I knew right away
when you stopped choosing me.

I knew because you started
only texting back one word replies,

I knew because none of you snap stories
from our trip included me,

I knew because you started untagging yourself
in my instagram pictures - that you told me to tag you in,

I knew because you lied about
other girls being down the shore,

I knew because you changed your Facebook
picture to you and a "friend",

I knew because in the photo
you were wearing a shirt that I bought you,

I knew because you said
she was just an old friend,

I knew because you changed my contact name in your phone
but wouldn't explain why,

I knew because you started rehashing previous drama
just to find an excuse,

I knew because you started
ignoring my calls,

I knew because you said you
just weren't ready for a relationship,

I knew because you said you
needed some space,

I knew because two days later your Facebook said
"In a Relationship" with the girl from your picture,

I knew then that you had never been choosing me.
You were placing me,
into the void of whatever your life was missing.
Merely a place holder
until you found what you really wanted.

I knew, right away
that you stopped wanting me, choosing me, and loving me
because you never wanted
to choose me
to love
at all.

The warmth and earthy scent of the forest floor is gone and instead,
It's ashtrays and sore eye lids I don't
Know how to dislodge the small, grey stone in my throat sometimes
The stone chokes me I wish
I could peel back my skin like a spring onion,
And reveal and fresh new me,
As if the broken, beige bit never existed I love
The sound of washing machines going round and round,
And round and round and round and round I think
About the tree trunks and buttercups and melted ice creams and as the air warms like this I feel sick and
Foolish,
And I can't look at things through my eyes I want
You to be happy and I'll try
And be like a spring onion,
All shiny, and green and white.

There should be clearer signs,
as a relationship starts to break up
- the hiss of steam, a twist of smoke perhaps
or debris distributed across a hot,
cloudless, summer evening sky.
That way, the force of recognition
wouldn’t be so much of a slap.

I have felt pain that makes me ache
Dark pain that pulls me till I fall apart
A gnawing sensation which I can not take
Both slow and hard this pain pulls at my heart
This pain won't come "because" I think of thee
It comes from silence, something that's missing
This pain pulls at me, I wish that you could see
Your silence hurts me more than words reminding
It hurts to feel like you don't care at all
It hurts to know that I missed out on "we"
So now I start to stand up from this fall
Abandon all plans I hoped would make you see
So your choices I choose to except
For I trust you through the tears I've wept