I am a scientist
I am a woman
Sometimes I feel like one over the other
It’s so much easier for me to be **** for you than it is to be smart
You could see me make the long draws and pauses with the press of my lips in the light of a projector
Or you could see my lips become one with you
Tick tock tick tock
Such little time to find who you are inside
I have the arms that come from the walls and shush me and mock me and pin me down and remind me what I really am
And then the song I’ve been meant to sing tells me differently
But in the flash I quickly turn from what was flesh into something with meaning and purpose and that’s nice and all but after a night of listening to you bellow about all of that science **** I’d just like to see you on my bed
Where’s those **** pics?
Where’s my invitation?
Where’s that pretty little smile?
Who asked you?
When did toppling down the mountain that is woman become such a sport to the hungry lions circling the den?
You can be smart but you can’t be ****,
And you can be **** but you definitely can’t be smart.
There’s this never ending cycle with the click of a flash and there I am in all my glory back to the arms in the walls pushing me and prodding me and beckoning me with their ***** fingernails.
I am a scientist,
I'm the last thing you think about at night
And never the first thing in the morning.
I'm there when you get lonely and no one is responding.
I'm the second choice to your precious beauty queen.
I'm just a second choice.
Because nobody wants the girl with brains and a mouth.
Nobody wants the girl that has the guts to say no.
Nobody wants that girl,
That's all I can really remember
Besides the sweet and piercing pain
That kept me throbbing but still on the edge of ecstasy
As tears rolled down my cheek
I wondered what would become of me
This is all I deserved,
and this is all I ever will deserve.
Just sweet and piercing pain with no comfort after.
No one to come home to.
No one to laugh with,
just no one.
i am the girl that sleeps all day
i'm that girl that never puts her laundry away
i am the girl that sings in the car
i'm that girl that looks from afar
i am the girl that makes all the jokes
i'm that girl that has high hopes
i am the girl that lives selflessly
i'm that girl caring, effortlessly
i am the girl that is broken from inside,
i'm that girl wounded from a guy
i am the girl your mother warned you about
i'm that girl.
because i can never live up to the pedestal expectations of society.
i can't be your cam girl.
i can't reply to your two am text.
i can't say yes when my body says no.
i can't pretend like it's okay when it isn't.
i just can't
i am not that girl
I have holes in my shoes from the miles I've walked,
Tired, wandering, lonely and lost.
I've counted the notches,
Struck every time,
But never able to call anyone mine.
I walk with my lonely soul,
down the blackened trail,
Feeling weak, weary, and frail.
I have put in my time,
Taken every punch,
But now there isn't much.
My soul yearns for someone to love,
And for someone to see me in entirety,
And to be loved for once,
I'm good fun and games,
at least that's what everybody thinks.
I can be a sultry goddess,
or a lonely homebody.
I can be a lot of things.
*You're good fun
I'm a good ****.
I can tell you the directional derivative of a function though.
But who gives a ****.
I can drive you wild and blow
But beauty can beat brains.
And my lips can sing songs,
or they can bring you to fruition.
Depending on the angle, the place, and the time of day,
I can be a whole other person.
Sometimes I have to pick and choose who I am going to be today.