When hell freezes over

And i can’t feel the cracks in the walls
I’m not sure anymore
“These times are the worst times”
And what comes after

What if i don’t want to know
Why do babies die
When they’ve never done anything
The most innocent
This earth will ever feel
Is when it’s reclaiming
The porcelain faces
With eyes closed

Maybe it’s because
The longer we spend waiting
Like opening windows
When it’s supposed to rain
“It gets worse before it gets better”

But there is no contest
It’s just comparison
Plath wrote a novel
About how hard it is to die
Your body doesn’t want to

But your soul can’t sleep anymore
You are tired
From bouncing off the padded walls
Inside your skull
So much it feels like
Your own thoughts have bruises
Concussions within concussions
It hurts to think
The engine doesn’t start

And every day i try to sleep
Except
I’m still awake
Because it doesn’t matter anymore

We spend our time
Waiting out the storm
(Even when it’s in the windows)
Waiting for the sunshine
But all it means is
The storm will ruin everything

And no amount of sunlight
No kisses
No daisies
Will ever make the floorboards dry up
Will fix the ruined wallpaper
No open windows
Will air out this house

Everything settles
Like dust on the mantel
The floorboards pop
Like the elbows of tree branches
Bucking together,
Shivering in winter
The house is restless
But too old to move
Too tired
Too heavy

And so am i.
There’s still something in it
Us
We
And still so empty at the same time.

If the room is vacant
Is it still a room
Or is it a tomb
That’s been desecrated
Put it back the way it was meant to be,
Full inhabitants
The dead haunting both places.

Because i am fearless
To be honest
When you don’t feel
I am plastic and
Tattered rugs in the hallway
I am
Cigarette smoke stains
Nicotine yellow and
Placid green
rotting from the inside out
Like a cavity
You’ve always been too poor to fix
Yet... not an ache like that
Too easy to ignore
And when it’s past the point
It falls out, and life goes on

No

I am a wildfire
Burning everything alive
And too big to put out
Everyone can see it
Everyone’s afraid
The very smoke from my own destruction
Is killing the skies
Suffocating on top of the heat
Like a hurricane, hotter
A god of fifty thousand degrees

And yet... they see it coming
All they can do is
Hope i burn myself out
And don’t take their lives too

And there’s nothing
No open windows
No kisses
No daisies

Can do about it

dewalt yellow construction stereo
marysville lumber coffee mug
plastic blue butter knife
fire
red solo cup
black metallic lantern
smoke and ash
trees towering above
red case containing coffee grounds
a blanket of sunlight

Some time in may
Last year, 2018
It was a warm day
I was thirteen

You said you didn't want me
Anymore
You broke my heart and changed me
But that's not the end

I thought I'd never finish
Being thirteen
To die was my dearest wish
But I turned fourteen

You may have broke my heart
But it fixed on its own
You messed me up real smart
Now my hearts on airplane mode

Won't let anything in
That includes memories of you
I'm going to win
I will forget how I loved you

You you you you you
On my mind
Me me me me me
Please be kind

To yourself
You're still alive
Look at you
Heart still going

My heart's on airplane mode
At least it's still beating
Living on my own
No more feeling

Look at me and glance into my eyes. Feel the power from the windows of my soul. Glare into the beaming light of my mind. Relax BUT WAIT I want full control. The conversation begins my attraction the stimulation of total interaction. Lay it on me nice and slow let the words soothe you with the warmest touch and let your mind flow. So now I begin to think because HELL its only my thoughts right or is it the emotion deep within my thoughts that DRIVE YOU CRAZY. Welcome to my mind a mind of intellect, a mind of deep passion, a mind of growth, but more a mind of mental action. I wanna lick you from your head to your toes. I wanna show your body what I’ve been craving for. I wanna lick those ***** lips like I never ate your ***** in my face before. I wanna glide my tongue across that **** until you begin to *** all in my mouth while I’m ******* on that your pleasure point. I want to gently caress your back with the slightest touch of my tongue. Kissing you from your neck to your private places while your back begins to arch with the pressure of my manhood inserting your throbbing treasure chest. I wanna change of the pattern of your breathing. Gently stroking while our bodies and minds connect in the most desirable physical form. Making love like the sun meeting the horizon. Ever flowing like the rivers and streams as I hit that spot that makes you yearn for more. CREAM! More power with a deeper attitude. Fire and desire, love making until the night is day baby I want to give you something that’s gone change ya entire life. Pleasure and pain I can just hear it now but wait, can’t forget about that gentle kiss that makes it even better. Words unspoken but through physical form let it be felt. I love you with passion ever so smoothly and intimately. Like that mental touch that glides down your spine to the gentle kiss from your lips to mine. Baby I wanna make love to you til the sun come up but now SNAP! ......... Dam it’s only just my thoughts.
          
Now what did you say?

TEXT MESSAGE‼️

You get me tight when I know I can’t have you. No I’m not talking about ****** healing, but the intimate things like hold you on a daily, kiss you like it’s my last, caress and soothe ya mind while watching a movie, laugh at stupid jokes and clown on each other for being goofy. You mean so much to me and I’m not ashamed to express it. Whether it’s in the public eye or in our private time, just the thought of your face puts a smile upon mine. Just to know that you are happy brings joy to my heart. If love conquers all then pain should be of the past and ultimately mend the broken from the start. Days past and nights slowly drift away but one thing is that I’m forever appreciative of that day when we first intervened in each other’s space. You’re like the missing piece to my puzzle that I’ve been waiting to find. A tender heart, a sweet soul and a gentle mind. The love I possess is real, authenticity at its best I just want you to feel. Feel the way my heart beats to the soothing rhythm of life, not the wounds of the forbidden knife. Day by day your love captures me more and more, for Gods mercy we can and shall endure. Endure the hurt, endure the pain, endure the lonely nights crying of each other’s name. For the pressure to love will never be too hard because through Gods grace, we can now lay off the guard. The guard that wants to hold us back and hinder our growth, never to reveal the season of our outgrowth. So point in fact is that I cherish you and I promise to love. Love with not a broken heart but a mended mind because if love conquers all then I’ve been loving you from the very start.

I hate you 2018, goodbye
In the past 12 months
You've taken everything from me
while all I could do was scream ..why?
Why did u take everyone I loved
Why was I was left with my depression
I tried to reach out but was told that my feelings didnt matter and away ,they were shoved

I realized I'm not living for myself
I am my mothers puppet
that has to be perfect and be kept safe in a cell ...
(that what i call my room now)
when I look at my bed
all I see is the pain,the sleepless nights
when all I wanted was an escape from the thoughts in my head
I look at my ceiling and walls
I would stare at them
while i sobbing
as I curled my body into a ball

I'm going to have a better year
because if its as bad as 2018
i don't know if I will still be here