He was more himself
Than anyone I'd ever met
He laughed with his eyes
Made me sandwiches
While his friends
Told me about the good times
And the bad times
He held me tightly
In front of everyone
He wanted me everywhere
I wanted him too
I wanted him too much.
I ignored his habits
The medicine to sleep
The drinking to speak
Never leaving the house
Except to pick up
More and more habits
I wanted him too much
He didn't want me enough.

was all he needed to
make the sickness go away
two a day
two times three is six
large white monstrosities
made his muscles burn
back ache, legs cramp

side effects took hold
and anxiety
waiting for blood tests
and bowel movements
his fingernails grew
as did his beard
he tossed, turned
insomnia invaded

he woke up on day four
looked in the mirror
peeling around his eyes
tingling on the skin
discomfort in the gut
he massaged his belly
six little pills
and not one had worked

I stopped looking over my shoulder.

[Hrm.]

[Looks like the whole first half of X has gone missing.]

[Well, I can’t let that happen.]


Sometimes, I wonder if X thinks of me.

         i sure do.



X is not desired as an object, but a person.


X.
24.
2.
4.
6.
Cardinal.

[Well.]

[That was quite a night.]

                 [Sure is getting boring around here, considering i only wrote this dingy warehouse ****** scene into canon.]




[You know what?]

[***** it, let’s write something while X is asleep.]

Afternoon

the       cold       autumn      air      feels      like       it      ‘BURNS’
        gently strokes my skin
the brisk, autumn air
very
      very
           lightly
    smells of
petrichor ‘and decay’

the partly cloudy sky bears
‘6’

     light
‘cardinal red’
drops
                that gently rest on my face
‘they burn’

this feeling

       its so ‘horrible’



[Oh great. looks like she wasn’t asleep.]

[She was learning.]

I look forward.
   the light
in your eyes
   IT GLIMMERS
blinding
   begging

but i give into the CACOPHONY
   the DISCORDANT TONES


“your
                turn”
Click.
.
.
.

.
.
.
Click.
.­
.
.

.
.
.
Click.
.
.
.

.
.
.
Click.
.
.
.

.
.
.
Click.
.
.
.
­
.
.
.
Click.
.
.
.

.
.
.
BANG


                             ­   what have
                                                            ­i
                                                               ­      d
                                                               ­         o
                                                      ­                   n
                                                               ­          e

“I believed them.
I trusted them.
   I was convinced
That these harmonious times didnt have to come to an end.
   But now,
I’m descending
  down
        further
                and further
                           back into the CACOPHONY

I can’t go back.

    Stop playing with my heart.



Just leave me be
to my own devices
                to search
                                or be sought

for myself
  or another
       that has yet to make itself clear


         i’ll lead myself”