You're merely seventeen, you aren't in love,
you don't even know what love means-
but then...
neither do I,
and you may think I’m being ignorant
but I'm really just bitter to the taste and rough at the core.

My blood runs black, but my tears are sapphire.
My eyes are as glaring as the air in March.
Don't tell me my mind is powerless.
My soul is dense.
And though my heart is tattered and covered in scabs,
the wounds are more wise than your attempts of being an adult.

You may slush wine in a glass-
as tipsy as the seesaw on the playground from your childhood,
but you will never be able to see.

You can sing and dance that you're in love because you ****** the first girl that said she loved you,
but you shouldn't be so naive,
because it’s easier to be hurt if you are.

So you can wear your six inch heels
and prance around in your chiffon mini skirt and Chanel handbag,
but you will never be a grownup.

I am abrasively myself forever and always
I come off as an awkward, perverted, introverted lady
I tend to overthink everything anyone ever says to me
I am heavily affected by things other people aren’t
I put deep meanings on things I shouldn’t
I believe every word of my horoscope to give myself a little hope for the day
I cling to my remaining friends with all of my strength because I am already lonely enough
I am a hopeless romantic but pretend I’m not cause I gotta keep up my reputation
I have a reputation for being hard to talk to but easy to get into
I want someone to love me so sometimes I believe if they get into me they’ll love me then
I know that is a stupid idea but I just can’t help thinking it because its called making love right
I get angry very quickly if people don’t reciprocate my friendship at the same level I give it
I tend to ride a tidal wave called depression that has its ups and downs
I plead with my head every day that I don’t go under and drown
I hate hurting someone’s feelings even if by accident I will never forgive myself
I don’t care if you hurt my feelings at all I have my walls built up so don’t worry
I have compassion flying out of my chest for even the most spoiled rotten people
I will take a bullet for a stranger if given the chance because they deserve to live
I don’t know if I deserve to live though sometimes I truly wonder
I still miss the people whose friendships I have lost even if it was years ago
I believe every human being is good despite their obliviousness and their selfishness
I do my best to help my single mother even when she doesn’t see it
I love my little sister like my own child and I take care of her like it
I have passion for everything I do from my job to just being in school
I grew up way too fast and I get angry because no one can understand how I think
I guess its because I have no father and try to take care of my mother and myself
I think I may be one of the only kids who do that
I was not born into a wealthy family my mother is a grocer and my father was a jeweler
I have more pride for my parents than kids whose parents are CEO’s and business people
I believe I have learned more about being a good person than people who are handed it all
I would rather die than do nothing with my life
I could never live with myself if I didn’t put others before me
And I wouldn’t want it any other way.

"17 bullets in his body"

I'll never forget
those words
the doctor had said
while my man was on his death bed

17 bullets
17.

And it was the 17th of March

On our 17th anniversary
And I heard those words
At 1:07 am

17 bullets
and we were both 17 when we first laid eyes on each other
that day when you came over to our house with my brother
and it was the 17th of March

17.

The dark is so comforting to a lonely heart

Envelop and enfold, your embrace keeps me together When I'd rather just fall apart

When sadness tries to overtake my heart, you are a slight relief From the stabbing pains the light inflicts upon my eyes

Nobody sees tears when you cover me so

Please Darkness, my love, never let me go

You numb the agony that eats me away

Some say you'll **** me I say you're the reason I still draw breath

Sitting alone, you and I Your silence is the kiss that brings warmth to my blood

But then I drift off to unawareness, a realm where you are not my only lover

Be not aflame with envy my dear

For in the world in which I dwell You are my one and only

You alone have my hand, my lips, my body, mind, and soul

You bring a spark of insanity

To melt the snow and ice that has slowly accumulated on my withering, dying heart

It's always cold here, subzero

And I'm forever trying to fight the frostbite

That comes simply from living in this harsh, unforgiving world

So don't feel insecure, just blanket my being, encase me in blissful blindness

You are all I will ever have

It may be fleeting, but the solace and contentment your presence brings allows my heart to beat another day

I will sit with you forever and let my body decay.

I no longer care. They may call what we have perverse if they wish.

They will never understand how you make me feel.

They don't need to understand my life.

So I say, never let me go.

I will always be true to you, I will always return

Darkness, my one true love.