Glittering sea glass in the windowsill
I remember the ocean
but I'm lonely still.
I don't want to find happiness
through a tight packed pill
give me a value,
and put it in my untimely will.

I found a way out once
and now it's all I can think about
cold black metal
stuck in an open mouth.
Couldn't punctuate the sentence
now I am without
a plan or a passion
its all gone south.

I'm sharp like a bottle struck on the wall
I remember everything
can't forgive at all.
When will all this damage and tossing
do some good
when will I be handled softly
like pine becomes wood?
Looking for a statue of success
where a mother's first disappointment
once stood.

Sadly not, I won't be here tomorrow,
I'll be somewhere else, someone else.
though I'm not talking about different life,
and I'm not talking about same old death.

I am talking about time that is timeless.
I am talking about placeless place.
About some kind of Hell-free Heaven,
some kind of greener grass Universe.

I'm not talking about having a choice,
or some signs of hope that'd be showing,
but about clocks like broken toys,
and maps like some nursery drawings.

I am packing my stuff - it's not easy:
been unpacking things my whole life.
Feels like turning the course of dry river,
or the blood painted hands of  time.

**** the happiness, **** the sorrow,
no more heartful and dreadful a-roving.
Blind man's shadow - my guide I will follow.
Only future me knows where I'm going.

before things get rash,
we should run.
but one of us is dead,
and one of us has no legs.

so,
maybe i went overboard.
maybe i already got rash.
maybe i messed it all up,
but we can still fix this.

i wait for you to chide me like you always do,
but all you do is bleed out.
i wait for you to get back up like you always do,
but all you do is lie there.
i wait for you to fix everything like you always do,
but you’re not chiding me,
and you’re not getting up,
and you’re not fixing
everything.

you can’t really expect to get out of this just like that, can you?

you can’t get away,
i’ve made certain of that.
i made sure you would stay here right next to me,
just like always, but baby,
it doesn’t feel like always.

before the sirens of an ambulance come cat-calling your body,
before they steal you from me, promise:
“to love and to cherish, until parted
by death.”
i can’t hear you, dear, that thief’s sonorous chorus resounds;
you’ll have to speak up.
because we can still run, we can still get away from this town,
we can still steal your father’s beat-up pick-up truck and run away,
just like the songs.

honey, don’t you get it?
we’ll always be together,
“‘til death do us part,”
you swore it yourself.

well, i’m not dead yet,
but the paramedics lift you into the back of that **** ambulance,
while i’m loaded into the back of a cop car.

we are still bound by our vows.

Built a house to escape to
Found out it's filled with ghosts
Had to break my mind in two
To accommodate the thoughts.

They won't leave, they won't go
Only I can know
What a drag of a show it is to feel,
But to not be, alone.

I dreamed of mastering the dark
And I do, but now it filled my life
With truths and lies and masks in disguise.
Praying for light, as I muffle my cries.

And I don't break, I don't go
Cause only I can know
How to master the thoughts
Of a ghost in disguise.

I'm a liar and a cheat
And I pray to my own heartbeat
For it to stay and let me lay,
Down my sorrow and my tainted name.

I once had a flame
Flickering inside of me
Warming my heart

But the flame was blown out
By cold lips
I am no longer warm
I am cold and numb
The dreary darkness consumes me

I grab a lighter
Frantically trying to bring it back
But there is no use
The light is gone
The warmth is gone
I have gone cold

They opened up my mind, saw what was inside
I no longer had a place to go
I tore apart my flesh and fled,
In a split second in time, I got lost in your tectonic breadth
It was their delusional minds making you bleed to death
Now your rifts and valleys,
your glaciers under your crest
your cracks where water reins
Your sighs within these magnificent gaps...

Flightless in your substance
I fall,
Rejoice like a moth in the flame

We played a game,
Where neither of us--tell a name
And yet, submerge in a ravine of shame.

We agreed to this perilous gamble
In a morbid hope of a beast to tame;

Which crawls beneath my skin
Set to devour everything akin--
       To happiness and love,
That was stowed away hidden
      In a secret trove.