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It kills me to know you will be leaving me soon.
I know you asked me if it bothers me and it  doesn't,
I thought.
I just keep having these thoughts about you forgetting me.
I want you to be mine and not leave me.  
But what am I supposed to do.
I just keep falling more in love with you.
"hi uh um I'm glad that you didn't pick up actually
because I didn't want to waste your time it's just that
we haven't really talked in awhile and I just wanted to
see how you are, that's all. how long has it been
since you left? a month yeah I think it's a month I mean I uh
I guess it's been a month and uh. um. well how are you?
are you okay? your mother said that you had met
someone like me over there and uh I'm not going to lie
that hurt. why did it hurt. why did it hurt. I don't know I--
I really don't know I guess I just wasn't ready for you to
leave and I know I'm a mess and I'm annoying and boring
and you want to get away from me already
but I uh, I just I don't know what to do anymore you know
it's like I'm so invisible to everyone and it's so frustrating
because I want to talk for the first time about things and I
want to feel I really really want to feel I'm trying really
hard I swear I am, just I don't know how to and please don't
give up on me. oh god I've turned this entire thing about me
again, ****. I didn't mean to I swear I didn't it just happened
I'm so selfish no wonder you don't want to be around me I'm
sorry. I really am. but it's 2:35 a.m. and I tried to sleep but
I can't and I need someone, I need you to be here somehow but
you're not and I just, I guess what I'm saying is,
please don't leave. not yet.

(h.l.)
things i want to say to you but can't things i wish you would listen to but you won't things that would make a difference but don't
Hold me close and tell me you love me,

when my world is

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                           a       p       a       r      t     .
 Apr 2016 SECERT ACCOUNT
nina
I don't mean to be so crazy
I just love you
More than I understand
& the thought of losing you makes me lose rationality, I promise I'm trying to learn...
 Apr 2016 SECERT ACCOUNT
Jo Kent
It will end badly
I know it will
I know it will
I know it will
*I know it will.
It will end badly, I know it will.
BPD
"Right here," [points at heart] "you're dead."
"And right here," [points at head] "you're twisted."
Borderline personality disorder.
A curse.
I am alone, empty, freezing, starving, withering.
I am sorry.
Always sorry.
Sorry to so many.
I am doomed.
I am alone.
I am twisted.
I am desperate.
Why do I still love you?
Why can't I just forget you and move on with my life?
I know I will actually be happy when I move on,
So what's holding me back?
I wish you weren't so far,
I don't mind the physical distance,
But I wish you would return my calls,
I wish you would send me lame jokes when I'm feeling down,
I wish you would tell me everything is going to be alright,
I wish you would play me music until I drifted to sleep.

And I know you found someone new,
And maybe she's prettier than me,
Or funnier,
Or more talented,
But I hope you didn't tell her,
The same things you told me.

I hope she holds your heart dearly,
I hope she makes you happy,
But I hope when you get caught in the rain,
You remember me,
And the way we danced and shared a wet smiling kiss.

I hope one day you come across my favorite record,
The one we sang to a million time,
And a smile creeps onto your face,
and you laugh at our childish ways.

I hope your father still asks about me,
And your mother still compliments me,
And brother still mocks me.

Maybe one day you'll call,
You'll ask if it's different here,
You'll tell me about her,
And maybe I won't want to hear it,
But I'll say I'm glad you're so happy,
And I'll say she sounds wonderful,
You'll tell me she is.

I won't tell you I wish I was her,
And I won't tell you I miss you,
And I won't tell you I wish I could have stayed,
And been the one to make you so happy,
And I'll tell you about my life,
And I'll make it sound better than it is,
Because I don't want you to worry.

We'll hang up,
And I won't say I love you,
And you won't say it back,
But that's okay,
Because you called,
And that's enough,
To know you thought of me.

But you didn't call.

You're still with her.

And I'm still waiting.
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