

let me learn
so i can grow
once more
take me
somewhere i belong
where i can bloom
as the flowers do
with pretty petals
green leaves
full of life
a new beginning
a fresh start

that’s what you’ve given me

- bloom