Song Filled Hour ....

it's the little things about you that make me happy like the little indentation on your chin and the stubble on your cheeks that tickles mine each time i kiss you.
it's your hair. the way it's short and smooth on the sides but long and soft on top. it's just long enough for me to run my fingers through but not so long where it gets tangled and coarse.
i want to wake up and feel that under my fingers every single morning and every night before i go to sleep curled up by your side.
it's your eyes. those piercing blue eyes which on some days are bluer than the sky.
it's the tip of your nose. perfectly pointed and shaped as if it was meant for mine to fit next to it when we kiss.    
it's the way you open the car door for me every single time, making sure to kiss me before I sit in your passenger seat.
it's the way you hold my hand. your hands are always warm and mine always cold but when they intertwine the cold disappears. it's a perfect fit.
it's the way you laugh at the most random times and things. it's the laugh that sneaks up on you and catches you off guard to the point where you're doubled over with tears streaming down your face. it's the laugh that warms my heart and soul.
it's the way we can communicate using solely pop culture references. laughing for hours on end about that joke or video you saw online today or last year and having entire conversations using only phrases from vines.
it's the little things about you that stick in my head and make me smile a little bit when we're apart.
it's the little things that make you
you
the you that i fell in love with.

we don't need a fancy house with a state of the art kitchen or a king sized bed.
we don't even need a one-bedroom apartment with a kitchen we can barely fit in.
we could be living out of a van, sleeping at truck stops and eating protein bars and drinking 99-cent cans of arizona iced tea.
as long as we have each other, i will be eternally happy.

Remembering how I survived
22 years of my life
Regretting the opportunity missed
In understanding sweet and spice
But now on the ides of April
The month they say which fools
Is teaching me the sides of enigma
Which rules
Still the anxiety
Grown from 12 to 22
Where did the magic go
I can just find it on my soul
But in my soul?
Reluctant or not
Talk wisely or not
Right decisions or not
Right person or not
Drop the curtain or not
Taste of life or test of life
Done with dramas
Gonna flow with saga
Miss the childhood dreams
That now has taken over
Giving it a chance
Because one day i wanna grow my wings
And fly high and sing
Because this new tech-gen world
Tastes me like a glass of wine

Layered.  Say you didn't know these were complex.



(sonnet #MMMMMMCCXXXVII)


Blue skies peer thinly twixt the whiter tale
Of clouds whose stringy webs mask what, from hence?
The warming golden light half bleak, a sense
I maunt put down stalks through all that'd avail.
Ne shadows nor a flirting breath t'exhale
By even halves and I am jumpy, whence
What daffodils might nod can own intents
While folk tell April Fools jokes like we've bail.
Did I complain oer...jonquils' yellow tour
Of frilly heads and purple hy'cinth too?
Yes.  I said even ******* laundry's...poor,
Sith Mum is buried.  Taen from me now, who
Shall pity?  Sparrows e'en too distant fer
Aught smiles, I wonder if a man'd now woo.

01Apr17c

when i'm apart from you
i feel like a child trying to sleep through the night without my favorite stuffed animal or my favorite blanket.
i feel lost and uncomfortable.
some nights it's hard to sleep because being away from you physically hurts.
my chest should be fluttering with birds and butterflies - it should be alive
but
it's like someone knocked the wind out of me -
there's a heaviness that i cannot shake.
but when i'm with you
those birds and butterflies are alive and well
they try to free themselves from the confines of my ribcage but my skin keeps them stuck there.
when i'm with you i feel like a garden is blooming out of my ears.
i feel like i could burst and disintegrate into stardust and everything would turn out fine.

i long for you next to me here on this couch as i watch this episode of law and order for the sixth time and still be unsure of how it ends.
i wish you were next to me in the grocery store helping to push the cart as i triple check the list to make sure we got everything.
i wish you were in the kitchen with me so we could dance like nobody's watching in between the steps of the recipe that i know we won't follow.
i long for you to be next to me in bed so i can sleep soundly through the night and if nightmares come crawling into my dreamscape, i know you will be there to chase them away.
i wish you were in my passenger seat so i can look at you out of the corner of my eye in the mirrors as i try to focus on the road ahead.
i wish you were there so i could kiss you at stop lights and drive with no destination in mind.
i want to go to all of my favorite places with you by my side because then i will be complete.
i will be whole.

No one came to my funeral
Yes, I am, very very dead
No one came to my funeral
Because they aren't right in the head.

No one came to my funeral
Only a couple close friends
No one came to my funeral
Just well wishes sent

No one came to my funeral
They left mom and dad all alone
No one came to my funeral
They just sat there at home

No one came to my funeral
Even though I'm dead
No one came to my funeral
Because of the hijab on my head