sept.22,18

residue of thought
my life resounds
in my head
a circular

treating her sadly
in his dull pride admired

when his innocence, inoculated
with sour spores,
devolves into thick hides
jaded attitudes
and glazed gaze
raised in the house,
to only look in at the garden
via viewports distorted

The rain is so frail, beatific
moment, dim precipitate on my bare arms
and wondrous half-light washing across the city sky.

Do I trust myself with CNS depressants, or am I just deterred
by the thought of those more eclectic GABA aftereffects.

Life is about running in circles
And making those circles as big as possible
But I only run with the hurtful
And my circle is an obstacle
I must hurdle
To live optimal
But I hide like a turtle
In my tortoise shell
Sort of hell
Where a flood fell
Filling the blood well
That is my circular cell

My route to south
Roundabout
Gives a frown devout
And I can’t get out
When the other drivers block me
In this game of circular hockey
The other skaters try to knock me
Until I’m not me

The difference is stark
Now I’m a circling shark
Looking for prey to eat
To join in my defeat
I tell myself I enjoy pain that’s visceral
Because I’m so miserable

After all my sinning
The circle is winning
As my head is spinning
From a hurricane
Ensuring pain
In my fury brain
With an impossible game
To tornado tame
The circling drain

So I find this circular saw
Has a surplus of flaws
Living by primal laws
I use tiger claws
To follow lion laws
While they gnash their ****** jaws
I just look down at my circular paws
Wishing I wasn’t following frauds

My life is an O
I don’t know
Where to go
I follow the flow
In a circular mode
My life is a 0
So I look for a hero
I only find fear though
Making me veer low

After countless searches
I find circles of purpose
That can’t be purchased
With something like money
But a way of existing
That demand I stop running
And I stop resisting
Fear grips me
As changes trip me
As my new way strips me
Which was part of its gifting
To end my circle sifting
With a cross it lifts me
To end my drifting

In the summer of 1988 my brother and I found something in our grandmothers backyard.  It was a very hot summer that year and little rain had graced the very parched yellow grass.  However there was one small area where the grass stayed green.  It was there my brother and I had found The indestructuable circular object.   It was made of some kind of glass and would emit small patterns of light.  We kept it a secret from everyone.  
     We took it everywhere with us.  One day we decided to take it to the lake with us.  We were going to use it much like a magnifying glass and wanted look at all the insects and plants.   We then came upon a dead bird first.  We used the circular object to look deep into the feathers of the dead bird.  Many lights begin to shine within in the object.   It then almost seem to wrap around the bird in an instant.  The birds wings started to flap!  It then flew into the trees and begin to sing.  
     The indestructuable circular object lay there on the ground shining like a small sun.  My brother and I were in awe at what we just saw.  It now made sense on why the grass was green on where it sat at my grandmothers house.  Whatever this thing was it seem to give life.  We decided to test it on everything around us!  We picked up a dead leaf and held it close to the circular object.  It shined yet again and the leaf turned green!  We used it on a stick, and then a dead grasshopper.  All of which came back to life!  
    The evening slowly painted the day away.  We made our way home. We both lay in bed staring at the amazing indestructuable circular object.  It would let out small sprites of light here and there.  We couldnt wait to use it tomorrow!  In the middle of the night we awoke to the circular object doing some sort of strange hum.  It did it for about thirty seconds and then seem to quiet down.
   The morning had come and we were out the door at first light.  My brother remembered seeing a dead cat on the road a block away.  This was going to be a bigger test!  The cat had been hit by a car. I was a bit scared to try it on the cat. What if it came back looking the way it did after the car hit him!  We but the object near the cat and it shined brighter than ever before!   There was even a strange sound coming out of it!

My OCD is running wild again, causing me to think things
That I really know I shouldn't. The same things over
And over, and I know I can't escape the thoughts in my own mind.

I strain with all my might to put another thought there;
"I need to stop thinking this. I need to stop thinking this",
Like trying not to think of white bears.

Untill the cycle turns to another set of thoughts,
Getting closer to what I desire, but not quite there;
"I need to stop thinking this. I need to stop thinking this."

Knowing I need to stop thinking those thoughts
Becomes a thought in itself, and I know- I just know
They'll bring me to tears if I can't stop them;
"I need to stop thinking this. I need to stop thinking this."

Distractions! That's what I need! Something to stop the mind racing.
Something I can physically do without disturbing everyone else.
Softly I start saying nonsense words to myself;
"Monkeys and aliens. Monkeys and aliens."
Hoping they won't hear me in the next room.

Is it helping yet? No, no! Don't think like that!
It'll only last longer if you think about your progress;
"Monkeys and aliens. I need to stop thinking this."

"Stop talking; I can't concentrate on the words you say,
And it just reminds me that I'm still not okay.
Just give me a moment. Yes, alright then. A coffee. Fine.
Just please, please, stop offering your help.
I need to be able to do this myself."

"Unicorns, dragons and Boggel-de-rumps!"
Yes, yes! That's it! The nonsense poems you wrote
From the days you thought you were happy.
They'll help you out, no doubt!

I whisper the rhymes to myself, slowly calming down
Such joyous, happy, bouncy words!
How could I ever be unhappy with such words around?
Oh yes, that's right, I remember now;
"I need to stop thinking this."

A circular poem. Start anywhere and repeat as necessary.*

<=The point of a wave is that it is not=>

A circular poem. Start anywhere and repeat as necessary.*

<= Infinity will happen if not sooner than later =>