Why is is that when the door creaks open, it sounds like your “I love you’s”? Or why is that when i stand in front of a mirror, your reflection shows behind me—grabbing at my waist? They told me wanting you was too difficult, but i never told myself it was impossible.

I cant let you just become a fading regret pushed to the backseat of my future. I want you to sit beside me, cradling my hand in yours with the softest of touches, watching the stars pass ever so slowly. The headlights reflecting off your eyes and bouncing back out to the ground of the Earth. The moonlight shimmering down from the balcony of space to grace your lips and kiss them goodbye. Twenty years from now, I don't want to think about how much happier i could have been. I want to think about how much happier i am.

I see you now. You don't even try to impress me. You don't have to try to impress me. Everything about you is thought provoking. You make me feel like when i say or do something, it actually has a relevance or purpose to someone else.

Do I wonder, often? Yes. I wonder about what goes through your mind. I hope that you don't feel as guilty as i do. If you ever did, I wish you'd tell me for your own sake. Guilt eats away and leaves beautiful people ugly and misshapen. You don't deserve to lose the ember you inflame. No one deserves to see you lose that flame.

I find myself tongue-tied, and i have been for a very long while.
i'm not quite sure what i can attribute this to...
it's been a quality of mine ever since i've learned to speak.

     (where i've gone and
           the few faces along the way,
                    with eyes like distorted mirrors
                                     showing me my strange self)

i have trouble finding my place, yet i've found many places
i don't  know how to connect, though at times i feel connected

you have  me confused

                   s c    a     t       t e      r            
                               b      r a         i      n    e  d  

back and forth for so long, and finally landed separate,
fixed in each other's shade of the soon-to-be-forgotten past
because-- i don't have a because.
because i have too many becauses.

because i simply cannot

i can't place my finger on why.
i don't feel as real
                                     as i used to.
please understand


life is confusing because there are so many different ways to see it.
so one can never be too sure what is true.
about self,  reality, or other people.
there are a million different experiences of the color green.
i am seen one way, but i feel about myself something invisible.
and sometimes i don't feel anything about anything at all.

she
spoke as if she knew the world down to its heartbeat,
and could see through its bones.
she spoke as if her eyes were the only eyes,
and they saw all truths.
she was not careful with her words
and never stepped outside of her body
to see how imprisoned she was in her thoughts.
she obsessed over what she saw in others,
and what they saw in her.
for that, i think, she always wore the sun.

I realized you were a small town man;
That you'd be more satisfied with being a comfortable failure than having to work for success.
You'd rather become your parents
Unstable:
Mentally
Financially
Romantically,
And unimpactful on this Earth's humanity.

I was a world traveler.  
In need of constant
Change
Challenge
Risk
And movement.  
I need a constant toiling in my mind
A constant pressure to move
A constant reminder that my next step could change the world
A constant potential for improvement

I realized you were content with what you knew
And my passion for learning was unappeaseable by your stagnant mind

I remember the books you wouldn't read
The songs you wouldn't sing
The explorations on which you refused to accompany me
The worlds you wouldn't see

And I now know that meant you would never last next to me
It's not your fault you couldn't keep up
Or mine I couldn't slow down
We can blame each other
My lack of satisfaction
Your lack of motivation  
Psychology
Economics
Chemistry
Chance
God
Karma
Fate
All these reasons
But none are real
Truthfully, we were just not meant to be

With each other we were not free
With your annoyance at my distance and my anger at your dissonance
Far corners of the earth you were not meant to see

I know now that my craving for motion
My roller coaster emotion
Is too fast paced
For someone like you
And to drag you behind me would be a waste
As we are not amazed by the same things, we do not have the same taste

It is possible that I'll never find someone
That worships this world as I do
and craves these things next to me
But at least alone I won't hurt anyone with my motion

DEATH is more tranquil than the life of love,
More calm, more sure, and more unanguished.
the path among the trees is far more tranquil to the dead
Than to these anxious hearts, uptroubled from their beds,
Who pace in pallid darkness on the leaves,
For no good reason--for no reason
But because their limbs will not lie still upon the sheet.
Their limbs will not lie still. how I pity them.
Sad hearts--their marrow is a-quiver,
And they can not lie them down in tranquil sadness like the dead.

Though sometimes with these ups and downs it may
Seem hard for me to keep within the lines
Of sanity, I swear I'll always try
To keep my colours just as bright as day.
And if I can't, colour me in with shades
That illuminate, enhance and light your life.
And I'll put all the trust in you I find
Within my mind to never let me fade.

I never thought I'd find another who
Could make me feel a little more like me.
Now finding someone I can look up to,
And looks at me the same, I guarantee
This filter that you seem to see me through,
Is all that I could ever wish to be.

People hide from their demons
They try to run away
I think we should embrace them
Listen to what they say

Everyone has their inner demons
Most are afraid of the rage
I say unleash them
rather than put them in a cage

Demons are just an extension of your heart
it's another part of your brain
Just because your demons talk to you
doesn't mean your insane

I've let my demons live in my soul
But the lines are starting to blur
I don't know where I end and the demons begin
A change is starting to occur

These dark thoughts are starting to get darker
This anger is starting to grow
Society has fed the monster
Am I even human anymore, because I don't know?